Potluck parties

meg65

So I get no potluck wedding receptions, but how do people feel about regular potluck parties? 

We're helping plan a party for our friend's wife, and he wants to provide sides, drinks, and desserts and have everyone bring their own meat to grill. It's not a fancy party or anything, but it still feels tacky to me.

I just remember when one of my friends had a holiday party and wanted everyone to bring their own dish to share and she would provide drinks, I thought it was annoying as hell. When I asked her about it, she said she just couldn't afford to feed everyone, but really wanted to have the party. It made me mad that I had to bring my own food to feed someone else's guests, especially when a few weeks before I had my own party and fed everyone myself (she was also a guest at this party and didn't offer to bring anything). 

Thoughts?

brilibby4

I've been to a few potluck BBQs and didn't think twice about them.

Edit: I guess the events I have been to were more that everyone offered to bring items.  We were not instructed to bring items.  That does make a bit of a difference I think.

Avion22

I think it's tacky to ask people to bring meat.  Meat is the expensive part.   At casual parties like that I've never been ASKED to bring anything, though I will usually offer to bring a salad, dessert, chips and dip, or some drinks.  

[Deleted User]

If it's a party for a specific person, then I think they should provide the food. But parties in general (holiday, sports game, whatever), then I see no problem in being asked. Most parties I go to here are potluck and people ask what they can bring. It's normal to me.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:82e0a41c-0dd6-4c73-8f84-5253c03a6ae5">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's tacky to ask people to bring meat.  Meat is the expensive part.   At casual parties like that I've never been ASKED to bring anything, though I will usually offer to bring a salad, dessert, chips and dip, or some drinks.  
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Meh. I think it depends. I've often been to potlucks where we've been asked to bring meat for ourselves. Works out just fine.

Mm... grill potluck *drool*

bunni727

Regular potluck is fine with me, but bringing meat to grill sounds strange.

ETA: I just am used to bringing a completed dish. Not sure there is nything wrong with bringing meat to grill, I just haven't heard of it.

baystateapple

For me, it really depends on the formality of the situation and the purpose of the party.  I generally frown on potlucks.  However, one of my friends holds an annual Yule party, and everyone is asked to bring one holiday dish to share that has some special tradition or significance to them.  I never mind doing that.  But to reiterate, you have to know your group.

I'm going to a potluck wedding in a few months.  Not really enthusiastic about it.

adamar15

We do potluck parties all the time, but they're pretty normal for our group.  I usually provide the main course/meat if I'm throwing it, but I've had people bring meat before if they wanted something specific or they didn't like what I was making.

meg65

I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.

Callmefia

In my circle its pretty common to do potlucks but usually the host provides the main dish (meat) and the rest bring sides, apps and desserts.

We just did a derby party over the weekend and my parents and I host it (at their house since we are in an apartment still) and we provided Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Brisket, 2 appetizers, 2 pies and pop. Our friends each brought a side dish. This was a pretty large party, about 20 people. Also our group always does BYOB, they each bring their cooler stocked with their preferred alcoholic beverage.

How do you plan on working it if its BYO Meat? Who is cooking it? I mean, if I went out of my way to bring a steak or something, I don't want the host to cook it - I would rather cook it to my own taste!

Lambbop

I've always seen the host as providing the "main" dish - the meat for example. Perhaps you could suggest that instead of the host providing the drinks, desserts, and sides that he provide the meat and some drinks and ask others to bring the desserts and sides. Speaking logistically I think desserts and sides are way easier for guests to provide and transfer.

baystateapple

I was going to say I've never brought my own meat to a party, but that's not true.  The ONLY time I've brought meat to a party was when my friend was having a lobster bake (is that even how you say it?) for her birthday.  I don't eat seafood and neither does H, so I asked her in advance if we could bring some chicken to BBQ.  She was totally cool with it.

LetsHikeToday

I agree with Sesh.

We also usually take our own meat to a friends house to grill and it doesn't bother me. When we have people over, we offer hotdogs and burgers and if someone wants something else, they bring it.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:f2ea2f46-0cb8-4894-98ba-ba23c09d7f22">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.
Posted by meg65[/QUOTE]

How do you normally get meat home from the store?

achiduck

Potlucks never bothered me for a casual party and I usually would prepare a pasta salad or some other kind of side dish, but if I was asked to bring my own meat I'd side eye it.

For a more formal party, I would expect that dinner would be provided and I would likely bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:be4374d6-0592-4e36-88c9-f0f9b0dfe285">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Potluck parties : How do you normally get meat home from the store?
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]
Transporter. Are you saying you don't?

adamar15

No, apparently I like to take my chances with food poisoning, Snips.

AdeleDazeem

A potluck where everyone brings a dish to share?  Sure.

A potluck where I bring my own meat and eat my own meat after I've grilled my own meat?  No.  That seems much more like a elementary school lunch time in the cafeteria (You like my sandwich?  Aww... too bad, I don't share) than a true potluck party.

becky659

Meat is a little weird, and I wouldn't want to bring my own cooler for it...
But otherwise, we have potlucks all the time down here where everybody is expected to bring a big dish to share.  I have absolutely no problem with doing that, even for a casual wedding.

