Divorced parents and speeches

mmarly88

So FI's parents are divorced and FI brought up last night that probably both parents will do a speech (???) To me that is silly - have either your dad do it or both together

I feel that if they each do one that it will be Redundant and they are going to be saying the same things?~!?1

Am i crazy or right - ive tried googling the heck out of it with no deffiante answers

opinions?!!?

dumdumfroggie

Why are FI's parents giving a speech?  Are they hosting?

Honestly, it's not necessary that either of them give a speech at all.  However, this is a situation I'd let your FI deal with.

specialk84

Speeches aren't necessary at all. My FIL died years ago, and MIL did not give a speech. My father welcomed everyone to the reception and later gave a toast. The MOH and BM also gave short toasts. The minister gave a blessing before the meal. 

Katelyn89

If he wants both parents to do a speech then let them. I would get him to ask his parents if they are comfortable even doing a speech. My parenrs aren't divorced, but my mom will be thanking people for coming because there is no way my dad would speak In front of 200+ people. ETA: my FIs mother will be thanking people as well because both of our parents are helping us host. If both his parents are hosting, I don't see why they both can't say a quick thank you.

fergie1566

The only speeches we are planning on doing is from maid of honor and best man

brilibby4

Another vote for skipping the speeches all together.

LizzyRB

We haven't gotten this far yet, but at our engagement party Fi's dad make a toast. Then my dad made a toast. Then my mom made a toast. My mom and dad are divorced. What they said wasn't the same at all. If his parents both want to say something, I would let them, what does it hurt?

mmarly88

Thanks Ladies

we werent thinking they were doing speeches until his Dad told us the other day he is working on his- and then this pushed FI to think his mom as well will be doing one- i think one or together or none all together

we are only having MOH best man and our speech and now these ones

HappinessByTheKilowatt

Yeah, we didn't have any parent speeches at the wedding. My parents and his parents all contributed.

I say just let them speak if they want to. I think it would be fair to tell anyone giving a speech to keep it under two or three minutes though.

wadingmoose

What does he think he's speaking about?

Does his mother even WANT to give a speech?

I think it's odd when parents speak at weddings unless it's a "welcome to the family" type of thing.  Which is typically done by a sibling.

But really, if you weren't going to have speeches, then why not just let him know that gently and move on rather than adding all kinds of speeches.

willywally5

I'm assuming you mean a short llittle toast? Most of the weddings I've attended (almost exclusively in the midwest) the father of the bride gave a toast of some sort and then the MOH and BM did as well. I've also seen moms do it, particularly if the fathers aren't big fans of public speaking. And I've seen both 'sides' of divorced parents offer toastst as well. 

If they are short and heartfelt, I see no problem with any/all of the parents saying something. I doubt they'd all be the same. 

But if you don't want them, gently say so and forgo it. Nobody will think badly if you DON'T have them, although I'd be cognizant of parents' feelings in the matter. 

Blue & White

Whatever you decide, make sure you don't have 12 different people giving super long speeches.  When dinner doesn't get served until 9 PM, your guests will hate you.  Especially if you make them pay for soda (like the couple whose wedding I'm describing here did.  It was the worst wedding ever, with about 2 hours of speeches.)

RussoWill

My dad was initially going to give a little "thank you for coming speech." an hour or so into the wedding, he chickened out.  My mom ended up doing it and, although they are divorced, they stood together while my mom said her thing.  I think that as long as they don't have lots of nasty feeling toward each other that may come out in speech, I'd let them each have 1-2 minutes to say something if they want to.

funandfreckles

I also have this problem: I've always had my heart set on my family (parents together or my dad) doing a "welcome to the family" speech...and I would feel weird not having my FI's family do the same.