Oops, we forgot to you invite you but...

twinkie757

Yesterday I had a bridal shower with my mom's family and someone my mom forgot from our guest list was invited. I don't know this woman at all, but I still feel horrible! All of the women around her were talking about getting together before the wedding and doing something and she sat their silent because she wasn't invited. So, now I want her to know she's welcome at the wedding and it was an accident. I am thinking about writing her a note along with the invitation. Would you recommend doing this and what would you say in the note?

Trae021

Depends on how close the wedding is.  Could you send an invite without a note and it not be awkward because there is still time?  You don't want her to feel like it's a pity invite with putting a special note.  Good luck!

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oops-forgot-invite-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d07a6fac-d469-4e58-89a3-bfb5e58a73dePost:234885c9-3ab1-4f8f-b038-917ca096eb1a">Oops, we forgot to you invite you but...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yesterday I had a bridal shower with my mom's family and someone my mom forgot from our guest list was invited. I don't know this woman at all, but I still feel horrible! All of the women around her were talking about getting together before the wedding and doing something and she sat their silent because she wasn't invited. So, now I want her to know she's welcome at the wedding and it was an accident. I am thinking about writing her a note along with the invitation. Would you recommend doing this and what would you say in the note?
Posted by twinkie757[/QUOTE]

<div>Sometimes I think it's in everyone's best interest to lie. Is there any way you can tell her the invite was lost in the mail? </div>

twinkie757

The wedding is in 3 weeks and most people got their invites a couple of fews ago.

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oops-forgot-invite-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d07a6fac-d469-4e58-89a3-bfb5e58a73dePost:f239fc82-b7b2-4aff-b94b-3ab6326fd142">Re: Oops, we forgot to you invite you but...</a>:
[QUOTE]The wedding is in 3 weeks and most people got their invites a couple of fews ago.
Posted by twinkie757[/QUOTE]

<div>I usually hate lying, but in this case I would tell her the invite came back return to sender because you forgot to stamp her invite. Call, apologize and then send it for real.</div>

andy71781

Well I think a white lie - as in "I'm so sorry there was a problem with your invitation"  The problem was that you didn't make one, send it to her etc. but how is she to know?

Vagueness and a smile will help you I think.

ootmother2

smile and lie

twinkie757

It might be a bit hard to smile through a letter...  I'd prefer not to lie to her if at all possible.

damaless

If you want to be honest, just go ahead and tell her it was an embarrassing oversight on your part and you're very sorry that she was put in that position at the shower, but that of course she would be welcome at the wedding, etc.

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oops-forgot-invite-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d07a6fac-d469-4e58-89a3-bfb5e58a73dePost:0b657698-2dea-4430-b86c-a462c74a49b8">Re: Oops, we forgot to you invite you but...</a>:
[QUOTE]It might be a bit hard to smile through a letter...  I'd prefer not to lie to her if at all possible.
Posted by twinkie757[/QUOTE]

<div>If you want to fess up and apologize, I don't think a letter is the way to do it. Call her.</div>

kaesha

I also think that's a call worthy situation. It's much more personal.

tenofcups4me

Did you or your mother discuss with her that she wasn't invited? If not, I'd go for the white lie -- wait till your RSVP date and then call her to confirm if she's coming or not since you haven't received her response. Play it as if the invitation was sent the same time as everyone else's. (Does this work? Yes. I confess my ex- did that with a friend when he realized way too late he'd forgotten to send him an invitation.)

I can't see how telling her the truth willl help -- it will just make her feel badly that she was forgotten to begin with.

If she does already know, I'd actually ask your mom to make the call sinice she knows her and she's the one who forgot her.

carrieoz_76

Yea, this needs a phone call, whatever you do.  I'd do the vague "problem with the invitation" (which, btw, is still somewhat accurate, given that your mother's boo-boo was a problem), apologize profusely, welcome her to the wedding, and let her know her invitation is in the mail.

I think she'll be more likely to accept whatever you say at face value if you actually call her instead of sending a note - whatever way you go.

HisCB

i would blame your mom. and make her deal with it. mom knows the woman better so she would know how best to handle it. she can decide if its best to fib or to appologize profusely.

if it were me and my friend, i would fib. unless it was obvious at the shower that she didnt get an invite and you didnt address it then.

Lisa8888

This is really bad. What idiot invited this woman to the shower and not the wedding?

JanoBean75

I didn't invite my friend's step-mother to my shower (she's invited to the wedding) because my mom convinced me it would look like a gift grab since the woman is very ill. Long story sort of shorter, I'd love to see her, no gift necessary. So told my friend what my mom said and she understood completely, but said I want her SM there, send an invitation and a note to let her know she's not obligated to come; she'd love it.

So that's what I'm doing. She'll talk to her as well, but I am sending a note to apologize about not inviting her in the first place. If she feels up to it, she'll come. If not, she'll stay home.

In other words, send the invitation and a note. Or call her. Either way, make sure this woman knows she's invited!

redheadfsu

If you don't know this woman at all, then have your mom call her & lie that her invite came back. That is what I would do.

twinkie757

If I knew her at all I would call, but I've never had a conversation with her before. When she walked in the door I even had to ask who she was. -Don't worry, she didn't hear me whisper to my aunt.

I tried to convince my mom it was her job to take care of this situation and she just said to mail an invitation and be done with it.