NWR -- home buying vent

mica178

We're working on applying for a mortgage, and H is freaking out over closing costs.  And upset over how much he thinks the house is worth.

Please tell me that it's normal to freak out over this stuff.  I'm not freaking out because I expected to spend this amount of money, and I think the house is a good deal.  H hasn't ever had to part with his money other than to buy a car, and it was easier for him to appreciate the car's worth than a house's worth.

Gah.

Blueyed228

H started sweating like crazy and his hand was shaking when he wrote out the check for the downpayment.  He didnt sleep for 2 weeks while we were going through P&S and the closing.

I think its normal.

MyUserName1

Totally normal!

And then afterwards he will likely think it is one of the greatest decisions he has made in his life (after marrying you, of course.)

redheadfsu

Any big decision is going to freak you out. Even if you know it is a good financial  decision and is the best option, you are going to freak out.

We are trying to get our house ready to sell...we are both freaking out.

mica178

Thank you ladies! 

Right now he's demanding to know why title insurance and the transfer and recording fees are so high.  Sigh.  I'm going to keep pushing through.  He's going to love being a homeowner someday. 

mkrupar

Oh Mica. Buying a house was one of the most stressful things I've ever done. It's totally normal that he's freaking out. I think it's good that one of you can be the voice of reason. If both of you were freaking out it would be crazy.

tenofcups4me

I was freaked out by closing costs. We'd done the math and knew what to expect, but like your DH, when I saw it broken out, it just drove me crazy -- thousands for this, hundreds for that, are you freaking kidding me?!

And then we got the keys and it was one of the sweetest days ever!

Beachy730

Yeah it's totally normal.  We have freaked out several times, and our realtor just tells us it's perfectly normal.  

Are you guys trying to get the seller to pay closing costs at all?  When we put our offer in we did a full offer since it was priced really low for the area it's in, and then asked for 4% in closing costs and for the seller to buy us a 1 year warranty.  We were more concerned with not coming up $7k in closing costs than we were on saving $40 a month by offering a couple thousand dollars below asking price.  Since closing costs only cost 3%, we are using the extra 1% to buy down our interest rate.  

There will be many stressful times, and I even cried on the phone with the bank lady the one time because she kept telling me I need to get something that I knew we couldn't get.  She was just pretty ignorant as to how VA loans work, so she caused much more stress than necessary.  

But it's sooo worth it!  We are finally set to close on our house on Tuesday and I can't freaking wait!!!  

aleighk1

I feel that way paying for stuff for the wedding sometimes. 

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-home-buying-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceee5ea0-d915-46e2-9e25-b566e2d82ad4Post:409544e6-46cb-49a6-836e-2351b7db4d7c">Re: NWR -- home buying vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah it's totally normal.  We have freaked out several times, and our realtor just tells us it's perfectly normal.   Are you guys trying to get the seller to pay closing costs at all?  When we put our offer in we did a full offer since it was priced really low for the area it's in, and then asked for 4% in closing costs and for the seller to buy us a 1 year warranty.  We were more concerned with not coming up $7k in closing costs than we were on saving $40 a month by offering a couple thousand dollars below asking price.  Since closing costs only cost 3%, we are using the extra 1% to buy down our interest rate.   There will be many stressful times, and I even cried on the phone with the bank lady the one time because she kept telling me I need to get something that I knew we couldn't get.  <strong>She was just pretty ignorant as to how VA loans work,</strong> so she caused much more stress than necessary.   But it's sooo worth it!  We are finally set to close on our house on Tuesday and I can't freaking wait!!!  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I feel like this is pretty common. When we bought our house we went round and round with the VA loan and the mortgage officer. In the end the mortgage company said the VA loan had been denied because of the prior shortsale on my H's house in SC. He spoke with the VA directly (more recently since we're in the process of relocating) and the VA said they don't penalize members for short sales, only foreclosures, and he has his full benefits. Which leads me to believe that they effed up when they reported the short sale on the loan application. #stillbitterpartyofme

Also DNB Abbalish is going to be in VA Beach the first week in February. We chatted about a GTG.

mica178

This is a short sale, so the sellers don't have money to help with closing costs.

I think H would have died if he had to deal with wedding costs.  Thank goodness I managed everything there too.  He only had to deal with the band, his suit, and my rings. 

