Wedding Etiquette Forum

Let him know before or after?

I have seen similar questions asked along this line, but nothing exactly like what I would like to know.

I have a bio dad who has been in and out, mostly out, of my life since I was 10 (now 37).  I have a step-dad who has been in my life since I was 12.  I don't consider either one my dad although I love my step-dad very much (extremely long complicated story). 

As of right now my bio dad is not in the picture, hasn't been for years, and I don't plan on having him in my life in the future.  All that being said, there is a part of me that knows he does care for me even if he is really crappy about showing it.  I also know his mother does care for me and overall is a nice lady. 

My question: Do I send him and his side of the family a letter letting them know about my previous divorce, engagement, and upcoming marriage before or after the actual wedding?  (Like I said, it's been awhile since I've had contact)  I don't want to seem like I'm looking for a gift, nor do I want to deal with the potential awkwardness of him wanting to be invited.  But I also don't want to be rude and only fill in the details after the fact.  Any advice on which one I should do?
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