Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?

libby2483

My FI's parents are very graciously hosting our rehearsal dinner. We will be doing a buffet in a private room at a restaurant. My FILs plan to host coffee, tea, soda, and the venue provides a complimentary champagne toast. I know that if we don't host alcohol, we shouldn't make it available for purchase. However, I know that some guests will want to drink, and there is really nothing stopping guests from going to the main bar to purchase drinks. So, what is the best way to handle this? Just tell guests what we are hosting? Mention that alcohol is available for purchase at the main bar? Also, my FILs are considering one other option that the venue brought up, which is giving each guest a couple of drink tickets at the restaurant bar. From an etiquette standpoint, is this better than just letting guests purchase from the bar if they want to? Or should we just avoid drink tickets? Sorry for the lack of paragraph breaks. My silly phone won't allow it.

ootmother2

No drink tickets.  Perhaps they could serve wine with dinner?

NOLAbridealmost

Don't do drink tickets. Don't mention drinks at all on the menus or at either of the bars. 

Those who want drinks can take it upon themselves to go out to the main bar and order one (believe me, I would) and there will be no judgment about the bride and groom or RD hosts.  

Or you could offer to cover the cost of beer/wine for the RD if you want to. 

TheNick

I agree with NOLA. My FI and I are covering the drink tab for our rehearsal dinner.
If you choose not to have alcohol at the RD, I don't think anyone will think twice about it.

DramaGeek

Don't mention what you aren't hosting.  If people want to take it upon themselves to leave the private room to get a drink from the bar, that's their deal, but the tickets and/or mention of non-hosted beverages are rude.

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-buying-their-own-drinks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0056e81-6a1b-4639-8e65-70e70cd9b243Post:cfd806b4-5b6b-44fa-8c9b-61f79ec36f29">Re: Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do drink tickets. Don't mention drinks at all on the menus or at either of the bars.  Those who want drinks can take it upon themselves to go out to the main bar and order one (believe me, I would) and there will be no judgment about the bride and groom or RD hosts.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

This. I wouldn't do tickets or even state there's no drinks. People will notice there is no alcohol and a bar in the other room. Let them take it upon themselves if they'd like.

rsaleh84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-buying-their-own-drinks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0056e81-6a1b-4639-8e65-70e70cd9b243Post:cfd806b4-5b6b-44fa-8c9b-61f79ec36f29">Re: Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do drink tickets. Don't mention drinks at all on the menus or at either of the bars.  Those who want drinks can take it upon themselves to go out to the main bar and order one (believe me, I would) and there will be no judgment about the bride and groom or RD hosts.   Or you could offer to cover the cost of beer/wine for the RD if you want to. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Absoultely agree...most people should be able to discern what is not offered by the hosts, and since you are at a restaurant, it is implying in a way that you can visit the bar at your own convenience.  If someone takes offense to this at a RD, they are just too damn uptight!

libby2483

Thanks for the advice! That's what my gut was telling me, but I just wanted to double check.

chattychiqa

I ran into the same issue and came to the same conclusion you did (with the awesome help of fellow posters )

Ours is at a mexican restaurant and we're just going to have a pitcher of margaritas on each table.  I'm not sure if IL's are going to replenish the marg's or if when the marg's are gone, they're gone... but we're only going to put on the menus what's hosted.  The guests will figure it out.

Kate61487

ditto PPs, but wanted to add:  If you/your FILs were willing to do a drink or two per person would you be willing to do a consumption bar with a cap?  i.e. you pay for whatever people order up to $X.  Once that limit is reached (or close to it) the waitress would let the hosts know and if it's close to the end of the night they could choose to extend it or to close it (and from that point on people would pay for their own).  Potentially the same cost but much less tacky than drink tickets.

ILoveToRobot

GAH drink tickets... these will be handed out at our rehearsal dinner. Long story short I didn't want to enter that battle. If you can convince them in a non judemental/gracioius way not to do the drink tickets then that would be ideal. If that goes over well don't mention alcohol and guests who want it will figure it out.

If it doesn't go over well then you can decline their offer to pay for the dinner or overlook their lack of etiquette and realize that it will not reflect on you but on your FI's parents. I also suppose it depends on the circle you run in. Some people don't expect open bars or free drinks. But, again that depends on your circle.

