ummmmmmm...what?

shortee426

Background:  I have a small gap in between my front teeth.  Nothing huge and it doesn't really bother me anymore (although when I was younger it did).

I was just talking to FMIL and she mentioned that she saw someone do a less than 2 minute procedure to remove the gap between someone's teeth on TV.  She then asked if I wanted her help in getting the procedure done.

Ummmmmmmmmm...what?

Speechless.  I luckily was able to change the topic pretty quickly but I was extremely taken aback.

Would you be offended if your MIL/FMIL said something like that to you?  Cause I kind of am.

Beachy730

Well, if my MIL started pointing out my flaws I would definitely start doing it right back to her.  But thats only because I have very little tolerance.  But I would definitely be offended. 

aMrsin09

I'd be offended, but I don't think it would offend me for the rest of my life.

laurenclaire1386

Yeah I think I would. The assumption that the gap bothers you when it doesn't is extremely offputting. FWIW, I like gaps. Adds character

Anysunrise

Honestly, I've had people ask me if my voice was screwed up from sucking too much c0ck. There's not much that offends me about my flaws any more. Hell, if someone told me there was a way to fix it, I'd be all over it.

[Deleted User]

Meh, I usually take that kind of stuff with a grain of salt.  FMIL has never said anything like that to me, but grandma once said "you are so pretty, it's too bad you got your grandpa's nose!"

I actually found it pretty funny.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:56a147c8-b430-4334-9b4c-564b6fd2bab4">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be offended, but I don't think it would offend me for the rest of my life.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

<div>Certainly not grudge-worthy.  Heck...I'll probably be over it by tonight. </div>

M&R7111

I would be a little offended.  Why is she being so vain about your teeth?  It's strange.
But I wouldn't take it too much to heart.  Maybe she assumes it bothers you and is trying to help you fix it?
I get put off when people notice little things that I spend a lot of time convincing myself "no one notices".

I had something similar - a huge bout with adult acne (EEK!) for the past month and my forehead had red cysts in one spot.  We were going to FIL's for dinner and I didn't want to go because of my face (even with makeup).  FI said "what are they going to care/notice?"  So I went and the first thing his dad says (really loud across the room is"What the hell happened to your head?"

I said "acne"  he goes "are you serious? you're joking, at your age??"

UG.  Then FMIL goes "I have Sea Breeze upstairs!  Let me get you some face wash I have around that works well".  Thanks guys, not like I'm not trying  to get rid of this on my own.  Of course, this was also the topic for most of dinner.

laurenclaire1386

I don't know your MIL, obviously, but it probably didn't come from a malicious place. I get where you're coming from though.

kikibaby

People are just morons sometimes.  Foot in mouth disease, y'know?  I had a gap in my front teeth that never bothered me, but plenty of people assumed it did.  My dentist was always like "We can fix that!" 

Although, not gonna lie, I did feel better about my smile after I got it fixed.  Even though, like I said, it wasn't something I dwelled on. 

Amisslis

I also have a small gap between my front teeth. If my FMIL offered to help me get this "flaw" fixed I would probably be extremely livid...for about 5 minutes. On the scale of things that are offensive, spread out over the course of one's life, this would rate pretty low for me. Years ago, before we had even met in person, my future step-mother dropped this gem during a phone call, about my red hair: "We all have our crosses to bear." I have never quite gotten over that one. So, naturally, what might offend you will not necessarily offend me or vice versa. If you otherwise have a good relationship with her, I probably wouldn't worry about it too much.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:a911f610-d502-4315-9815-bf107541e9fa">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]People are just morons sometimes.  Foot in mouth disease, y'know?  I had a gap in my front teeth that never bothered me, but plenty of people assumed it did.  My dentist was always like "We can fix that!"  Although, not gonna lie, I did feel better about my smile after I got it fixed.  Even though, like I said, it wasn't something I dwelled on. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I had one too.  It was actually just that I had a small tooth though so it didn't fill the spot like it should have.  Some people would ask "why didn't you have braces as a kid to fix that gap?" but I was very fortunate that I had very straight teeth and didn't need them.  But finally at the dentist one day she told me she could put some bonding on there and fix it in a few minutes so she did, and I'm really happy I did.  I never noticed or cared about the gap before, but now it always sticks out to me in pictures from before it was fixed.

shortee426

There was definitely not malice behind it.  Come tomorrow, I'll find it funny I'm sure.

It's actually something I had considered a long time ago.  My dentist at the time told me it was this whole complicated oral surgery and I just didn't want to deal with it so I forced myself to turn it into something I like about myself (it shows character! Right?)

Kiki,  was it a simple procedure?  Was it expensive?

megk8oz

Has she ever made any other "critical" remarks to you before? Is she notorious in your FI's family for saying stuff like that (Either maliciously or just stupidly)? Do you otherwise have a good relationship with her?

I'm just wondering because depending on how things are between you two and what she's like in general, it's quite possible she's just one of those idiot people that has no tact, and obliviously thinks she's "being helpful".


ETA: If my MIL said something like to me, yes, I'd be offended. But at the same time, I'd also know that she didn't mean maliciously ... and that she has an incredibly knack for saying the most awkward things, thinking it's "normal".

