Deceased Parents and Grandparents in Wedding Program

jeccaerin

All of our grandfathers are deceased, his grandmother, and his father are deceased. We don't really want to put "and the late..." before all of their names. Most of the people coming to our wedding are family members (we are having a small wedding) so they would know who has passed away, and it seems so depressing to see all of "the lates" on our wedding programs. We would like to keep spirits light for this special day. We will be acknowledging our deceased family members in subtle ways during the ceremony. Is it ok to leave "the late" off of the programs before these beloved family members or is it completely against etiquette? I am assuming my future mother in law is very aware of the absence of her husband and it seems somewhat harsh to emphasize that loss. I really just want to do what is best for those left behind. I don't want to add any more pain to their day. It might be that not adding it will add "insult to injury" so to speak. Any suggestions for program wording?

nda8414

I've seen programs that say something like, "in honor of those who couldn't be with us today" and it listed deceased and a very close family member/friend or two who couldn't come.  That's sweet of you to be so concerned

jeccaerin

Wonderful ideas! Thank you very much!

MuppetOverlord

those are good ideas.

I will have a candle near my guestbook representing the presence of our missing loved ones.

NOLAbridealmost

It's not rude at all to leave off the deceased from the programs. I'd just skip the programs in general and then problem solved.

libby2483

In your situation, I would probably just leave the grandparents off the program, and just put parents.  This is what we did, as we both have deceased grandparents, as well as grandparents that have re-married.  Heck, H has a grandpa that is actually his stepdad's stepdad.  We just honored the grandparents with corsages and boutonnieres.  

StephJean83

As a guest, when I see "late" in front of a parent or grandparent list, even if I don't know the couple, it makes me teary eyed. I would rather see it listed as "Those that couldn't be with us today" than listed as the parents/grandparents/bridal party. One wedding I went to had the grooms dad listed in both places and that was too much for me and I had just met the couple that day.

lovelybride614

I agree with pp's. You can put something in the program about in honor of those who couldn't be here today and then put a memorial candle or vase some where special in the ceremony and bring it to the reception if you want. These ideas can bring the honor and sweetness of the memories without making everyone super sad.

Jen4948

You could put an asterisk after their names in the program and then footnote at the bottom "In Loving Memory" or something appropriate.  You can also list them in a separate page or section of the program dedicated to those who are deceased or absent.

gpeeples

I was originally planning on mentioning deceased family members, since my grandfather passed away in the past year, and my mother passed away when I was a teenager.  But after talking with the officiant, we decided not to mention them in the ceremony.  Especially since we are having a very short ceremony (about 15 mintues), she said it might take away from the happiness of the ceremony.  The more I thought of it, I kept imagining my grandmother and other family members sitting in the front row crying.  I think it depends how you think your family would react.  In some families, it might be custom to mention deceased family members.