Wedding Shower Guest List

hannakaylea

Ok girls! Need advice. First off, think very small, humble town. Everybody knows everybody, small weddings with DIY projects and budgets.

Now, FI and I are not really loud, flashy people. When we got engaged, he didn't tell anyone he was going to ask me and once he did ask, we only told his parents and mine. Everyone else found out by word of mouth from other family members. So you shouldn't be surprised to hear we don't want a big fancy wedding. We don't want it to be a huge show or public event where everybody and their brother show up! We want it simple and small with our closest family and ONE friend.

We've made sure to spread the word that it's a very small wedding so people aren't disappointed when they find out they aren't invited. A few of the girls have mentioned they still want to come to the wedding shower even though they aren't going to be invited to the wedding. 

So is it ok to use an invite for the shower explaining we are having a very small, intimate wedding, but would love to have their company for the fun and games at the shower (and be sure to include NO GIFT NECESSARY)??

ootmother2

no can do

Anyone invited to a pre wedding party, such as a shower, must be invited to the wedding.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:e0ea433d-9996-49a4-9425-8231cf8d41e9">Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok girls! Need advice. First off, think very small, humble town. Everybody knows everybody, small weddings with DIY projects and budgets. Now, FI and I are not really loud, flashy people. When we got engaged, he didn't tell anyone he was going to ask me and once he did ask, we only told his parents and mine. Everyone else found out by word of mouth from other family members. So you shouldn't be surprised to hear we don't want a big fancy wedding. We don't want it to be a huge show or public event where everybody and their brother show up! We want it simple and small with our closest family and ONE friend. We've made sure to spread the word that it's a very small wedding so people aren't disappointed when they find out they aren't invited. A few of the girls have mentioned they still want to come to the wedding shower even though they aren't going to be invited to the wedding.  So is it ok to use an invite for the shower explaining we are having a very small, intimate wedding, but would love to have their company for the fun and games at the shower (and be sure to include NO GIFT NECESSARY)??
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nope.  Small wedding means small shower.  Go out to lunch with all of these girls instead.

</div>

ootmother2

"So is it ok to use an invite for the shower explaining we are having a very small, intimate wedding, but would love to have their company for the fun and games at the shower (and be sure to include NO GIFT NECESSARY)??"





Just who is issuing  these invitations?  You can't throw your own shower either.

NOLAbridealmost

I'm sorry, OP.  I certainly understand how you feel but anyone invited to a pre-wedding party (engagement, shower, bachelor/ette) must be invited to the wedding.  Just imagine how you'd feel being invited to something that is all about a big event to come that you are not invited to?

hannakaylea

Ok, so I'm just supposed to tell these girls who have specifically asked to be invited to the shower knowing they are not going to be invited to the wedding that they can't come to the shower either because that's poor etiquette. "Sorry girls! Not allowed to invite you to shower because we decided to have small wedding! Sorry to ignore your wishes!" Sounds just like propper etiquette to me!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:5597eac2-2607-4c17-aabf-198f2fb33c49">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I'm just supposed to tell these girls who have specifically asked to be invited to the shower knowing they are not going to be invited to the wedding that they can't come to the shower either because that's poor etiquette. "Sorry girls! Not allowed to invite you to shower because we decided to have small wedding! Sorry to ignore your wishes!" Sounds just like propper etiquette to me!
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

<div>Well it's really not proper etiquette for them to be asking either.  </div>

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:5597eac2-2607-4c17-aabf-198f2fb33c49">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I'm just supposed to tell these girls who have specifically asked to be invited to the shower knowing they are not going to be invited to the wedding that they can't come to the shower either because that's poor etiquette. "Sorry girls! Not allowed to invite you to shower because we decided to have small wedding! Sorry to ignore your wishes!" Sounds just like propper etiquette to me!
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

did they ask to give you a shower or are you thinking of hosting this yourself?

ggirl2001

Can't you say that you're keeping the shower small as well but would love to do lunch/dinner/other social event with them?

hannakaylea

That's exactly why I said think small-town, everybody knows everybody. Everyone who is here grew up here and has always been here. We're one huge family. They know we don't expect a gift. That's not why they're invited. Not the same etiquette as what you consider proper. These girls would be more offended if they weren't invited. Guess I will have to remember we don't expect as much from one another here as some of you in different areas.