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:38903b81-3d8d-4849-a737-840fa64cd91a">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I've had people ask me if my voice was screwed up from sucking too much c0ck.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

wtf.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:35a2363f-90c0-45eb-b196-ea091053962a">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]There was definitely not malice behind it.  Come tomorrow, I'll find it funny I'm sure. It's actually something I had considered a long time ago.  My dentist at the time told me it was this whole complicated oral surgery and I just didn't want to deal with it so I forced myself to turn it into something I like about myself (it shows character! Right?)<strong> Kiki,  was it a simple procedure?  Was it expensive?
</strong>Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

Well, obvi I'm not Kiki, but mine was fixed with bonding.  It literally took 15 minutes total maybe and was completely painless.  I didn't need any novicaine or anything either.  The filed the tooth down a bit and then did the bonding to the side to fill the gap.  She also did bonded my 2 front teeth because they were ridgid on the bottoms. 

Anysunrise

Gaps will rectify over time too if the rest of your teeth are fine. They keep moving forward as you get older. My mom used to have a gap she could fit a toonie (two dollar Canadian coin) through, and now her teeth are completely gap free. She does have her wisdom teeth though, that probably helped a bit.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:af19e3fa-b040-4bad-9b9b-97a0c34c1511">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ummmmmmm...what? : wtf.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

<div>Brought to you by complete and utter strangers. People are assholes.</div>

Celles

Srsly.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:283bc557-04d5-4179-978b-746ce0f44672">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Gaps will rectify over time too if the rest of your teeth are fine. They keep moving forward as you get older. My mom used to have a gap she could fit a toonie (two dollar Canadian coin) through, and now her teeth are completely gap free. <strong>She does have her wisdom teeth though, that probably helped a bit.</strong>
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

<div>I have my wisdom teeth, too.  Maybe there's hope for me yet! ;-)</div>

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:283bc557-04d5-4179-978b-746ce0f44672">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Gaps will rectify over time too if the rest of your teeth are fine. They keep moving forward as you get older. My mom used to have a gap she could fit a toonie (two dollar Canadian coin) through, and now her teeth are completely gap free. She does have her wisdom teeth though, that probably helped a bit.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Mine had started to close up a bit when my wisdom teeth were coming in, but once I had them pulled it went back to its original size.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:38903b81-3d8d-4849-a737-840fa64cd91a">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I've had people ask me if my voice was screwed up from sucking too much c0ck. There's not much that offends me about my flaws any more. Hell, if someone told me there was a way to fix it, I'd be all over it.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]


I've had people ask me if I was tranny before. Um ...? I get that I don't have some soft soprano-y princess voice, but really? Slightly deep and raspy, and your first assumption is that I used to be a dude?

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:61f5ebcd-2862-4121-9fa0-a184e28e1cfa">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ummmmmmm...what? : Brought to you by complete and utter strangers. People are assholes.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

<div>That's just not right </div>

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ummmmmmmwhat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d31cac04-fe25-41e8-af8d-044992ead327Post:e5ffb4c3-f99a-4c3b-bc93-b226d6c50911">Re: ummmmmmm...what?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ummmmmmm...what? : Mine had started to close up a bit when my wisdom teeth were coming in, but once I had them pulled it went back to its original size.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I figured. Mine are starting to come in now, and my dentist said they were fine and not going to be taken out, but now my one tooth is going all wonky. I need to go back in soon.</div>

Celles

Oh, and I have a gap between my front teeth, too.  It was more noticable when I was younger, but since my wisdom teeth came in -- I still have them -- and pushed my teeth together, I can barely notice it.  I'm staring at my teeth in a compact mirror now (thanks for making me look like a freak at work, OP! ), and I'm not sure if it can be rightfully called a gap anymore. 

Anna Paquin has a noticable gap and I think she's adorable.

megk8oz

If it makes you feel any better, I forget what cycle of America's Next Top Model it was (15? Idk, I only watch it when they marathon it on Oxygen), but one of the contestants had a small gap in her front teeth. The day they did make-overs Tyra actually had her sent to the dentist to make the gap a little wider so she'd stand out a little more.

aMrsin09

I had a gap as a kid, had braces and closed the gap.  Once I stopped wearing my retainer at night the gap has come back because my sinuses are so bad I breath through my mouth at night and the constant pressure pushes the teeth out.  Or so my dentist says.

If we can get it covered down here (since my bite is slightly off too) I'll get some sort of retainer braces to get it fixed again.

Beachy730

Yeah, and Madonna also has a gap that she is widely known for.  Shortee tell your FMIL that she can send that advice to Madonna.

Wisdom teeth definitely shift them, but it goes back.  My bottom teeth in the front were starting to get a little crooked and overlapping eachother when they were coming in too, but went back to normal now.  That's part of why they are so painful when they come in.

LP11509

To those of you who have had gaps fixed - was it expensive or painful?  What was the procedure like? I have a gap that I am rather self conscious about.  It doesn't bother me on a day to day basis, but I cringe when I see some pictures of me smiling. 

Beachy730

I don't know what the cost was, but it was fully covered under my insurance for the bonding.  And it was 100% pain free.

LP11509

Thanks dnb   I'm horrible and tend to avoid the dentist unless it's an emergency, like when one of my wisdom teeth got infected and had to be pulled out 2 weeks before my wedding :-/  I really need to suck it up and go on a regular basis.