Pleasing People

Juxtaposition00

Last night I told my grandma the size of a wedding I was planning on (about 100 people max).  She said this would not do because of about 50 members of my extended family I don't even know, that I MUST invite.  I convinced her that because of costs and everything it just wasn't what I wanted. However, now she wants to throw me a "wedding party" a few weeks after my wedding to celebrate me getting married with everyone who wasn't invited. 

I don't think this is a good idea........  Thoughts?

mandapanda78

It's a bad idea. That being said, you probably can't stop her from throwing you a party.

danieliza1127

I don't see the point.  It's still going to cost money.  So you would pay for the wedding and she would pay for this extra party after the wedding?  If that's the case, how about she just pay for them to attend the actual wedding? 

akhensley81

I tend to agree with you... based on the "don't invite anyone to anything wedding-related if they're not invted to the wedding" rule... however, if my grandma told me that she wanted to do something like that, I also know there's nothing I could say or do to stop her.

danieliza1127

There's nothing inherently wrong with the party since it's AFTER the wedding, not before, but it's still weird.

kirstenr

Lol my grandma is being a pain about this too.  I have limited seating at my venue, 150 max if everyone wants to sit their butt in a chair simultaneously, so I'm having to work very carefully in my guest list.  She is insisting that I invite some extended family that I've met less than a handful of times in my life-- I'm actually using my mom as a go-between, which is a godsend.  She's telling my grandma that if it's really important to her that they come, she will need to pay for the extra cost, and warning them that they might not have a chair if everyone decides to sit down at once. There's really nothing I can do.

Try working it that way.  See if she'll pay the balance that would exist if these people get to come.  

Juxtaposition00

Well, the thing is that I know my grandma couldn't afford to add more than a couple of people on to the guest list, and she would never compromise with just a couple because then she would be leaving others out.  And throwing a party would cost much less than getting 50 catered dinners.  She would cook everything, or have people bring stuff and it would be at like a park or something. I've been to these kinds of gatherings a few times before and everyone is like, "Oh, I haven't seen you since you were about this tall and wearing overalls."  I wouldn't even know what to say to them, and imagine introducing them to my husband! I don't even know who they are!

I just think its awkward since it feels like saying, "You weren't good enough to be invited to my real wedding, but I feel guilty (and kind of want stuff from you) so I had this celebration that I expected you to bring the potato salad to." Even though that is not the case.

goheels05

I will never understand why someone cares so much who is invited to someone else's wedding.

mandapanda78

Do you think you can maybe convince her to just have a family reunion? And that you'll make an effort to say hi and introduce yourself to everyone so they get to meet your new husband?

georgia_bride09

What manda said. Your grandma wants a family reunion. Your wedding is *neither* the time nor the place for one.

*edited

Juxtaposition00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pleasing-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4c25b66-a785-4e35-9483-9e00f4846f83Post:c003b008-3b4b-4806-a5c8-084c02b59ea8">Re: Pleasing People</a>:
[QUOTE]I will never understand why someone cares so much who is invited to someone else's wedding.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

I know! Unless it was my sister or my mom, I really don't think that I would ever care if someone didn't invite me. Its their wedding, I'm sure they have their reasons. I don't need to be all up in their face about it.

soontobehimes

Yeah, no. All I can think is that if I was invited to a "after wedding party" whether or not I was invited to the actual wedding or not, I don't think I'd go. As a "guest" I'd see it as a way to get more presents or just a littly silly. But, like PP have said.. you might not be able to stop her.

Midgetth

I had this with my grandma too. More of her friends though she wanted there. She likes to show me & my FI off since that's what her friends do with their grandkids.  I explained to her we just didn't have the money to do it & it's only family. Well needless to say she won but she won because she agreed to pay for them since she knew we couldn't afford any extra people. 
   It doesn't make nay sense why you'll grandma be spending more money on a party after the wedding. These people will know they weren't invited & may be offended about that so they'll see it as "Why should we go?" First explain that to her if she still insists tell her you simply can NOT afford it but if she is willing to pay for them then have them there. If you want only a small wedding give her a certain amount of them she may invite and that be that.

srkropf

It's a bad idea, but it's her bad idea, so there's nothing you can do. Unless she wants to pay for these people to come.