DeadUtopia

I didn't think you were really supposed to have anything to do with the planning of any of your showers. But that aside, I wouldn't expect to have someone at my shower and then not invite them to the wedding. Like PP's said, offer to hang out with them at some other time in a non-wedding-related atmosphere.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:8247114b-0dad-47d8-9aa3-9e6869b3a2a7">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]That's exactly why I said think small-town, everybody knows everybody. Everyone who is here grew up here and has always been here. We're one huge family. They know we don't expect a gift. That's not why they're invited. Not the same etiquette as what you consider proper. These girls would be more offended if they weren't invited. Guess I will have to remember we don't expect as much from one another here as some of you in different areas.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

<div>What is the point of your post then?  You asked if it was okay, and we said no.  But clearly you already made up your mind that you're inviting them anyways, to hell with what etiquette says. </div>

ggirl2001

If you don't expect a gift, why are you having a shower?? The point of a shower is to shower you with gifts?

On that note, I'm from a small town and my family knows a lot of people, totally inviting everyone now since we are nowhere near the minimum needed for the banquet hall the shower is in haha.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:8247114b-0dad-47d8-9aa3-9e6869b3a2a7">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]That's exactly why I said think small-town, everybody knows everybody. Everyone who is here grew up here and has always been here. We're one huge family. They know we don't expect a gift. That's not why they're invited. Not the same etiquette as what you consider proper. These girls would be more offended if they weren't invited. Guess I will have to remember we don't expect as much from one another here as some of you in different areas.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

If you're all this close, then invite them to the wedding. I get that you are on a budget; most of us are. But you make it sound like you are family. The only way to have them at a shower and do it properly is to also invite them to the wedding. Being from a small town doesn't make breaking etiquette OK. It has nothing to do with gifts; it's basically saying "I don't mind if you come to my shower but there's no way I'm paying for you to eat a meal at my wedding." No one is harping on gifts; the whole principle is poor etiquette.

hannakaylea

"Proper etiquette" is more of an opinion anyway. I'm sure people everywhere threw a fit the first time a bride didn't wear white, or anything else out of the ordinary happened. Nothing about our wedding is traditional or normal. Everything is original, unique and stands out. I am shocked to hear so many girls going by what's "proper etiquette." I really thought I would get some humble, colorful opinions of how I could work this to include those who want to be included and make everyone happy. Instead I was disappointed to hear the rules of what I am and am not allowed to do according to some unwritten wedding bible.

DeadUtopia

I know things can be done differently in different areas and in different social circles. Where I am, in our circle, there is RARELY ever been a wedding where the couple has supplied alcohol. It's usually cash bar or byob. Even knowing this, I am not going to go that route. All I can afford to do is beer and wine, but no one has to crack open their wallet to at least have what limited items I can supply. It's not that no one is understanding of your situation, but technically, what you would be doing would be against any wedding 'rules' you would read in any magazine or on any website. Either way, good luck to you

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:29a6375c-46d5-414d-af15-43c28636d840">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]"Proper etiquette" is more of an opinion anyway. I'm sure people everywhere threw a fit the first time a bride didn't wear white, or anything else out of the ordinary happened. Nothing about our wedding is traditional or normal. Everything is original, unique and stands out. I am shocked to hear so many girls going by what's "proper etiquette." I really thought I would get some humble, colorful opinions of how I could work this to include those who want to be included and make everyone happy. Instead I was disappointed to hear the rules of what I am and am not allowed to do according to some unwritten wedding bible.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

<div>So, you posted on the ETIQUETTE board to get ideas of how to BREAK ETIQUETTE?  </div><div>
</div><div>Stop to think about the fact that if everyone has said you can't do it, then you shouldn't do it.  If you want validation, try your club boards.</div>

