Bridesmaid Issues- Sister required?

princessecaroline

I have seven BMs, two of my cousins, two really close friends, two girls I dance with and a girl who really needs an older sister. I am very happy with all of them and they are all doing everything I can to help with things. I was talking to a co-worker about it and she was absolutely astounded that I didn't have my older sister as a BM, is it an unwritten rule to have sisters as BMs?

My sister and I haven't been close since I was about 6. She is currently in a relationship with a guy, who she has a 2-year-old with, who is a Satanist. He has convinced her that all churches are bad and she won't step foot in a church. Wouldn't that make the ceremony a little difficult?

Calypso1977

she might be hurt you didnt ask, but if you arent close and she has issues with churches then i wouldnt ask her.

FutureJilliannD

You don't have to ask her. I think people expect it because siblings tend to be close. In your case, I don't think you have to ask her and it doesn't sound like she would be interested either.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issues-sister-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d58d88cd-28b7-4ebf-ae15-21de5d0230c3Post:9ed2ad4e-a5b7-43af-99fa-b24526c0fc60">Bridesmaid Issues- Sister required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have seven BMs, two of my cousins, two really close friends, two girls I dance with and a girl who really needs an older sister. I am very happy with all of them and they are all doing everything I can to help with things. I was talking to a co-worker about it and she was absolutely astounded that I didn't have my older sister as a BM, is it an unwritten rule to have sisters as BMs? My sister and I haven't been close since I was about 6. She is currently in a relationship with a guy, who she has a 2-year-old with, who is a Satanist. He has convinced her that all churches are bad and she won't step foot in a church. Wouldn't that make the ceremony a little difficult?
Posted by princessecaroline[/QUOTE]

To answer your first question, no you are not required to have your sister in your wedding. That being said, a lot of ladies simply do to save themselves family drama, etc. Only the nearest and dearest should stand up for you on your wedding day, so if you two aren't close, then it wouldn't make much sense for her to be in the wedding.

In regards to your sisters boyfriend, (should you decide to ask her to be a BM), I don't think I would worry about him. If he won't step foot in a church, then that means he wouldn't attend your ceremony assuming it is in a church irregardless of the fact he is dating your sister. I am not telling you what to do, but chances are even if you went ahead and asked her to be a BM, she might decline anyway not only b/c you two aren't close, but due to the boyfriend knowing he wouldn't be able to attend the wedding with her.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issues-sister-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d58d88cd-28b7-4ebf-ae15-21de5d0230c3Post:9ed2ad4e-a5b7-43af-99fa-b24526c0fc60">Bridesmaid Issues- Sister required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have seven BMs, two of my cousins, two really close friends, two girls I dance with and a girl who really needs an older sister. I am very happy with all of them and they are all doing everything I can to help with things. I was talking to a co-worker about it and she was absolutely astounded that I didn't have my older sister as a BM, is it an unwritten rule to have sisters as BMs? My sister and I haven't been close since I was about 6. She is currently in a relationship with a guy, who she has a 2-year-old with, who is a Satanist. He has convinced her that all churches are bad and she won't step foot in a church. Wouldn't that make the ceremony a little difficult?
Posted by princessecaroline[/QUOTE]
You are not required to have anyone in your WP that you don't feel close to.

But, really?  A Satanist?  Tell me more, please.

princessecaroline

The girl is my little brother's ex-gf and she doesn't really have a good home life and we just became pretty close

sklink0486

I have a sister who is much older than me, but I would never ask her to be a bridesmaid. She kinda sounds like your sister except she's the one who started out crazy and has done the convincing that her way of life is right to those who stay around her. So no, I don't think it is necessary to ask your sister to be a bridesmaid, and I kinda doubt she would really want you to if you are having your ceremony in a church for the reasons you stated.

princessecaroline

I don't think my sister will attend the ceremony because she is now a satanist too. This guy is really creepy, he won't even go in a church parking lot. I wanted my nephew to be my ring bearer, but he's not allowed in a church either.

[Deleted User]

So does this mean they worship Satan? I don't know if I have ever heard that term before.

ootmother2

Impressive.  I've never known a Satanist before

princessecaroline

Yes, they worship Satan. They have a book of worship and everything.

[Deleted User]

Interesting. I was just doing some research on them.


oot- I have never known one before either. I mean, H has a few friends/accquaintances that are atheists, but other than that, I have never met one.

mica178

If you want her to be a BM, invite her and allow her to make the decision to attend the ceremony or not.  However, you are not required to invite your sister to be in the bridal part if you don't want to.

If you want her to be BM and your nephew to be RB, you can list them as honorary BM/RB in you program if they cannot attend the ceremony because of their religious beliefs.

mica178

The church of Satan was founded in San Francisco.  I unfortunately stumbled upon one of their big international celebrations on 6-6-06.  I will refrain from saying more about them at this time.

FutureJilliannD

I wonder if they think they will burst into flames or something if they go only holy ground? Not trying to be snarky, I am genuinely curious. I too have never met a Satanist. I mean, I don't for example believe in the Buddhist faith, but I would not hae a problem attending a ceremony at a temple.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

No, you aren't, though I would fine it odd that you thought about putting 7 other girls in your wedding before your sister.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issues-sister-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d58d88cd-28b7-4ebf-ae15-21de5d0230c3Post:f9470546-046a-49b3-ac21-978f58e5b35d">Re: Bridesmaid Issues- Sister required?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wonder if they think they will burst into flames or something if they go only holy ground? Not trying to be snarky, I am genuinely curious. I too have never met a Satanist. I mean, I don't for example believe in the Buddhist faith, but I would not hae a problem attending a ceremony at a temple.
Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]

Most mature people WOULD attend a ceremony at a religious site, even if they don't believe in the faith, out of respect for the bride and groom and THEIR faith. It's not about being a satanist, it's about being an immature asshole.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issues-sister-required?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d58d88cd-28b7-4ebf-ae15-21de5d0230c3Post:f44fb02e-05c2-4974-8a3f-8698e738d773">Re: Bridesmaid Issues- Sister required?</a>:
[QUOTE]The church of Satan was founded in San Francisco.  I unfortunately stumbled upon one of their big international celebrations on 6-6-06.  I will refrain from saying more about them at this time.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

That is what I just read, mica. Weird.

achiduck

Nope, you don't have to have your sister. It's all about choosing people you're close to whom you want to have standing up there with you on your big day. I've chosen FSIL because I genuinely like here. My brother and I aren't close and so he will not be in the WP.

As for your sister's satanist boyfriend, wow. You'd think he'd be a little bit more mature/respectful and just deal with it for the short amount of time that the ceremony would take. No one is going to force him to say the prayers/go through any other rites. Regardless, you still have to invite him knowing he may not come/may not attend the ceremony.

sklink0486

Maybe we have to look at it from their perspective...would we attend a Satanist marriage ceremony? Not sure they have one, but just imagining.....