Wedding Etiquette Forum

We have an unsigned card...

Does anyone have any suggestions about how we might be able to find out who gave us this unsigned card with a gift of money included?  We've asked some likely candidates with no success.  If we give up and end up not sending a thank you card to this person, are we really at fault?  How can we send a card if we don't know who to send it to?

Re: We have an unsigned card...

  • Have you made a list of all your wedding gifts? It is easy to deduct from that who may have sent it?
  • We had an excel document with our guest list, and had different sheets for different things.  One sheet was just for wedding gifts, and next to the guests we wrote what gift they gave.  If you can do something like this you may be able to narrow it down.  We only had 2 non gift givers so it would have been easy for us.  But we also had a gift from friends parents that weren't invited, so had they not signed it we would have never been able to guess them.

    I would try narrowing it down that way if you can.  But I'm also thinking that if they gave cash and didn't sign it maybe they wanted it to be anonymous.  I have no idea why they would want that though.
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  • We do have a list, but it's not easy to narrow down.  There were several people who did not give gifts (which I have no problem with), so it makes it difficult to figure out which of those people actually did give a gift.  We even tried matching the handwriting in the card to the handwriting in our guestbook, but no clear matches stuck out.  Like I said, we asked a few likely candidates who were close enough to us that it wouldn't be awkward if we asked them and who would understand that we weren't fishing for a gift.  The remaining people who we don't have gifts recorded for are people like some friends of my parents who I wouldn't feel comfortable asking about it directly.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unsigned-card-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dd1a53f6-d503-4598-a959-2c0ed3273879Post:06d683ee-3414-4e32-b385-6f248f761f7e">Re: We have an unsigned card...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you showed your parents the card? If it is possibly one of their friends' gift, have them take a look and maybe they will recognize the handwriting (since it may be the spouse who signed the guestbook).
    Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]

    <div>Honestly, I'm a little worried about letting on to my parents which people didn't give gifts, because they don't have the same attitude that I do about whether or not gifts at weddings are "mandatory".  I don't want anyone to end up getting confronted about not getting us something.</div>
  • Would you have to tell you're parents who didn't bring gifts?  Maybe you can just ask if they recognize the handwritting.  If they don't, leave it at that.  If your parents inquire further, just let them know that you're having trouble narrowing down who this card may be from.  Even if you have to tell them there were people who didn't bring gifts that doesn't mean you have to tell them who those people were.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think I'd send everyone a "thank you for coming to our wedding; it was wonderful to share our special day with you blah de blah blah" card.  The person who sent a money gift may well be prompted to ask whether you received it, and you can explain the situation then. 
  • What the PP said is the perfect answer!
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