Giving Away of the Bride

NicoliOSU

I have a difficult dilemma regarding who should walk me down the aisle.  

My parents split when I was young and my father moved to Ohio (I'm from Texas), although he came to visit often in my youth and called me a lot.  However, after I went to college, he contacted me less and less and only visited me at college on the day of my graduation.  After moving to Austin, he did come to visit me shortly after my move, but still keeps up the routine of me always calling him and sometimes going for weeks without hearing from him.  He is also refusing to help financially with the wedding, yet he just decides to drop comments of inviting old coaching buddies (that I don't know and phone invite, no less) to the reception without asking me. 

My mother remarried when I was in high school.  Since I was an only child growing up, so my step father and I had a tough adjustment period but we have since grown incredibly close.  He always was there for me during my tough times in college and is best friends with my wonderful fiance.  Over the past 10 years, he has been more of a father to me.

My wish is to have both men walk me down the aisle, as I am emotionally connected to both of them and they have both played big parts in my life.  My fiance thinks this is a great idea.  However, when the idea was mentioned to my father (by another family member), he got very upset, saying that was his honor, and threatened to not come to the wedding.  My stepdad does not know of the situation.  Should I talk to my dad about my wishes or should I just suck it up and give into my father's demands?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_giving-away-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cce54df1-a24a-4d40-8d75-36485cf61368Post:a55118f8-8a12-4c6e-8987-d80e99a79ac4">Giving Away of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a difficult dilemma regarding who should walk me down the aisle.   My parents split when I was young and my father moved to Ohio (I'm from Texas), although he came to visit often in my youth and called me a lot.  However, after I went to college, he contacted me less and less and only visited me at college on the day of my graduation.  After moving to Austin, he did come to visit me shortly after my move, but still keeps up the routine of me always calling him and sometimes going for weeks without hearing from him.  He is also refusing to help financially with the wedding, yet he just decides to drop comments of inviting old coaching buddies (that I don't know and phone invite, no less) to the reception without asking me.  My mother remarried when I was in high school.  Since I was an only child growing up, so my step father and I had a tough adjustment period but we have since grown incredibly close.  He always was there for me during my tough times in college and is best friends with my wonderful fiance.  Over the past 10 years, he has been more of a father to me. My wish is to have both men walk me down the aisle, as I am emotionally connected to both of them and they have both played big parts in my life.  My fiance thinks this is a great idea.  However, when the idea was mentioned to my father (by another family member), he got very upset, saying that was his honor, and threatened to not come to the wedding.  My stepdad does not know of the situation.  Should I talk to my dad about my wishes or should I just suck it up and give into my father's demands?
Posted by NicoliOSU[/QUOTE]
You have to decide what's right for you.  I would talk to your mom privately about it too.  If you don't want to give that honor just to your dad you can choose to walk alone.

NOLAbridealmost

I'd just walk alone or let your father do it.  He's probably been dreaming of that moment from the day you were born and it would be a real slap in the face to ask your step father and not him.   Also, I really doubt that your step father will mind because he probably has always assumed your biological dad would do it.  Honestly though, if I weren't as close to my dad as I am I would have just walked the aisle alone. 

JadziaDax

I don't think your father refusing to help pay for anything should sway your decision- you may want to tell him though to stop inviting people if it's not in your budget.
I chose to have your father give you away, but ultimately you have to choose what feels right to you. I agree with NOLA- it doesn't sound like your stepfather would be hurt if you chose your biological father.

KellyBrian2013

I'm in a similar situation, and I have to say that I'm very proud of my father for saying to me that he would be offended if I didn't include my stepfather.

That said, I know not every father is going to be like that - and I don't believe you should just give in to your dad's demands that he be the only one to walk you down the aisle. Given how close you say you are to your stepdad, this may be something that will really hurt him should you decide not to include him (though he may never let you know that).

I had initially wanted to ask both men to walk me down the aisle together. However, my stepdad mentioned to my mom that he would be uncomfortable with walking me all the way down the aisle and instead, he preferred to walk me up to my dad and hand me off to him to give me away to FI. Is this something you could do?

NicoliOSU

I have thought about doing the halfway thing as well.  My dad did say he doesn't mind if my stepdad is somehow involved in the wedding.  He just doesn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

ootmother2

Either alone or walking with both of them seems to be the best solution to me

kcscejal

I'd probably have my mom walk me.  She's been there the whole time.

KentuckyKate

Follow your heart on this one, not a poll of internet strangers.  It seems to me like this is not an easy decision, but there is probably an option that feels the most right to you.

pinkrn19

What about your mom walking you down the aisle? I understand that your father may not be able to contribute to the wedding, but just think who has been in your life and influenced you the most?

salsamcg

why not have your father walk you down the aisle and dance with your step-father for the father/daughter dance? It sounds like your step-father would be okay with this, and that way your father still gets to walk you down the aisle.  I would have a talk with your bio-dad however about how even though you love him, you also love your step-father and threats to skip your wedding over something like this are very hurtful.

Calypso1977

how about walking with your FI?

mica178

I'll second KK and say that this is not a decision best made by an anonymous internet poll.

However, my opinion is that if you feel like you are closer to your stepfather but your father is making a stink about being the only man who can "give you away," I suggest that you walk yourself down the aisle (or walk with your FI or with your mother).  Avoid the father dilemma because I don't know that there's a happy solution that won't hurt feelings. You can honor your father and stepfather some other way, through the program, through the invitations, through the father-daughter dance (also, the stepfather-daughter dance, if you wish).

TheCranberry

One of my friends didn't like the idea of someone "giving her away" because she'd been on her own for so long.  So they had the officiant ask something like "who supports [bride's name] in this marriage and starting a life with [groom's name]" and then her mom, dad and stepdad all stepped forward and said "we do".  They did the same thing for the groom, and I think he had mom, dad, stepmom and stepdad. 

You could walk down the aisle alone and then have something like that done to show that you have all of these people in your life who support you and your marriage.  I thought it was sweet and acknowledged everyone who was important in each of their lives. 

allyson+williams

I don't like any of the choices, lol   I am so sorry you're in this situation.  If you really want both of them, then tell your dad that.  If he chooses to skip the wedding, then that's egg on his face, not yours.  It is not up to your dad to dictate what is acceptable at YOUR wedding (especially since he's not hosting in any way). 

zoiesmurf

I'm having a similar dilema. My parents marriage lasted all of 2 years. Both my parents remarried when I was young, 6 and under. My parents were also some of the last to get joint custody, before they changed the laws, so I literally lived 50% of the time at each house. I'm not super close with either of my fathers, so have really been struggling with how I would decide this. I think I have narrowed it down, to either walking with both, or walking alone. I'm thinking because our venue is long and narrow though, that I may just walk myself down the aisle... I just can't decide...

Edited for spelling...

twohollydays

I wouldnt care if anyone THREATENED not to come. Who is he? Dare him not to show up by doing what suits you most on that day and if he has any objections he can stay home. 

SparrowSong

It might make more sense to have your mom as your escort. Or just walk alone to avoid hurt feelings.