kids before wedding / shower etiquette???

Chastity193

my fiance and myself have 1 child, another on the way, getting married 12/10/12. it's his 2nd marriage. my 1st. we wanted to have kids first because, well.... he's turning 40 this year. (i'm 35) when we realized we'd be together forever, we decided to put our money and time into babies, and buying/fixed a new house. 

so basically, do i get to have a shower since we've done all the "after wedding, usually" things already? we already know that all of his family may not be open to coming to the shower / wedding (some are old school-thinking) but they just come then, right? 

and my list of family and friends is 110, his 60. is 170 invites too much for a wedding when he's getting remarried? do you think people will understand that it's my 1st (and only wedding) ??? 

MyNameIsNot

The fact that you already have kids has no bearing on whether you get a shower.  If someone offers to throw one for you, you can accept.

Since it is his second wedding, I would probably limit the guest list to your side of the family.  

KatyRoseM

I would invite his family too, they might be hurt at not being included. 

leah2b

Sure you can have a shower.  It was my first marraige, my husband's second and his family was just as happy and excited for a shower.  I don't think you need to limit it.  That being said, someone needs to step up to host it.

Beachy730

You are fine to have a shower.  As PPs said having kids or already owning a house do not require you to say no if someone offers to throw you one. 

As for your wedding, I think you are fine with the guest list you have.  I don't think you need to not invite his family because he has already been married.  To not invite people or to assume that people would not want to come is like saying you don't think this wedding is important because its not his first.  If people choose not to come thats another story.

squirrly

Invite who you want to a wedding.  If you're on to wedding #4 I might scale back, but just because it's his second doesn't mean (to me) that you're doomed to a tiny affair for 30 people. 

I was in the same boat, by the way - my first, his second.  We had a few of his family members who didn't come that went to his first wedding, but ours was 1000 miles from where they live, which I'm pretty sure had something to do with their absence. 

As for having had kids first - if somebody offers you a shower, you're free to accept.  The kids are unrelated to the wedding shower.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-before-wedding-shower-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db1506a5-922c-4576-99b2-a4f2911618e7Post:8667cb82-d8be-4fcd-a6de-2f433aac67a5">Re: kids before wedding / shower etiquette???</a>:
[QUOTE]The fact that you already have kids has no bearing on whether you get a shower.  If someone offers to throw one for you, you can accept. Since it is his second wedding, I would probably limit the guest list to your side of the family.  
<p>Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Do you mean limit the guest list for the shower to her side, or limit the guest list to the wedding itself to her side?   I can see your point for the shower, but I disagree completely if you meant for the actual wedding/reception.  </p>

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-before-wedding-shower-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db1506a5-922c-4576-99b2-a4f2911618e7Post:0af8482a-ea9d-4a0d-be11-cb0980b2f3a0">kids before wedding / shower etiquette???</a>:
[QUOTE]my fiance and myself have 1 child, another on the way, getting married 12/10/12. it's his 2nd marriage. my 1st. we wanted to have kids first because, well.... he's turning 40 this year. (i'm 35) when we realized we'd be together forever, we decided to put our money and time into babies, and buying/fixed a new house.  so basically, do i get to have a shower since we've done all the "after wedding, usually" things already? we already know that all of his family may not be open to coming to the shower / wedding (some are old school-thinking) but they just come then, right?  and my list of family and friends is 110, his 60. is 170 invites too much for a wedding when he's getting remarried? do you think people will understand that it's my 1st (and only wedding) ??? 
Posted by Chastity193[/QUOTE]

You still get to have a shower, imo. Plenty of people have kids and live together before getting married. There is no right or wrong order, unless you have religious reasons to think otherwise. And it looks like some of these people do.
I would invite them and leave it to their discretion whether or not they attend.
I don't think 170 people is too much, no matter what your situation is. Numbers shouldn't matter. Yeah, it's your first wedding, but so what if it's his second? It's this marriage that matters right now. He gets to start from scratch and you get to start, period.
Just my opinions, though. :)

leia1979

As others have said, if someone wants to throw you a shower, that's great.

If the guest list you're talking about is for the wedding, that's fine too. I don't see a reason to exclude people just because it's his second wedding.  I recently attended a wedding where it was the first for the groom and second for the bride. The bride's side still outnumbered the groom's (by a lot) even though it was her second wedding. She just had a big family, and they all wanted to attend.

nda_roxybabe

I'd probabllllllly think more about this in 2 years.