Teen Guests wanting to bring a date?

ChristyAnne926

Hi everybody,

I am having my wedding in October, and have not sent out the invitations yet, but have already started getting questions about who can bring guests. 

My sister (who is much younger than I am) has a 16 year old friend who wants to bring her boyfriend of about a year to the wedding, and sent me an e-mail asking me if she could.  I had been planning on inviting the adults with an "and guest" designation for the singles, but not for someone this age. In this case, this child is actually being invited along with her mother (who happens to be a good friend of my mother's) who lives in the same home, which just complicates things even more. 

What would you do in this situation? 

Thanks for any advice!

tldh

If she's being invited along with mom then I'd say she's mom's date.  Personally, I think the SO invites should begin with serious college age relationships.

Simply Fated

I think it's okay to keep it 18 and over with guests. I know plenty of high school couples that lasted well past high school, so it's not that I don't think they're "serious."

It's just that, it seems like she is coming to keep her mother and your sister company, as she doesn't seem to be a friend or anything of yours. It sounds like she is your sister or her mother's date, lol. Sorry, but that's how it sounds.

scurtis07

Yeah I agree, I think this girl has enough entertainment as it is between your sister and her mother, so bringing the boyfriend isn't necessary. My friend's 16 year old cousin came to her wedding with a BF and the whole time they were dancing inappropriately and making out the entire night, not to mention trying to sneak booze. Not to assume that your guests would be like that, but we all remember being teenagers "in love." I would keep the teenager count as low as possible at your wedding, and let the girl know that you have limited room or something like that.

Moneypenny424

Between your sister and her mom, this girl has more than enough company at the wedding.  No need to invite her boyfriend.  I agree, 18 is a fine line to draw for adding guests.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teen-guests-wanting-bring-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf0f52ca-ee5d-441a-b756-63f27b2d6141Post:e2ed1d27-856c-4463-a171-dffa0ae8e006">Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Between your sister and her mom, this girl has more than enough company at the wedding.  No need to invite her boyfriend.  I agree, 18 is a fine line to draw for adding guests.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

This!

GreenPepperBurger

16 is a little young to be bringing guests, I think.

That being said, I'm going to a wedding this fall where no guests are allowed unless the couple is engaged or married. Which means I am not invited with my boyfriend of 4 years (I'm over 18). I'm not happy about that.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teen-guests-wanting-bring-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf0f52ca-ee5d-441a-b756-63f27b2d6141Post:6b5973e0-fb61-4dfc-836c-cf43ee28e0aa">Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]16 is a little young to be bringing guests, I think. That being said, I'm going to a wedding this fall where no guests are allowed unless the couple is engaged or married. Which means I am not invited with my boyfriend of 4 years (I'm over 18). I'm not happy about that.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
I'd be offended by that. I'm well into my late 20's and my boyfriend and I have been together for about that long. And although we aren't engaged, we are in a very committed relationship. I don't see what sets us apart from other couples, other than we aren't legally married or in the process of planning a wedding. I think the term "married or engaged" when deciding who gets to invite a guest should be taken very lightly.

GreenPepperBurger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teen-guests-wanting-bring-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf0f52ca-ee5d-441a-b756-63f27b2d6141Post:51b29dfe-15b4-43ab-a09f-d138445f95a2">Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date? : I'd be offended by that. I'm well into my late 20's and my boyfriend and I have been together for about that long. And although we aren't engaged, we are in a very committed relationship. I don't see what sets us apart from other couples, other than we aren't legally married or in the process of planning a wedding. I think the term "married or engaged" when deciding who gets to invite a guest should be taken very lightly.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I'm really offended. It's basically saying that if you're not engaged or married, then your relationship isn't valid. The reason why they implemented that rule is because they are having an elaborate wedding and don't want to pay extra per plates. Which I get. But still.

ootmother2

I had three nephews and one niece all around the same age and had to take a no date position to play fair.

Thinking back, one nephew, 19, had been with his girlfriend since freshman year in high school and are now engaged.   How could I take a stand for them and tell his brother and same age cousins no?  I half regret it now but my decision did save hurt feelings in the faimly

Meg1979

I think you should keep it 18 or over.  I'm not inviting my cousin, who is 18, with a plus one.  It's just because he's not in a long-term relationship and the whole sleeping arrangement issue (he's from out of town) might be iffy with his mom.  I'd rather avoid that whole issue.  Hopefully, she will understand.  If you can't make it happen, you can't make it happen.

SparrowSong

No, I think 18 is a fine cut off. There are certain priviledges that come with being an adult, and being allowed to bring a date to a wedding is one of them. If you're invited with your parents, you don't need a date.

Knittibell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teen-guests-wanting-bring-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf0f52ca-ee5d-441a-b756-63f27b2d6141Post:e2ed1d27-856c-4463-a171-dffa0ae8e006">Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Between your sister and her mom, this girl has more than enough company at the wedding.  No need to invite her boyfriend.  I agree, 18 is a fine line to draw for adding guests.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

Ditto!!

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teen Guests wanting to bring a date? : I'm really offended. It's basically saying that if you're not engaged or married, then your relationship isn't valid. The reason why they implemented that rule is because they are having an elaborate wedding and don't want to pay extra per plates. Which I get. But still.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

oh, WOW. I'd be really offended too.

squirrly

I think if you've not yet graduated from high school, it's not necessary to invite your gf/bf.  If you're still in school, you are likely being invited as a part of your family and attending with your parents, which negates the need for a date for "company." 

That said, when I was in HS, my bf's aunt got married, and I was invited as his date, and attended.  I was pretty close to his whole family, though, so it seemed really natural to me.  Had they not invited me, I don't think I would have been offended either. 

Now, once you're in college, that's a different story - to me, that's the transition from being a teen to being an adult. 

As for not inviting SOs unless they're engaged or married - that's a lousy cutoff, and one I've only seen applied to fraternity homecoming parties - never weddings.  I hope they're not doing a garter or boquet toss, since they don't seem to value pre-engagement relationships.  I'd say, rather than trying to qualify other people's relationships, they should worry about their relationships with their guests.  Don't invite those you aren't as close to, in favor of the SOs of those you are.  Otherwise, you won't be as close to them in the future.

Personally, if I had been invited to a wedding without H before we got engaged, and was told he couldn't attend because he hadn't proposed yet, I would have sent my regrets and written off that friendship.  I don't need people in my life who want to pass that kind of judgement on me.

petey406

I had a friend who was getting married and worried about several of her guests bringing a date to her wedding just so they had someone to bring.  She solved the problem by making it known that if you weren't engaged or living together you could not bring a guest.  This included my now FI even though we were together long before she and her husband met.

Interestingly, this someone who had invited randon guys in the past just because she could bring a guest.