is it still tacky...

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:e08fb987-2c9c-44e3-ad0e-00e3b5c0715d">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]Most weddings I've been to have done beer or beer and wine and cash bar for the hard stuff.  We're planning on hosting beer and soda, but the catering company will provide a full (cash)  bar for guests that want something else.  Is this tacky? I thought it was a fair compromise.
Posted by magicalmegpie[/QUOTE]

It's still considered rude to have your guests open their wallet for any part of your wedding. So in your scenario, yes, having guests pay for hard liquor and not beer or wine is rude. What if one of your guests doesn't drink wine or beer. They only prefer vodka drinks. you're basically saying, "Your drink of choice is too expensive for me and therefore you have to shell out your cash to enjoy my party, but Johnny over there who will drink moonshine out of a shoe is fine because he'll choose beer anyway."

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:5329dbc5-2b98-4164-8a11-2e87276281be">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to go ahead and say it depends on your culture (family or area). I'm from a family that mostly doesn't drink, so nobody would really notice if we had a dry wedding. On the other hand, FI's from England, and apparently there it's normal to have cash bar for everything, including sodas.  To his family and friends, it would be MORE rude to have a dry wedding than a cash bar. And we're already hosting sodas, so to them that's going to be a treat.  So we are doing cash bar for alcohol, and just letting people here know by word of mouth. <strong>Just depends on the people around you, not the people on TK, IMNSHO.</strong>
Posted by DeannaCW[/QUOTE]

This bugs the hell out of me. Don't come to the etiquette board on TK and answer a question that doesn't fall in the lines of etiquette. Had OP asked this question on her month board or local board the answers probably would be more along the lines of what you've stated. However, she came here, asking for the etiquette answer, and that's what she was given.

it's not about our opinions or preferences. It's rude, according to etiquette, to have your guests pay for anything. Would I personally care if I had to pay for alcohol at a wedding? I don't know, I've never been in that situation because every wedding I've been to has been dry or hosted. In my circle there's never an option to buy because they know how to properly host their guests. So I guess I would personally side eye it if I had to shell out cash to imbibe a little at a friend or family member's wedding.

NOLAbridealmost

Cash bars are always rude. Dry weddings are not rude, but to echo PP just aren't quite as fun (in my opinion). 

Just throwing this out there though, as a guest I am more likely to be forgiving of a cash bar if it's obvious that the wedding was on a very tight budget, but I'd be seriously annoyed to have to pay for drinks if it's obvious that there was money in the budget for centerpieces, designer wedding dress, favors, ceremony-exit-bubbles, etc.   If you're going to cut back somewhere during this economy it should be on those sorts of frills and not on the stuff like food and booze that guests really appreciate.

pillsburyaj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:d4eea3ff-7988-4486-a306-6c5e0c31b3bf">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]1) Paying for your own wedding doesn't make you (general you) special. 2) Being on a budget does not make you different from any other bride out there. <strong>3)Tackiness is not a symptom of economy-- it's a symptom of bad etiquette.</strong> Don't try to rewrite the rules of etiquette and claim that it's financial. Good etiquette has nothing to do with money. It's about making your guests feel welcome and comfortable.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>haha. yes.</div><div>
</div><div>But, seriously, cash bars are a no-no. People are already paying to attend your wedding (gift, travel, accomodations, etc) so it is rude to expect them to pay for anything at your wedding. </div>

Goldlie11

No cash bar is etiquette 101.  

In some areas, it's common, despite the fact that it's rude.  If cash bars were common in your social circle, you probably wouldn't be asking, right?  So, you have your answer.  You should find other ways to save money besides having things for sale at your wedding.  

saacjw

About the concern about friends getting sloshed and treating it like a kegger- that's one of the biggest reasons that we're doing a wine and beer bar with no liquor. You can still get drunk, but it takes a little longer. At a friend's wedding with very similar guest lists, various family friends got completely sloshed on cocktails very quickly and the situation became agrivated by shot making contests (the groom and his best man were bar tenders in college). Also, if that is a huge concern, voice it to your bar tender, they have the power to cut people off and our reception hall has a policy of it. I'm saying, don't do a cash bar because some of your friends haven't learned how to drink in a non college situation, because there are ways around it. 

elgs1122

My fiance has some friends that are rather enthusiastic drinkers. That does not mean that he doesn't want to be friends with them, but I sometimes doubt how people will conduct themselves when there is free alcohol. And if they can't show up to support us without having a buzz to be able to tolerate it, then I hope they don't come.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceba195d-3cc2-4ca8-88c5-09dc332d4048Post:5b4dbdcc-12f0-44c3-aa4b-4664a1d3170a">Re: is it still tacky...</a>:
[QUOTE]About the concern about friends getting sloshed and treating it like a kegger- that's one of the biggest reasons that we're doing a wine and beer bar with no liquor. You can still get drunk, but it takes a little longer. At a friend's wedding with very similar guest lists, various<strong> family friends got completely sloshed on cocktails very quickly and the situation became agrivated by shot making contests</strong> (the groom and his best man were bar tenders in college). Also, if that is a huge concern, voice it to your bar tender, they have the power to cut people off and our reception hall has a policy of it. I'm saying, don't do a cash bar because some of your friends haven't learned how to drink in a non college situation, because there are ways around it. 
Posted by saacjw[/QUOTE]

I hate that logic.  My brothers friends get way more wasted on beer than my friends get on hard liquor; if a person's goal is to get trashed they will.  To the second half of that, though - almost every open bar I've ever seen at a wedding has had a no shot policy.  You can easily ask your bartender for that restriction, many prefer that because of their liability anyway...

sweetcanadian1979

Cash bars are the norm in my area. Most people in our families would prefer them over a dry bar any day, i know it may be rude but most would leave rather than stay through a reception without alcohol in our families,  but the wine is usually hosted no matter. On tk cash bars are a no no, most places they just are not done. 

I went to a wedding where i had to pay for my own pop, i thought it was extremely rude that they wouldn't pay the $7 fee for it to be free for everyone. I chose to be dd & had to pay for that choice, not cool. 

I am not a fan of the beer & wine option, i can't drink either, my stomach does not like them & i get sick immediately, i have issues with many things. I can handle one thing & one thing only, weird but just the way it is. It would suck if i went to a wedding & had no option other than beer & wine for alcohol, i would rather pay than not to be able to have 1 or 2 (i know i don't NEED them but it is not fun being told i can't have them & watch everyone else be able to have something alcoholic)

I also disagree with the hard alcohol gets people drunk but beer & wine do not, most of our family are beer drinkers & get plenty trashed & stupid. I am not going to tell them they can't drink even though i know they do that. I do not understand why it is not all or nothing, but that is just me, where i am from it is more expensive for beer (to buy in store, most places you bring in your own alcohol) than it is for mixed drinks, we just do simple options though, like rye, vodka, rum etc. 

futuremrscoachj

"I've been to one cash bar in my life and 8 years later some family members still talk about how tacky it was. It is the only thing they remember from that wedding. That is how much of an impression it made. Not good"




If people are still bothered by a cash bar 8 years later, I commend them on having a pretty stress-free life that THATS what they are bothered by. I dont disagree with most of you, but reading this thread just reminds me that weddings have gotten so far from what theyre meant to be. Its not supposed to be such an ordeal that brides are worried about making people "bothered" by alcohol or the lack thereof. Society, I guess. But it stinks sometimes!