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:29a6375c-46d5-414d-af15-43c28636d840">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]"Proper etiquette" is more of an opinion anyway. I'm sure people everywhere threw a fit the first time a bride didn't wear white, or anything else out of the ordinary happened. Nothing about our wedding is traditional or normal. Everything is original, unique and stands out. I am shocked to hear so many girls going by what's "proper etiquette." I really thought I would get some humble, colorful opinions of how I could work this to include those who want to be included and make everyone happy. Instead I was disappointed to hear the rules of what I am and am not allowed to do according to some unwritten wedding bible.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]


Proper etiquette isn't just some opinion, the majority of it is written in the many etiquette books that have been published.  IMO, E.Post and Crane's are the best

hannakaylea

<div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:40a2b5a3-3b60-421f-9d8f-3fc5759542bb">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't think you were really supposed to have anything to do with the planning of any of your showers. 
Posted by DeadUtopia[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Actually I didn't plan on any wedding showers being thrown. My bridesmaids decided they wanted to plan one. They asked me for a wedding guest list and then asked about those who had said they wanted to be at the shower to support us! Thought I would get some helpful opinions on here, but clearly, for the most part all I got were rules, not opinions.</div><div>
</div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:87a0fc43-5f9d-412d-94cd-02fad058df9d">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Shower Guest List :clearly you already made up your mind that you're inviting them anyways, to hell with what etiquette says. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
</div></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">My point exactly. To hell with etiquette. It is not required of every single bride in the world to follow some rules that are made up as we go. If I wanted to know if it was proper etiquette, I would've asked that. What I want to know is if you personally think it could work and what your ideas about it are. I can read all the rules I need online and in magazines, which I've done. I don't need them quoted to me. </div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:5ea096b8-e115-450f-99c1-71f3f9a70f83">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]I grew up in the absolute STICKS of New Hampshire. I'm talking throw rocks to Canada middle of nowhere.  Please don't use the small-town line as an excuse to breach etiquette.
Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]</span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">Haha! Breach etiquette! That's funny. I feel like I should get a ticket or be thrown in jail. Hope the FBI hasn't bugged my phone!</span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><span style="line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:600b075d-8cb3-4a68-9a2a-f7efb24b3631">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]I know things can be done differently in different areas and in different social circles. Where I am, in our circle, there is RARELY ever been a wedding where the couple has supplied alcohol. It's usually cash bar or byob. Even knowing this, I am not going to go that route. All I can afford to do is beer and wine, but no one has to crack open their wallet to at least have what limited items I can supply. It's not that no one is understanding of your situation, but technically, what you would be doing would be against any wedding 'rules' you would read in any magazine or on any website. Either way, good luck to you :)
Posted by DeadUtopia[/QUOTE]
</div></span></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">This is what I'm looking for! Thank you! I don't have a problem with a disagreement with what I want to do, or that someone feels it doesn't follow etiquette. The problem is every opinion on here was some small linear idea of how things are allowed to be done. That's it. No options. I am surprised to see how many brides feel stuck by what's allowed. I just dont want it to limiti creativity. That's where the most unique, neat, personal ideas came out.</div>

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:44edd674-b035-402f-8698-aa5f5a4f46e8">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to  Re: Wedding Shower Guest List : Actually I didn't plan on any wedding showers being thrown. My bridesmaids decided they wanted to plan one. They asked me for a wedding guest list and then asked about those who had said they wanted to be at the shower to support us! Thought I would get some helpful opinions on here, but clearly, for the most part all I got were rules, not opinions. In Response to  Re: Wedding Shower Guest List : My point exactly. To hell with etiquette. It is not required of every single bride in the world to follow some rules that are made up as we go. If I wanted to know if it was proper etiquette, I would've asked that. What I want to know is if you personally think it could work and what your ideas about it are. I can read all the rules I need online and in magazines, which I've done. I don't need them quoted to me.  In Response to  Re: Wedding Shower Guest List : Haha! Breach etiquette! That's funny. I feel like I should get a ticket or be thrown in jail. Hope the FBI hasn't bugged my phone! In Response to  Re: Wedding Shower Guest List : This is what I'm looking for! Thank you! I don't have a problem with a disagreement with what I want to do, or that someone feels it doesn't follow etiquette. The problem is every opinion on here was some small linear idea of how things are allowed to be done. That's it. No options. I am surprised to see how many brides feel stuck by what's allowed. I just dont want it to limiti creativity. That's where the most unique, neat, personal ideas came out.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]


Perhaps the knot gods should makea board for unique & personal ideas instead of an etiquette board?

