Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?

Kaie

My FI and I would like to have a small intimate wedding. There are persons who we want to invite but we are not close with their wife or husband. Is it wrong to only invite the desired person and leave their spouses' names off the invitation?

If I invite that spouse, to whom we are not close, how can we omit extended family relatives to whom we are closer?

What are your opinions?

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?:[QUOTE]My FI and I would like to have a small intimate wedding. There are persons who we want to invite but we are not close with their wife or husband. Is it wrong to only invite the desired person and leave their spouses' names off the invitation?If I invite that spouse, to whom we are not close, how can we omit extended family relatives to whom we are closer? What are your opinions? Posted by Kaie[/QUOTE]

It's beyond rude to omit spouses, partners, signficant others, boyfriends/girlfriends... social units should be inivted together regardless of your relationship to the second person. Unfortunately, like every other bride and groom, you have to decide whether the desire for the small size of your wedding outweighs the desire to invite extended family. But whatever you do, you must invite anyone in a couple with their significant other.

strlzfan11

Significant others must be invited.  If the spouse declines to come, that's his/her choice, but he/she still needs to be invited.

Whether or not you invite someone's SO has no effect on whether not you should/shouldn't invite your extended family members.

misssunshine17

Yes, yes, yes. You have to invite all people who consider themselves in a relationship, they are a social unit. I understand it does kind of suck, but imagine getting invited to a wedding and you FI wasn't invited? There is no way in hell I would go, it's just rude. 

rsanna

Ditto PPs.  It was extremely rude to not invite someone's spouse. It comes off as even more ironic when you consider your wedding day is all about love and you have decided that love really isn't that important to you (you know, because you aren't inviting your friend's spouses). 

Andplusalso, it is sending a message to those friends that you don't REALLY care about them, because that spouse is important to them and so the spouse/SO should be important to you because they are important to your friend. But if you choose not to invite the spouse then, well, it just sends a message that you don't really care about that person as a friend.

Kaie

Ok. Thanks everyone.

s-aries8990

You can't not inivte spouses and get away with it. As a pp said, how would you feel if you were invited to a wedding and FI wasn't? You're going to have to make the decision between family or friends, or just invite them all.

If you invite them all, would you be going over budget or over capacity? How many people are we talking about here?

And some people understand budgets and capacity restrictions, but that doesn't give you an excuse to breach etiquette so boldly.

Kaie

It would be going over budget. We are waiting til our house finishes before we get married. So we our about to start paying a mortgage, saving now for furniture and for wedding. Another issue is that, he doesnt have as many guests as I do and the spouses just complicate the guest list.  I see everyone's point tho. Thanks.

Kaie

We are not going on a honeymoon since the house will be finished we plan to spend a weekend in it first without the kids. I am wearing my mother's wedding dress. My parents got married last year so its pretty new. The only thing we are really spending money on other than the reception is our rings: the set for us both comes to 2100 US dollars in all. So, i am not sure where to cut back. I have seen persons talking about a cake and punch reception but I dont think that will go too well with Caribbean ppl. We plan to have a morning wedding and a breakfast buffet reception. If you have any ideas on where we could cut back, let me know. Gest list 50 ppl maximum.

SB1512

Are there areas within the reception you can cut back on, like decorations? Or did you mean that the money at the reception is only going towards food and you aren't having extra stuff like decorations?

s-aries8990

What does your decor look like? What are your bar options? What are your food options? Can you cut centerpieces? Cut out favors? Can you omit the friends or omit the family?

You can't break up a couple, because that would actually complicate the guest list more. What if Suzy shows up with her husband because she though that he would be invited too? Then you're at 51 people. But what if Jeff and Sally and Mark also bring their SO's? That's an extra 4 people.

Also, you don't have to invite the same number as him, they don't need to be even.

Kaie

My best friend is doing all decorations free. The price includes breakfast and drinks and the place is complimentary. We are not having alcohol. I am thinking now the only thing to do would be to leave off extended family.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_must-invitations-be-extended-to-spouses-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29d6c0-1c5b-4c48-83a9-0bbac0a6134dPost:47d0fde8-64bf-4e70-906d-3b476ee14799">Re: Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend is doing all decorations free. The price includes breakfast and drinks and the place is complimentary. We are not having alcohol. I am thinking now the only thing to do would be to leave off extended family.
Posted by Kaie[/QUOTE]

Leave off extended family and then after you're married send out announcements with your new house address.

melissanjoe21

If it were me and my FI was told not to come I probably wouldn't go either.  Sorry

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_must-invitations-be-extended-to-spouses-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29d6c0-1c5b-4c48-83a9-0bbac0a6134dPost:1a926fc1-e04a-46a7-a040-86f4f6202c13">Re: Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?</a>:
[QUOTE]It would be going over budget. We are waiting til our house finishes before we get married. <strong>So we our about to start paying a mortgage, saving now for furniture and for wedding.</strong> Another issue is that, he doesnt have as many guests as I do and the spouses just complicate the guest list.  I see everyone's point tho. Thanks.
Posted by Kaie[/QUOTE]

I know it's not ideal, but browse local resale shops (chains like Salvation Army and Goodwill are okay, privately owned shops are even better) for secondhand furniture, and put out the word with family that you are looking for furniture. H and I bought our house last summer and were gifted a couch and a chair. They don't match the decor, but an inexpensive clothe cover and they work great and were free. H's sister furnished her entire apartment with thrift store/resale finds. Also, check your local Craigslist. Sometimes you can find gems on there.

Could help save some bucks in the meantime.

Jen4948

Unfortunately, etiquette doesn't give you a choice.  Spouses must be invited together, even if you don't know or like one of them and even if it means someone else can't be invited because you're inviting that one spouse.

So you need to think hard about who you do want to extend invitations to.  You might not be able to invite extended family members or friends.  It sucks.  But it would be intensely rude to invite a married person without their spouse.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_must-invitations-be-extended-to-spouses-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29d6c0-1c5b-4c48-83a9-0bbac0a6134dPost:6d671a7a-ac9d-4509-b2f4-e613152ac8ca">Re: Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, yes, yes. You have to invite all people who consider themselves in a relationship, they are a social unit. I understand it does kind of suck, but imagine getting invited to a wedding and you FI wasn't invited? There is no way in hell I would go, it's just rude. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

This did happen to me- and i went alone. Miserable... and the couple is divorced now. Karma ;)

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_must-invitations-be-extended-to-spouses-i-dont-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29d6c0-1c5b-4c48-83a9-0bbac0a6134dPost:47d0fde8-64bf-4e70-906d-3b476ee14799">Re: Must invitations be extended to spouses I dont know?</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend is doing all decorations free. The price includes breakfast and drinks and the place is complimentary. We are not having alcohol. <strong>I am thinking now the only thing to do would be to leave off extended family.</strong>
Posted by Kaie[/QUOTE]

This sounds like the easiest option.

Oh and to add to a PP's comment about second hand furniture. This is actually a really good idea. When we bought our first house, we moved in on a Friday and the next day, our neighbor was having a yard sale, she asked us if we had bought furniture and offered a full living room set (still in plastic) for $70. She ended up not liking the color so she was selling it at her sale and nobody asked about it. We scored and she was a happy friendly neighbor. I just gifted it to my BIL and his gf since they just moved in together to their new place. I know the odds of you finding a generous neighbor with furniture are slim but yard / garage / estate sales maybe?

Kaie

Ok. Thanks again everyone.