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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Engagement Gift for Fiance?
Hi! I'm writing because my mom has brought it to my attention that I should give my fiance an engagement gift. She cited Amy Vanderbilt, as a pretty authoritative source, who said an engagement gift should be given to the groom soon after he proposes. Now, I've heard of giving a wedding day gift and that that should be a nice, special gift. And, I would like to spend some money and get him something very nice, like a really nice watch....and I was thinking then maybe on our wedding day I could give him something more personal and not as expensive so that I'm not overdoing my budget on etiquette gifts or something, haha. (BTW, we're probably not going to get married within the next several months so it's not like I would potentially be giving back-to-back gifts.) So, what have you heard? What do you know of the etiquette on this issue? Should I give two separate gifts?
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Re: Engagement Gift for Fiance?
Get him something if you want, but I wouldn't call it a necessity. DH and I didn't even exchange wedding gifts.
Miss Mrs.
Do what you want. But as far as engagements and weddings go, there are going to be gifts all over the place. A gift for the engagement isn't entirely necessary. He's got a new fiancee, that's pretty exciting.
I don't think I gave my H anything, although I did treat him to the amusement park/waterpark a few weeks later, and covered the hotel for that trip. He bought the baseball tickets, though, so I don't think it really counts.
Bottom line - it's not required, but you certainly can. And, your gift giving is none of your mother's business, OR Amy Vanderbilt, who is more or less a wannabe etiquette "authority". I have one of her books (on sale for $5), and I never, ever use it.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
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[QUOTE]We didn't do wedding day gifts, but I did buy my H a ukulele shortly after he proposed. He'd been wanting one for awhile <strong>and since he'd just dropped a bunch of money on something pretty for me, I figured I'd get him a present.</strong> The ukulele was nice, but nothing compared to my ring, haha.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
This was exactly my thinking when my FI proposed to me. I bought a LV messenger bag he had been eyeing for a while.
I do want to make clear that my mom was making a suggestion and she's not domineering in any way about my wedding. She and I are looking into this a little further to see how strong the etiquette is, which, judging by the responses, it's definitely not a norm - which is exactly what I wanted to know. So this is very helpful. Thank you!
Bottom line: do you want you want, not what other people tell you that you "should" do. I would keep this in mind through out the wedding planning process (and life in general).
Amy Vanderbilt (July 22, 1908 – December 27, 1974) was an American authority on etiquette. In 1952 she published the best selling book Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette. The book, later retitled Amy Vanderbilt's Etiquette, has been updated and is still in circulation today. The most recent edition (ISBN 0-385-41342-4) was edited by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan. Its longtime popularity has led to it being considered a standard of etiquette writing.
In the 50's the rule of etiquette was for the bride to give the groom an "everlasting" token as an engagement gift; usually an engraved watch or (my favorite) an embossed leather portfolio.
I think it is safe to say that this tid bit of etiquette from the 50's is no longer the norm.
I did not get my FI an engagement gift, but I am working on a wedding gift for him. It is a poster of his family tree, as he is very interested in his family geneology.
You can let your Mom know that this is just not done anymore.
[QUOTE]Even though giving your FI an engagement gift may not be the norm anymore, I still think it is a very nice gesture. When you think about it, why should the woman get this expensive ring as a token of your SO's love but the man shouldn't have to get anything in return? I know expensive rings aren't necessary... or any ring for that matter. But if we're talking about the norm here, it is still the norm for the woman to receive something in exchange for a marriage proposal.
Posted by angiebear11[/QUOTE]
There is a difference between buying your FI something as a gift because you want to and buying your FI a gift because he biitched that its not fair that you got a ring and he doesn't get anything. Thats what I was talking about. If you want to get him a signed baseball that you know he will love and cherish, thats great.. but don't do it because he has a stick up his ass because of a decision he made to give you a ring.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Gift for Fiance? : There is a difference between buying your FI something as a gift because you want to and buying your FI a gift because he biitched that its not fair that you got a ring and he doesn't get anything. Thats what I was talking about. If you want to get him a signed baseball that you know he will love and cherish, thats great.. but don't do it because he has a stick up his ass because of a decision he made to give you a ring.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
I 100% agree. I actually starting writing that before the other posts and it wound up posting after. So I actually wasn't replying to the other posts regarding the subject. My comment just happen to post after.
planning
My FI gave me the engagement ring he wanted to give me. He never complains about the price or thinks I need to find a way to "make it up" to him. Yeesh.
I buy FI lots of gifts when something pops up that I think he'd like. I usually don't slap a title on the gift, it's just a gift.
It's not required obviously.
are you a gift giving person? are you having and engagement party?
If you're NOT having an engagement party and you're giving him a gift just because he gave you a ring that's ridiculous.
If you're having an engagement party because your mother is throwing it for you both and others are coming... then i'd get him a little something because i think that's nice and because I did that
Something small and something he'd like (I got FI an autographed Bruins hockey puck - and then they lost...
For a wedding present I got him a Smith gym. I think he's used the flask more...
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On the flip side, it was a sweet present for him. Maybe I should have been warned when he fingerprint password protected it and wouldn't let me use it.
Oh well. He proposed with a puppy.
I"m keeping the dog.
[QUOTE]Up to you. I bought mine an amazing $3,500 sony laptop. But, two days ago, he broke our engagement (EVERYthing was planned and all deposits will be lost) and kicked me out. On the flip side, it was a sweet present for him. Maybe I should have been warned when he fingerprint password protected it and wouldn't let me use it. Oh well. He proposed with a puppy. I"m keeping the dog.
Posted by maddenj[/QUOTE]
<div>I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you! At least you get to keep the puppy (seems like you got the better end of the deal on that one!)</div><div>
</div><div>As for giving gifts...I only know 1 girl who gave her FI a present when he proposed. Partly because he proposed on HIS birthday (which is tradition in his family) and partly because she knew had a feeling it was coming so she wanted to get him a something a little bit extra special for his birthday.</div>