When are people to understand its MY DAY and not about them?!?! vent..

TheBaney

I think that weddings are hard sometimes, because it's one of the first times you really have to be firm with people (like in these situations) but it's also a time when women are (sometimes harshly) judged for the way they relate to other people.

You have decided cousins aren't invited, now it's up to you to communicate that to your family. I'd make sure they understand that no invitation = no seat and no food.

Good luck!

Meegles4

1. It sounds like you're experiencing a little pre-wedding stress. There is no need to "haul off and punch people while walking down the isle."

Breathe.

2. Call up this aunt and say the bit about what PPs have said that the invite is only for 2. When she pushes back, you say "If that's the way you feel, I'm sorry and we'll miss you and Uncle John at the wedding."

3. You will probably notice if other people show up. And you know what? You won't care. I had extra vendor assistants I didn't know about show up as well as a guest that had declined. Somehow I assume they ate, but I honestly couldn't tell you what they ate, why they were there, or what they did because I was busy enjoying my wedding and I figured it'd all work out. Apparently it did because I haven't gotten any bills from my caterer for extra meals and I haven't gotten any guest complaints.

shanliann

If you made reservations at a restaurant for a table for 2, what would they do if you showed up with 4. They wouldn't be able to accomidate you. Maybe later at a different table or something but not as originally planned and since you are the one who did the "original plannning" they need to respect your wishes. And could you imagine, if all your aunts and uncles did this? you would have 100+ extra people at your wedding!! NO WAY!!! Stand your ground. the invitation was addressed to 2 people(aunt and uncle) period. end of story.

megan8290

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-are-people-to-understand-its-my-day-and-not-about-them-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc365c74-c7fa-4a00-930a-618a605349cbPost:65eaa663-83d1-414f-a928-af5849b98ff7">Re: When are people to understand its MY DAY and not about them?!?! vent..</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - if you don't want to allow those substitutions, you need only call and say "I apologize for any confusion, but the invite was for the two of you only.  We cannot make substitutions and therefore will not be able to accommodate them."  If she continues to push the matter, just reiterate and say "I understand you concerns, but this is not up for discussion.  We will not be adding them to our guest list, so there will be no seats or meals available for them."  Rinse and repeat as necessary.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree! My therapist calls it "the tape recorder strategy". Some people just don't listen, repeat it as much as necessary until the point has been taken. :)</div><div>I'm so sorry you have deal with this crap. I hope my RSVP won't be nearly as painful. </div><div>Good luck and keep us updated!</div>

Ali092011

I like jemmini's suggestion, too. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I think you have to deal with this, not your father at this point.

Good luck. These stories make me so happy to have a tiny, well-dispersed, not very close-knit family.

C&MMartel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-are-people-to-understand-its-my-day-and-not-about-them-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc365c74-c7fa-4a00-930a-618a605349cbPost:bccd4c58-e00c-4e78-a4ad-e862b18cde96">Re: When are people to understand its MY DAY and not about them?!?! vent..</a>:
[QUOTE]I like jemmini's suggestion, too. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I think you have to deal with this, not your father at this point. Good luck. These stories make me so happy to have a tiny, well-dispersed, not very close-knit family.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
Im jealous... lol. I swear half my family cant take a crap without the other knowing within 5 minutes.  They are always in each other business causing family drama.

And i called and left a message just simple saying-

"Hey uncle/aunt i haven't heard from you about your rsvp and i know my father said you would get back to them by this weekend but i need an answer by tomorrow for the caterer and he mentioned you wanting cousin x and y to come and at this time due to budgets and being fair to the other family we cant accommodate them at this time, i hope you understand. And hope that you and aunt are still able to join us as the two of you, but if you don't feel comfortable coming without them you will be missed, my number is blah blah call me by tomorrow please or ill have to assume you will not be joining us"

i can almost bet they will not call. But im done with it at this point. Lucky for me i have a very supportive considerate family im marrying into. :)

megan8290

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-are-people-to-understand-its-my-day-and-not-about-them-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc365c74-c7fa-4a00-930a-618a605349cbPost:3fb442b9-77de-43a2-a8e3-e9543cae0fd5">Re: When are people to understand its MY DAY and not about them?!?! vent..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When are people to understand its MY DAY and not about them?!?! vent.. : Im jealous... lol. I swear half my family cant take a crap without the other knowing within 5 minutes.  They are always in each other business causing family drama. And i called and left a message just simple saying- "Hey uncle/aunt i haven't heard from you about your rsvp and i know my father said you would get back to them by this weekend but i need an answer by tomorrow for the caterer and he mentioned you wanting cousin x and y to come and at this time due to budgets and being fair to the other family we cant accommodate them at this time, i hope you understand. And hope that you and aunt are still able to join us as the two of you, but if you don't feel comfortable coming without them you will be missed, my number is blah blah call me by tomorrow please or ill have to assume you will not be joining us" i can almost bet they will not call. But im done with it at this point. Lucky for me i have a very supportive considerate family im marrying into. :)
Posted by C&MMartel[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Well done!!!

</div>

BunnyBerries

I think you're making the right choice. Only you know your family, we don't have a clue so if you say they're that terrible we have to take your word for it. Do what makes you happy and don't let anyone think that just because they are family they have any control over YOUR wedding. Hell nahhhhhh. 

C&MMartel

As a side note my uncle called me today to return my call and and left a message.... this is his response

"Hey its uncle, so i just had a couple questions, one being i was just wondering what you guys were having at the reception for dinner... so if you could give me a call back my cell is xxxxxxxxxx"

DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER IF THEY WERE COMING OR NOT!!!! Way to add to my aggravation...and just further my "judgmental" approach that they are just coming for the meal and not to see his niece get married...

Yup.. welcome to my family...

Negazilla

CMGr, your comment is unsupportive and unhelpful.  

C&MMartel, I would maybe give them a call yourself.  Your word is a lot more final than your father's.  You can just be sickeningly sweet and keep repeating the facts until you get an answer.