Plus Ones

kmjarvey

My FI and I decided to only let people bring a guest if they were in a relationship. For these cases, we made a point to include the name of their significant other on the invitation. We'd love to let everyone bring a guest but with a huge family and limited space, it just isn't going to work.

My MOH just commented, "hopefully all the single people don't RSVP for 2 and drive the numbers up." Is this something that should happen? We made a point to just put Mr. John Smith, etc on the invites. I'm starting to worry that more people will RSVP than we have space for.

dazed2confused

if it happens you get to call them and tell them no...it does happen from time to time.

Also, i hope that you are giving the wedding party member all plus one.  I think its a nice thing to do since they spend a lot of time and money on your wedding. 

MissLeahM

It could happen. If it does, you should call the guest and kindly tell them that the invite was only intended for them.

frogurt814

One of our guests replied for two people, even though we clearly only invited her on the invite.  She's not dating anyone, so I have no clue who she is bringing.  However, one extra person isn't a big deal to us so I'm not going to call her and tell her that her guest cannot come. 

kmjarvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d13c1406-df71-457a-b680-b637af41a7c3Post:ae4d8ac9-8595-498b-89b1-309ed0adae66">Re: Plus Ones</a>:
[QUOTE]  What was your basis for "relationship" when you sent out the invites?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

I know this is probably going to come off tacky, but as a guide we checked facebook. They're all our friends that we've kept in touch with so we generally know who is attached and who's not.

I'm not too concerned if one of two people do it (my friend from 9 hours away sent me a message saying he wanted to bring his new girlfriend-who I just learned about in that message-up for the ride. I'm letting that kind slide), I just don't want to figure out where to sit an extra 50 people.

quotequeen

Is this something that should happen?

Should it?  No.  Will it?  Quite possibly.

Pirata13

You very well may have people add someone. Just be prepared to make calls if they do. We only had a handful of single friends, but so far all of those who did not have a guest included did not add one.  We also tried to make it clear with our RSVP cards--we had a line that said "We have reserved ____ seats in your honour" and my mom filled in the appropriate number in calligraphy, whether it was 1, 2, 4 or 5.  So far, so good!

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d13c1406-df71-457a-b680-b637af41a7c3Post:c110d177-a8e5-4b31-9715-0a232f6f5ac3">Re: Plus Ones</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus Ones : I know this is probably going to come off tacky, but as a guide we checked facebook. They're all our friends that we've kept in touch with so we generally know who is attached and who's not. I'm not too concerned if one of two people do it (my friend from 9 hours away sent me a message saying he wanted to bring his new girlfriend-who I just learned about in that message-up for the ride. I'm letting that kind slide), I just don't want to figure out where to sit an extra 50 people.
Posted by kmjarvey[/QUOTE]

A lot of people don't include relationship status on FB. 

kmjarvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d13c1406-df71-457a-b680-b637af41a7c3Post:aa9b2a55-658e-4ffb-a73f-b8c56d74734d">Re: Plus Ones</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus Ones : A lot of people don't include relationship status on FB. 
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I said it was only a guide. If it was someone we really weren't sure about, we ended up calling them to catch up and get their address so we normally found out that way if it wasn't on online.

kerriberri007

Yeah you're going to have to be firm. We did the same thing. Only invited people who were in REAL relationships at the time we sent out invites. You wouldn't believe how many people get instant boyfriends or girlfriends and demand they get to bring them along. We have plenty already bringing dates. Theres just not enough room.

Patineuse1124

I think it can get a bit iffy on what a real relationship is.  I've heard of people doing "no ring, no bring", in other words only spouses and FIs got +1s.  Otherwise it kind of becomes like other situations (like children or different social circles) where people may be upset that so and so got to bring a date and they didn't.  Plus relationship statuses change, so some of the people you gave a plus 1 to may bring a random person, in which case it isn't fair to others that didn't get a plus 1.

myother1

We had one couple add their college-age son to the RSVP.  Weird, but we let it go.

We gave all of our friends a plus one (and no, we're not having a huge wedding - we were just careful about the guest list).  We have friends from lots of different social circles and don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable if they don't know many people.

But, to be honest, most people not already in a relationship aren't bringing dates, even though they were offered the opportunity.  Our RSVPs came back in with 80% attending.

hugz415

oh dear sweet Kmjarvey!  unfortunately with all the clearly addressed envelopes in the world you will likely have those who still manage to find room for interpretation on your invites.  They will add +1, they will add their 4 children despite the fact that they were not listed on the invitation. 

I was surprised by who the culprits were.  I expected that maybe some of my college friends would have issues with the no guest thing but it turned out that the ones adding people were my parents friends and co-workers!  You just have to be firm but polite about it.  In our case we had a limit on space and budget and we called people to gently explain this.

jnic0319

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d13c1406-df71-457a-b680-b637af41a7c3Post:f8f224ac-6bac-4b9d-8979-fe4010b5f684">Re: Plus Ones</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it can get a bit iffy on what a real relationship is.  I've heard of people doing "no ring, no bring", in other words only spouses and FIs got +1s.  Otherwise it kind of becomes like other situations (like children or different social circles) where people may be upset that so and so got to bring a date and they didn't.  Plus relationship statuses change, so some of the people you gave a plus 1 to may bring a random person, in which case it isn't fair to others that didn't get a plus 1.
Posted by Patineuse1124[/QUOTE]

This would really upset me.  FI and I dated 4.5 years, if either of us got invited to a wedding after the 1-2 year mark and the other was not invited we would have RSVP'd no.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d13c1406-df71-457a-b680-b637af41a7c3Post:f8f224ac-6bac-4b9d-8979-fe4010b5f684">Re: Plus Ones</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it can get a bit iffy on what a real relationship is.  I've heard of people doing "no ring, no bring", in other words only spouses and FIs got +1s.  Otherwise it kind of becomes like other situations (like children or different social circles) where people may be upset that so and so got to bring a date and they didn't.  <strong>Plus relationship statuses change, so some of the people you gave a plus 1 to may bring a random person, in which case it isn't fair to others that didn't get a plus 1.</strong>
Posted by Patineuse1124[/QUOTE]

If both people were invited by name, this shouldn't happen either.

Patineuse1124

I just reread my PP post and it was kinda confusing (sorry!)  I think you should give everybody a plus one, otherwise it gets messy as to who gets one and who doesn't.  I understand that people on budget's can always do this, but IMO giving a plus one to all (barring a few exceptions, such as a recent widow) is the polite thing to do.

ashhalsey

I am in the same boat.  Small budget, about 130 guest list (including all possible +1s and children) and I'm still reeling.  What I'm confused about it is do my 20-year-old cousins get a plus one if they are coming with family (aunt and uncle)? Does my friends "potential" boyfriend get an invite if she will know pratically everyone at the wedding?  I heard through many boards that it was only necesary to offer a plus one if 1) they are in a long-term relationship, engaged or married, or 2) will know noone but the bride and/or groom.  Just trying to keep my numbers down. While I would love to have everyone bring a plus one, it'sjust not in the budget.

Also, if they are family or friends, why would they be so upset to not bring a plus one? I understand if they're long-term, engaged or married, but really? If you don't know the bride or groom (as a plus one) but your significant other does (or vice versa), why would you want to be in that awkward situation anyway? Just let them go alone - it's not the end of the world.