Work Shower

kcregan85

My fiance and I are planning a small (well 100people, but I have a big imidiate family) wedding that consists of just family and close friends.  We both decided that we don't want to invite people from work as a means to control #s and cost.  But my fiance believes that his cowokers will throw him a wedding shower at work.  Do we decine this offer as we are not planning on inviting them to the wedding or do we just accept that they are doing this without the expectation of an invitation?  He is employed in a small ~40 person firm and his employers like to promote themselves as a family business.  We're just trying to avoid any hurt feelings.

Loopyseven

Work showers are typically the exception to the "must be invited to the wedding" shower rule.  If they throw a shower for him, accept it gracoiusly and send a lovely thank you card to put up in the breakroom or something.

[Deleted User]

Completely okay for you to accept the shower while not inviting any one from your office.  I am not inviting anyone from my office, but they have already hinted that a shower is forthcoming.

gananoque

I agree that your fiance should graciously accept.

You mention you're concerned about people being disappointed and hurt. This suggests to me that you suspect they think they are going to be invited to the wedding. Probably a good idea for your fiance to drop some hints around the office as to the nature of the event and how it's going to be just close family & friends (no need to mention the exact numbers - he should downplay that as well and just call it "small" or "intimate").

That way there are no misconceptions and if people want to go ahead and throw a shower, they're more than welcome.

Cortney1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_work-shower-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d011b390-43df-4de1-96c8-e0d0d11152d6Post:48cf4ee6-4dca-42e0-a3a9-7c1cafd15670">Re: Work Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Work showers are the exception.  I will say I've never seen a work bridal shower thrown for a guy, though. 
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

Yup, this is odd!  Can only imagine what an odd scene this would be!

tenofcups4me

What's odd about it? We used to throw showers for the men at my old company, for both weddings and babies. It was the exact same scenario as those for the women--typically 1/2 hour to 1 hour in the break room or a conference room (after the good old days of the company paying for 40 or so people to go out for lunch were ended). We would buy them a registry gift or give them a gift certificate, same as for the women. The men are marrying or becoming fathers -- why shouldn't their co-workers celebrate with them?

OP, it's really common for co-workers to throw a shower of some sort even when they're not invited. It's fine.

Maggie0829

My work also throws showers for both men and women whether it for a baby or for a wedding, so it really isn't all that strange.

My co-workers threw me a surprise shower for my wedding and no I did not invite anyone from work to our wedding for the same reason as you...to control the numbers, because once you invite one co-worker you have to invite the whole darn building LOL!

tpender13

Ditto PPs -- work showers are an exception, as well as church showers.

My best friend's husband's office threw him a baby shower when she was pregnant. It was really nice -- they invited her to the office, had snacks and cake, and everyone in the office had gone in and gotten them one really nice gift.

kcregan85

Thanks for all your input.  This makes us feel better.