Wedding Guest Challange

srkropf

I've been looking over my rough draft of our wedding guest list and I've hit a problem-- we're looking at 75 people max-- and I'm past that point. My question is about my dad's family and my cousins on that side. I haven't seen any of them in a few years, since our Grammie passed away, and I only have contact, on Facebook, with three of them. Looking at my guest list-- with all of them included, I wonder how many will actually come-- so should I even bother sending an invitation? I don't want to cross friends who live close by and whom I see for family that may or may not come, and I don't want to send invivations out to more than 75 people on the hope that only 75 will come. What should I do?

katiewhompus

I invited a lot of friends over family, but I also hadn't seen that family in 5+ years and had no contact with them, including facebook.
One thing to keep in mind, families talk, and they hold grudges. If you do invite some and not others be prepared for the "Why didn't you invite us? We've been waiting for this day since you were a baby" phone call.

Kristin&eric

Dont invite people that you arent in contact with. Anyways if they ask for some reason say its a small initmate wedding, just dont tell how many people are going to be there. I want my wedding to be close friends and family, but somehow thatnumber is over 200.... i just ave a big family and my mom keeps in contact with a lot of the family members, so they are coming

stellabbella129

It's much easier to tell friends "my family dominated the guest list and I ran out of room" than to tell your family "my friends are closer to me than you".

That being said: you should have who you want to have at your wedding, just be prepared for any rifts those decisions could cause within your family.

lharri12

That's tough.  Is your limit 75 because of the venue's capacity or food costs?  If it is your venue's maximum capacity, I'd choose close friends over family I don't talk to.  If it is because of costs, I would try to cut corners in other places (flowers, favors, etc.) so I could invite my whole family, but that's just me.  My family would be the type to hold grudges forever and talk behind my back, and I'd rather keep the peace.  Again, that's just me, there is no right or wrong answer.

mseale

What about inviting 75 including family, and as you get RSVP's back no, mail out an invitation to a friend?  Make your RSVP response date 4-5 weeks before the wedding so you have time to send out more invites.

Problem is that if family you think will say no says yes, a friend may be left off.

strlzfan11

Are there any friends of your parents that you could cut off that list?

What you could do is split the list in half (or as close to it as you can) and give it to your mom and say "I need to get this list down to such-and-such number" and let her be responsible for what happens after that.  You could also give her the list and say I need to know who is on your "must invite" list, your "would like to invite" list, and "invite if there's room" list.  I suggest you do the same that way the cutting back is equal.

squirrly

If you don't talk to them today, do you think they'll really care if they're not invited?  And, do YOU care? 

I am "related" to a LOT of people.  I consider maybe 20% of them to be my family.  The rest I never see or talk to, don't know how to contact, and probably wouldn't recognize on the street.  I sure didn't try to figure out how to invite them. 

I say, invite the 75 people you're closest to and will try to maintain a relationship with over the course of your lifetime.  If that's all family - so be it.  If it's mostly friends - that's fine too.  And anybody who gets peeved that they didn't make the list is most likely not somebody you're really close with anyway, KWIM?

TNMurray

Friends over family. I want a fun wedding so I am inviting my fun friends. I have a lot of different sectors of my life so I a mgiving each a limit. Like I have family in VA and they are onnly getting 1 table. Same for a family of 3rd cousins. Do the same for your friends. Evaluate the importance of everyone on the list. This is my opinion. 

srkropf

Well so far there arent any of my parents friends on the list-- and we're keeping it small because of food cost and our small budget. I thought about sending some invites out late, but didn't know if that was tacky. The family I'm not in contact with are 1st cousins-- and I don't even know where two of them live, and an uncle who's in Mexico-- maybe, but don't know. I have an email address from my dad, and I'm going to try and get a hold of him

apnk2005

I think the answer really depends on if you want a relationship with the family you're not in contact with.  If you don't care, don't invite them.  If you do, invite them.  There are members of my family who I'm not really in contact with, but I decided it was due to a lack of effort on both sides.  So, I'm inviting them.  They may say no, but oh well.  At least I tried.

I will say, I think it's pretty tacky to invite some people late when you get no RSVPs back.  Invite the number of people you have room for.  I agree with lharri12, see if there's some wiggle room in other parts of your budget to make room for more guests, if you decide you do want to invite these family members.

danieliza1127

I think your 2nd and 3rd choice in the poll is essentially the same and I agree with both of them.