Unfortunately I have too dis-invite some of the guest we sent Save-the-dates to.

Sayadrey

I’m so troubled by the fact that I must do this but we have no other choice.  Our budget has been cut in half.  My father was going to help us pay for half of our wedding but due to some unforeseen medical issues he is now not financially able to assist us.  We don’t have the monies to have the wedding we were intending on having.  Along with the fact that my father will be undergoing treatments, he will be at the wedding but will not look his or feel his normal self.   We have decided to have a small backyard wedding and small dinner reception instead of the large wedding.  How do I disinvite guest that we have sent Save-The-Dates to?   Please help.....

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

The only way to make this not rude would be to scale back to immediate family, basically. And anyone you've asked to be in the WP. So, if you were planning on inviting 200 people you can't just cut out 75 of those people.

I'm sorry about your father. You should send the people you can't invite an announcement telling them the wedding will not be taking place as planned and you will be having a private ceremony instead.

emarston1

Honestly, I would just scrap the plans all together and postpone the wedding.  Then you can send out a memo that "The wedding of Sara and John will not be taking place as cancelled."

mwhitson14

Hm. I totally have mixed feelings on this. I understand that the money you had is not going to be there, so on one hand I want to say, suck it up, save the money, cut costs, and invite the people you originally intended to invite.

On the other hand, I want to say that people are going to understand the situation with your dad's illness and not be too terribly upset.

Is there no way to plan the wedding with the original guest list? Your wedding is only 3 months away and people may have already booked flights and hotel rooms, gotten time off work, etc. Can you do a cake and punch reception? Cut down alcohol packages? Anything?

quotequeen

Any way you can invite everybody to the backyard wedding and just do a casual bbq type reception?

_Dagney_

I'm so sorry about your father's medical problems.  In this case, I'm sure people will understand.  Afterall, we invite our friends and family to weddings.  Clearly this is a circumstance beyond your control.

You could elope and then send out an announce that explained what happened.

You could call those you sent a STD and explein the situation, offering apologies.

You could have a punch and cake reception.

I hope your father comes through everything okay.

shellydiane820

I'm going with PP who said postpone the wedding, or just cancel it all together and have a small, private ceremony with immediate family only.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unfortunately-dis-invite-of-guest-sent-save-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc46c264-c502-4695-866f-da5fb034c37aPost:06c104cf-4966-445a-9817-895336416dec">Unfortunately I have too dis-invite some of the guest we sent Save-the-dates to.</a>:
[QUOTE]I’m so troubled by the fact that I must do this but we have no other choice.   Our budget has been cut in half.   My father was going to help us pay for half of our wedding but due to some unforeseen medical issues he is now not financially able to assist us.   We don’t have the monies to have the wedding we were intending on having.   Along with the fact that my father will be undergoing treatments, he will be at the wedding but will not look his or feel his normal self.    We have decided to have a small backyard wedding and small dinner reception instead of the large wedding.   How do I disinvite guest that we have sent Save-The-Dates to?   Please help.....
<p>Posted by Sayadrey[/QUOTE]</p><p>Can you not alter the type of reception you're having to accommodate the extras in your budget? Eg. lunch time wedding/reception, or afternoon tea style event?</p>

jasmineh7777

I would say canceling or postponing would be easiest.
Then you can make other arrangements with those closest to you.
I'm so sorry about your father's medical problems. Best of luck to you.

mwhitson14

I don't know what the medical issue is, but if it's life threatening, no way would I cancel or postpone. I would want my dad at my wedding, and if delaying the wedding means a possiblity my dad wouldn't be there? No way.

eastunder1

I don't see why she should need to postpone or cancel, so long as she and her father are both up to having it.   A sickness does not = stopping life. 