But you're on the etiquette board so you're rather stuck

GeauxTigers17

Where can I get one of those animated smileys that smacks itself in the head? I cannot understand why you posted asking if this is OK, when you'd clearly already made up your mind. And those "neat and unique" ideas you're referring to? My mind is absolutely baffled that you think you have to break etiquette to have a wedding that reflects your personality. Personally, I'd rather follow "the rules" so the people in my life that matter to me don't consider me a selfish jerk who only cares about my pretty princess day.

ootmother2

I'm writing Knot Annie right now to make a board for unique weddings

ywia

DramaGeek

What I want to know is if you personally think it could work and what your ideas about it are. 

My ideas about it are that it's rude and my guests would have been seriously offended to be invited to the shower but not the wedding.  No, I don't personally think it can work because you run the risk of offending people.

Summer2011Bride

Etiquette has nothing to do with wearing a white dress or what your colors are. Those are opinions. They have nothing to do with affecting how you treat other people. Etiquette does. Just because you are breaking it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And why you would come on an Etiquette board to ask opinions, then get them, then say "Well I'm breaking etiquette anyway" is beyond me. But good luck to you with your rude shower.

banana468

OP, I think you're confusing tradition and etiquette. They aren't the same thing. That said, I'll disagree a bit. If the guest is aware that she isn't invited to the wedding and she has made it known that in spite of this, shed like to attend the shower, I don't see the issue. The point of following that practice is to not be rude to those not attending the main event however if you know they are ok with this then the hostesses may bend the rules. I'd be very careful doing this though since it's a slippery slope.

mm4662

Here's a question to throw out to everyone....

What happens if you're place of employment throws you a shower and those people aren't invited to the wedding?

What is the etiquette with that?

mm4662

Hannah-

I sometimes think etiquette is pretty "old school" but at the same time, I do think the "rule" of inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding doesn't work.

That being said, if you have made up your mind, you've made up your mind!

I think people were just letting you know it was against etiquette. I don't think anyone's response was intended to offended you or for you to take personal.

Good luck!

snwilson0416

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:aff1cb2c-131a-4158-b9b9-22c7ed2476c2">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's a question to throw out to everyone.... What happens if you're place of employment throws you a shower and those people aren't invited to the wedding? What is the etiquette with that?
Posted by mm4662[/QUOTE]
I believe work and church showers are generally considered the exception to the rule.

banana468

Ditto.  Work and church showers are the exception to the 'no guest' rule. 

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-guest-list-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5dea356-8a1d-4403-9904-5e19edc7eb22Post:29a6375c-46d5-414d-af15-43c28636d840">Re: Wedding Shower Guest List</a>:
[QUOTE]"Proper etiquette" is more of an opinion anyway. I'm sure people everywhere threw a fit the first time a bride didn't wear white, or anything else out of the ordinary happened. Nothing about our wedding is traditional or normal. Everything is original, unique and stands out. I am shocked to hear so many girls going by what's "proper etiquette." I really thought I would get some humble, colorful opinions of how I could work this to include those who want to be included and make everyone happy. Instead I was disappointed to hear the rules of what I am and am not allowed to do according to some unwritten wedding bible.
Posted by hannakaylea[/QUOTE]

It is NOT an opinion, it is making your guests comfortable. Guests not invited to a wedding are not comfortable at a shower. And these ARE written rules. Go to a bookstore and look up books by Emily Post, etc.
Seriously, if you wanted validation for a bad idea, you should have gone to your month board or club board. You won't get it here.
Good luck with planning.

lindsay5432

OP, for what it's worth, we had a lady who was invited to my wedding & shower, ask if she could bring her (adult) daughter to the shower because she happened to be in town for the weekend and that way they could visit with the family.  I said I was ok with it.  The wedding invitations had already gone out so everyone knew who was and was not invited.