One time, though, I had a friend who hosted a party and she made gobs of amazing food.  My friend and I had brought chips and beer between the two of us to share with everybody.  And I'm talking about a LOT of beer, so it was pretty expensive for us to do that.
At the end of the night, the hostess played a game that took up a donation for all the food... I was so surprised and put on the spot.
We left early and forgot the beer.

musicalsunlight

lol yeah um I don't think you're gonna get meat poisioning unless you're going way out of your way to get somewhere. We do potlucks all the time for random occasions. I like them, for casual get togethers. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:f2ea2f46-0cb8-4894-98ba-ba23c09d7f22">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.
Posted by meg65[/QUOTE]

For real?  My patience for illogical paranoia is starting to be really low.

musicalsunlight

You don't need a freezer to bring meat around town, FFS, people. 

jemmini6

It depends on the type of party, but potlucks are pretty common here for laid back get togethers or holiday events.  If it's a formal party specifically for something, like a graduation, then it's usually more hosted.  Even if it's not specifically a potluck, I've never gone to a party without asking if there was something I could bring.

Also, even if a party is completely stocked food wise, all of our family/social groups parties are BYOB.  Usually you'll have one type of limited drink, but if you want something specific, you bring it yourself.  This goes for sodas as well as adult beverages.

vantica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:f2ea2f46-0cb8-4894-98ba-ba23c09d7f22">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.
Posted by meg65[/QUOTE]

No different then buying it and transporting it to your own refridgerator. 

I've been to BYOM parties, and I didn't care.  It meant I could bring a chicken breast instead of eating hamburgers and hotdogs.  BBQs tend to be a lot of crappier cheaper meats, and where I am steak is pricey, especially for a larger party.  However, I have also been irritated by the people where every gettogether is a potluck.  I have a friend who has bday parties for her two little girls every year and makes it a potluck.  Maybe for the one year it's ok, but everytime after that?  It's starting to feel like a present grab.  If you can't afford to feed everyone, don't invite them.....especially since many don't even have kids themselves.  Or make it a few trays of appies in the afternoon with cake. 

mandysmear

Potlucks annoy me because I hate being told to do something.  I'm 12.  I know.

I ALWAYS offer to bring something though and unless I am going to the party straight from work I will bring something.  Usually a dip or a salad.

I've heard of bring your own meat parties.  I don't think that would bother me.  I'd probably just bring a bunch of hot dogs or something. 

MyNameIsNot

I'm a little irrational about food cooked in other people's kitchens, so there are very few circumstances where I would consider a potluck.  

If I've never been in your home and seen how you keep your kitchen, I'm probably not going to eat something you cooked.  I had a bad experience with "nicotine beans" a few years back.  

My office had a potluck holiday celebration last year.  I was really happy that everyone was too lazy to cook and bought something from Kroger.  Especially because more than half my office are smokers.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Potlucks are fine. If the point of the party is the potluck. Normally the "host" provides the venue, the main dish and some entertainment, as well as some simple drinks. Others bring sides, desserts, etc. I'm going to a potluck BBQ in a few weeks where the hosts will be showing movies in their backyard.

The difference is that the POINT of a potluck is... a potluck. It's for people to all chip in and share food, and to try other people's dishes. Therefore, it's not really appropriate for anything you are supposed to be hosting for another reason, like a birthday party or a wedding reception.

My dad's extended family gets together twice a year (Labor Day and the Saturday before Christmas) and it's always potluck by default. His aunts and cousins always bring a TON of food. My parents started the holiday party and they provided some things, but they just knew that people would bring multiple dishes to share, because that's just how it is. (Well, for casual parties, not for weddings or anything.)

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:f2ea2f46-0cb8-4894-98ba-ba23c09d7f22">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.
Posted by meg65[/QUOTE]

I am so confused by this.  Cause if I was going to one, I would just stop at the grocery store on my way to the party to pick up my steaks, or chicken, or wieners or whatever.  How do you bring meat home from the grocery store?  Wouldn't it be the same thing/distance? 

ahhhitsshannyn

I love potlucks. My group of friends have been having annual potlucks for I think 5 years now. I think for casual a friendly get together like a BBQ or something I have no problem with potluck.

But if I ever have the potluck at my house I usually provide the meat (although sometimes people bring some too if they want carne asada or something other than burgers and dogs), and enough sides for everyone, and everything else that people bring is just extra. I don't ever want to run out of food! It is usually BYOB and everyone is good with that also.

I guess it just depends on the group of friends and the occasion.

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d209385d-441f-4769-9b16-677d46466316Post:f2ea2f46-0cb8-4894-98ba-ba23c09d7f22">Re: Potluck parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even think about the logistics of BYOM, asking people to transport raw meat around town. Probably don't want to encourage food poisoning.
Posted by meg65[/QUOTE]

This is the weirdest thing I have ever read.

amys325

BYOM isn't the way we normally do potlucks, but I can't really see being bothered by it too much.
 
And I don't think your meat will spoil that quickly.  Unless you leave it in your car for hours in the hot sun.