Kristin789

These people need to understand that someone else is paying for their consumption, so they need to be grateful for whatever is provided.  If that means no mixed drinks, so be it.

If they were going out to dinner with their own in-laws, would they really sneak out to the restaurant's bar and pay cash for a mixed drink just to say, "Hey, I want to flaunt that I'm old enough to drink and so I want a drink that's beyond what you are paying for."  No, they would eat/drink whatever is provided and be grateful.  That's what etiquette and good manners are about.

Ashleigh828

For my shower, my mother is hosting, and wanted to offer guests a complimentary bloody mary or mimosa. Instead of doing "drink tickets" she worked with the restaurant staff and each waitress will make mention when taking drink orders. (The host is offering a complimentary bloody mary or mimosa if you would like one - or something similar to that). I think it lets guests know that they can order one "on the house" and then they are on their own after that.

My fiance and I are hosting our RD (long story!) and are not offering alcoholic beverages. There's a bar in the restaurant and guests can help themselves if they'd like. We didn't feel guests would take offense to this as dinner and non-alcoholic beverages will be served. Our RD is the night before our wedding so while some people will have a glass of wine or beer, I doubt anyone would be drinking to excess and be "put off" by our not offering.

hoffse

If you want to make it clear to your guests, you can always make DIY menus for each place setting with the apps, entrees, desserts, and beverage choices listed.  Or if there is a bar set up, list the beverage choices on a small sign at the bar.  That will inform people that there will be no alcohol provided (except the champagne toast which can be a nice surprise) and that guests are on their own for that.  It's not a problem at all to not host alcohol.

adamar15

Same thing happened at my BIL's rehearsal dinner, Stage, except my inlaws ended up with the bill.  I don't think the servers were told that alcohol wasn't being hosted beyond the few bottles of wine on the table.

Miss_2010

Don't mention anything about drinks, if people want alcohol they will buy it at the bar/order it themselves.  I cannot imagine expecting this to be covered.

libby2483

In Response to Re:Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?:I have a slightly different viewpoint. I agree no drink tickets or signs about the alcohol, but if it's the type of buffet place where the waiters take drink orders, I WOULD spread it by word of mouth beforehand, and make sure the waiters list off only the hosted drinks when taking drink orders. I say that because we went to an RD very much like what you are describing, and several guests got stuck with an unexpected drink bill at the end of the night. The waiters asked "what can I get you, tea, soda, or perhaps a wine or beer?". Since guests didn't have to go to the bar to get it, there was no way they knew the alcohol wasn't hosted until the end of the dinner. No one would have cared that the alcohol wasn't hosted, but the surprise of an unexpected bill made for some very awkward moments at the end of the evening. Posted by StageManager14 This is what I am afraid will happen, so I will make sure that waiters know ahead of time to offer what is hosted. Also, after talking with FI, I think it will be in the budget to offer wine on the tables or pitchers of beer, so we might add this option as well. Edit: FI and I would pay for this extra, not ask my FILs to pay more.

Ali092011

I kinda agree with Kristin here; I think it's tacky to be like, "Well if you won't pay for my booze, I'll pay for it myself" and actually leave the party area to go order a drink. I feel like it's telling the host that what they offered isn't good enough.

However, I agree with everyone else, too, about not mentioning what is not paid for by the host and just letting guests know what is available. If they aren't satisfied with that, it's on them to find the bar and pay for a drink.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Don't tell them they can go buy their own drinks. Just print up a menu with the entree options, salad, etc, and then write, "tea, coffee and soda are being provided by the parents of the groom" or something similar. And spread it by word of mouth. The last RD I went to, beer and wine were hosted. I saw someone with a martini, but I'm glad I didn't order one after I heard the groom mention that only beer and wine were available!

jackandjill2011

I can't believe people really leave and go get their own drink cuz they dont like what's hosted. No one did that at our wedding reception-go out to the main bar and get liquor. Seems silly. When I go to my friend's house I don't leave in the middle of dinner and run down to 7/11to grab a beer of my preference I just deal and drink water, milk, juice, whatever they have.