He's just really horrible at spending money.  We've been saving for a house, and I think he's sad to be seeing the money go away.  I get the concept, but we get a house in exchange, not a bad trade.

mkrupar

Yeah it's definitely nice to see all those numbers in the bank account each month, and a little terrifying when it's not there, but that's the point. You save to exchange for something you need/want. In this case it's a house.

HuckSC

Completely normal. My first homebuying experience was amplified because not only was I buying a house for the first time, it was 300 miles away from where I was living at the time.

barrelbabe004

Definitely normal. It's a huge amount of money all at once but it'll be worth it in the long run. I cant believe how quick your short sale process is going! Usually it takes months. That's exciting!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-home-buying-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceee5ea0-d915-46e2-9e25-b566e2d82ad4Post:22ce6bde-914b-41c8-8f2f-4c05c91e0cf6">Re: NWR -- home buying vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Completely normal. My first homebuying experience was amplified because not only was I buying a house for the first time, it was 300 miles away from where I was living at the time.
Posted by HuckSC[/QUOTE]

<div>Try being on the other side of the country!  We are in WA, and currently buying in VA.  So add a 3 hour time difference to the mix as well when trying to figure things out.  I've been self medicating with a lot of wine!  </div><div>
</div><div>Mica- the dwindling savings is hard to see too, but then we just remind ourselves we were saving to be able to buy a house, so it's a good thing.  But yeah, it's so much money at once!  We didn't have to do a down payment with the VA loan, but even just in two days we watched $1,300 fly out between the good faith deposit, the appraisal, and the inspection.  I think H would die of a heart attack if we had to make a down payment!  </div>

Beachy730

Oh and yeah MK that would be awesome!  Hopefully it works out since that will be around the time my movers are coming and my parents are supposed to come visit.  But I'll definitely try!

mica178

Yeah, I handle most of our finances, so he won't be the one writing the check for the down payment (or the closing costs), but he just signed the application form that estimates them, so he saw what they are/will be.  If he had to actually write the check, I think he'd refuse at the last minute! 

Barrel -- I know!  It's still not 100% that everything will go through -- the investor who holds the mortgage is demanding a really short close that just is impossible with the seller and our mortgage lender, but I think the investor will realize that giving us 30 days (instead of 15) to get things together is better than forcing a foreclosure on the seller and delaying being able to unload the house by months.  It's typical cutting the nose to spite the face nonsense.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-home-buying-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceee5ea0-d915-46e2-9e25-b566e2d82ad4Post:d1a502a1-2929-4f8d-9527-4f27cf7dad23">Re: NWR -- home buying vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I handle most of our finances, so he won't be the one writing the check for the down payment (or the closing costs), but he just signed the application form that estimates them, so he saw what they are/will be.  If he had to actually write the check, I think he'd refuse at the last minute!  
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah H was the exact same way when we saw our worksheet, and we weren't even paying for them.  I just didn't even bother reading them because we can't do anything about the charges, so why bother.  </div>

Loopyseven

I worked in the mortgage industry but it's still a lot of money, and it still makes my head spin.  Rediculous amounts of fees.

whitsy

I'm sure that's totally normal! It's a lot of money and a huge committment. I see myself being like your H when the time comes for us to buy a house. It scares me so much I can see us living in our apartment for the next five years because I don't want to take the leap of faith.

But, with all that said, we're hoping to buy a house this year. I'm still super scared though!

ErinG93

How exciting Mica. I think that's very normal of your H. When I first started working and had to call to collect on an invoice over $100,000, my hands were shaking I was so nervous. Big dollar amounts make everybody a little nervous!

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-home-buying-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ceee5ea0-d915-46e2-9e25-b566e2d82ad4Post:a2b9a653-8952-48db-b6ae-77f2b7fe9713">Re: NWR -- home buying vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you ladies!  Right now he's demanding to know why title insurance and the transfer and recording fees are so high.  Sigh.  I'm going to keep pushing through.  He's going to love being a homeowner someday.  :\
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>I was the one freaking out about how much closing costs were lol.  FI just kind of rolls with things--I usually try to find the best deal, so I did shop around for Title Companies...and ended up at the original one our realtor works with.</div><div>
</div><div>I do think that by the time closing rolled around, we were so ready to just be done that I wasn't worrying anymore.  I was also distracted by thinking about all the painting that needed to be done :)  Find him some good distractions and it shouldn't be as bad.</div>