MoH help!

tkchan21

My MoH has issues with every single dress I try to pick out for her! She says that they are 'not her.' She is on a very tight budget, and cannot really spend much on a dress. She wants one that she can wear again and again. I have tried to let her pick out her own dress in the color I want her to wear and she shos me dresses that I think are too skimpy for a wedding. They are what could be considered 'club wear.' She is my only female friend who I could consider my maid of honor, but she wants to wear what is 'her' fashion. I tried to explain that I didnt think the dresses were appropriate, and she called me bridezilla. Her regular wear is rather tight and revealing, and she says its perfectly normal. What can I do? I can't even afford to buy the dress myself, as I am already cutting corners for the basics.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7eacd39-011b-477c-af57-8eea603d6449Post:7c9d3e22-ff31-404d-88be-ea04fc88c539">MoH help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My MoH has issues with every single dress I try to pick out for her! She says that they are 'not her.' She is on a very tight budget, and cannot really spend much on a dress. She wants one that she can wear again and again. I have tried to let her pick out her own dress in the color I want her to wear and she shos me dresses that I think are too skimpy for a wedding. They are what could be considered 'club wear.' She is my only female friend who I could consider my maid of honor, but she wants to wear what is 'her' fashion. I tried to explain that I didnt think the dresses were appropriate, and she called me bridezilla. Her regular wear is rather tight and revealing, and she says its perfectly normal. What can I do? I can't even afford to buy the dress myself, as I am already cutting corners for the basics.
Posted by tkchan21[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're being unreasonable.  I don't think there's anything more that you can do, other than to maybe designate a color AND length of dress for her to choose.  Ultimately, yes, she has to wear the dress and should get a say in what makes her feel comfortable, but she needs to fit the formality of the wedding.

Kate61487

I don't really know what more you can do.  It's perfectly reasonable of you to say you want something a little more conservative than a skin tight mini dress.  She needs to get real, and pick a dress that would be appropriate to wear in a church (I'm presuming that's part of the reason you're concerned with her choices).

ETA - does she have any dresses in her closet now that you would consider appropriate?  maybe you can try to find something similar in style?

hlmauney

I totally agree that her dress needs to be appropriate for your wedding, but you did know what her style was when you asked her to be a BM. Since you two are close enough that you asked her to stand up with you on one of the most important days of your life, there has to be a way for you to compromise and find a dress that you can both live with. Maybe take a break from the dress shopping for a couple of weeks, enjoy each others company as friends and readdress the issue in a couple of weeks. This should not be a friendship ending issue. Good luck!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You can specify something like, "it needs to be about knee length" and tell her she can have it hemmed after the wedding if she wants.

tkchan21

Thank you for the suggestions. Its just really hard to get through to her. I have showed her about 5 stores and their entire selections. She said they were all ugly. I even Ok'd this dress, which looks like something she already owns and she said it was ugly: http://www.windsorstore.com/Chacha-Red-Prom-Dresses/p/132159

Even things like this: http://www.windsorstore.com/Pre-Order:-Baisy-Red-Prom-Dresses/p/133754
These are from the store she loves and the second dress has the same bottom as a skirt she owns.
Even the infinity dress she said was ugly and too complicated.

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d7eacd39-011b-477c-af57-8eea603d6449Post:79cec92c-e8fd-417c-8b56-70fcfb3cfb69">Re: MoH help!</a>:
[QUOTE]You can specify something like, "it needs to be about knee length" and tell her she can have it hemmed after the wedding if she wants.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
This.<div>
</div><div>I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  It is an expected request that your party wears something that is apporpriate for a wedding.  If she wants to have it hemmed or altered after the wedding she can, but it is your wedding and if it was hers, she would want things her way too. </div>

ootmother2

um, those dresses you posted are unusual for MOH dresses, aren't they?

kekr0202

Wow.  I'm so sorry you're having difficulty here as this should be something fun you can do with your MoH.  I think you are being reasonable and it's awesome that you've tried to compromise a bit by offering a couple dresses that are more her style than yours (by the way, she must have a killer body as that first dress you posted is not a style that most can pull off!  She should look good in anything!).

When I took my MoH dress shopping we both picked out a bunch of dresses for her to try and it just happened to be that we both fell in love with one particular dress.  I told her from the start I was paying for her dress so the pressure was off there for her to worry about budget.

I guess it's my personal opinion that if this gal is your maid of honor you should be able to have a conversation with her to let her know how you feel.  If not, maybe she shouldn't be your maid of honor.

Best of luck!

redheadfsu

The examples you gave are very odd for BMs dresses, IMO.

Can you provide examples of the dresses she did pick out that you vetoed?

rebarobert2012

I don't think that you are being unreasonable.  In fact, I think that you are being pretty gracious.  While I understand being on a budget and wanting a dress you can wear again, I don't think it's right that she continues to choose dresses that make you uncomfortable.

Leenie10

I think your friend is being inconsiderate. You are giving her plenty of leeway and she needs to get with the program, which is after all - your program. Agree with the suggestion to suggest she can have the dress shortened or altered after your wedding. Wish I had more suggestions- good luck.

entropicbeauty

Is it possible she just doesn't like the color red?

What are your wedding colors? Maybe ask her if she wants to select a dress in a different color (she can be a diff. color than your other bridesmaids because she's MoH!)

francienyc

I agree with pretty much everyone else!  At a certain point she's got to suck it up--it's your wedding.  One of my MoH's has expressed her preferences, but she says at the end of the day she'll wear whatever I tell her to.  But of course I'm going to take her style into consideration.

Your MoH has to compromise and realize she's not shopping for herself.  Getting the dress hemmed or altered later sounds like an excellent idea--that could even be your gift to her.  But on the wedding day, she's got to deal.