Given the situation, I think that people should be understanding that the event has dramatically shrunk from blow out to lower key family event.   Should understand being the key.   There will still be hurt feelings and there is nothing you can do to change that.  But I think what you're doing is understandable and as word of mouth spreads as to WHY you're doing it,  people will most likely be a bit more forgiving than had you just axed your guest list all willey nilley for frivilous reasons.  Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. 

ricksang

I think in this type of situation Etiquette can be put aside. People will understand. Call them and let them know the situation. Any guest who is more concerned about not being invited to the wedding is a dillhole.

rknox88

I agree with Mwhitson14- is there anyway you could invite everyone to a cake and punch reception or to the backyard affair?  Those backyard wedding receptions are SUPER fun! The low-key environment puts everyone at ease and is relaxing.  I also agree that if this illness is something life threatening don't postpone or cancel.  No matter what wedding you have, small, big, whatever, will be more special with your father.

If you can't crunch the numbers to accommodate the original guest list I think you should send out an announcement that informs guests that the wedding will not be taking place as scheduled.  I would then delegate your wedding party and family members to spread the reason why by word of mouth.  I would definitely not include the reasoning behind your decision on any kind of announcement.

smokeybailey

I think that part of the original question included the fact that her father doesn't want to be around the entire list.  Maybe she is cutting distant friends/family out so that her dad doesn't have to be sick "in front' of that many people.  As such, changing the reception to something cheaper doesn't resolve that. 

Call each person that got an STD and explain to them.  I wouldn't send out a letter of the dis-invitation.  CALL them and explain.  Anyone who is a d!ck about it isn't a very good friend anyway.

tldh

First, I am so sorry to hear about your father.  I hope his treatment is speedy and successful.

This is probably the only time you'll ever see me say to hell with ettiquette.  This situtation trumps any slighted feelings.  I do agree with the PP to turn it into an immediate family only wedding.

Whatever you do, enjoy the day.

ipen44

I agree with some above.  Your desire to commit to your husband and make a home should not be posponed if that is still your intention.  Your father may feel terribly guilty for getting ill if you cancel on account of him.

No reasonable human would find it rude that you have changed your plans during the difficult time.  Just let them know they have been important contributors to your life and you really wanted everyone to be there, but circumstances do not permit.  Maybe you can post photos/video of the ceremony online so they can participate at some level.

squirrly

I think you should treat this similarly to the way that cancelling a wedding would be handled.  Send an announcement to each of your guests worded something like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride Dad Last
regret to inform you
that the wedding of their daughter

Bride Middle
to
Groom Middle Last

son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom Dad Last
will not take place as planned
due to a serious family illness.

The couple will instead be wed
in a private family ceremony.

Alternatively, you can send individually handwritten notes to the guests you will no longer be inviting.

I do think that you need to be very careful about making sure that if you disinvite one college friend, you disinvite all of them in that group.  If you can afford 50 guests, but to keep groups treated the same way it means having either 38 or 57, have the smaller wedding.  However, cutting back your guest list seems appropriate given the circumstances. 

Knittibell

Ditto what PP said- I think in this case, people absolutely understand, but try to keep the new plans to CLOSEST family and friends only. No work people, no one you haven't spoken to in 2 months or seen in 6 months... just start CUTTING. Then call people or write notes to explain that due to family illness you've changed your plans to a very small intimate wedding.

People will understand- but don't cut 4 people from the office and invite 1 person, or invite 2 college friends and cut the rest, etc... you can do this.

And I'm wishing your dad a speedy recovery! 

shoegal715

This is why I hate STDs. I've seen this happen so many times.

I'm sorry about your situation. I agree you should inform your guests that the wedding will now be immediate family only.

cjohnsen2010

I would either scale down the reception to what you can afford (cake and punch/backyard bbq, etc.) or send out what Squirrly said.

Sayadrey

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions; you have been most helpful.   I have paired down my guest list to members of the wedding party and immediate family members.  I had the worst case of writers block when attempting to prepare cards to each dis-invited guest; but your suggestions have cured that.   Thank you!!

Additionally I'm most appreciative of all the well wished for my father.  His outcome although positive is still uncertain.  There is no way I could postpone this day.... I don't know what I would do if I did and he weren't here for wedding in the future.  
Again Thank You to all for all your suggestions..... 
The Bride ~