Invite Employees?

princessrandi

I have about 20 employees that report directly to me, one of which is my best friend (prior to getting my position).  Since I've worked with the company 9 years, I have an extensive relationship with some of my employees, even socially, but others not so much.  I'm leaning to inviting all, to keep from hurting feelings or the team dynamic.  I haven't discussed the wedding details with anyone in the office I'm unsure I'd invite... but I'm still not sure if I have to invite the "extras".  I also don't want anyone feeling obligated to come because I am their boss.  Thoughts?

dumdumfroggie

Honestly, in this case, I think since they are all your direct reports, you would have to invite all of them.  I think the chances of being accused of favoritism would be pretty high if you were to only invite some and then the others found out.

laurenclaire1386

You're doing the right thing by not discussing it at work. If it were me, I'd probably only invite the ones I'm close to, then ask them to please keep it quiet at work because not everyone is invited. You're not obligated to explain to anyone why you chose the guests on your guestlist, but I understand not wanting to ruffle feathers. 

aragx6

Generally speaking people suggest it's fine to invite only those with whom you socialize outside of work, but I do think that them being in your direct employ changes my opinion a bit. You certainly don't any ill will or calls of favoritism. If you can swing it, I'd try to invite them all. Then again, your point about not wanting them to feel an obligation to come (or moreso to bring a gift) is a valid one. I'm torn ...

laurenclaire1386

Well, looks like I'm in the minority here. I think any employee who can't properly assess whether or not he's close enough to his superior to warrant a wedding invitation, then brings that up in a case for favoritism, is probably really stupid anyway. 

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-employees-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb57bbf-13cf-47c2-9025-dffc1ebaca94Post:d55e2844-818f-479b-b344-932d0fde23a8">Re: Invite Employees?</a>:
[QUOTE]You're doing the right thing by not discussing it at work. If it were me, I'd probably only invite the ones I'm close to, then ask them to please keep it quiet at work because not everyone is invited. You're not obligated to explain to anyone why you chose the guests on your guestlist, but I understand not wanting to ruffle feathers. 
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
THis all the way. Also, if they are all your direct reports, they may feel pressured to come to the wedding (even if they have no interest in it) or buy you a gift just to keep up with the rest of the coworkers. That is not fair to them. I invited none of my direct reports to my wedding... no one I work with at all in fact. 

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-employees-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb57bbf-13cf-47c2-9025-dffc1ebaca94Post:aeb57ce8-ae57-448e-b3cb-4ae880905d57">Re: Invite Employees?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, looks like I'm in the minority here.<strong> I think any employee who can't properly assess whether or not he's close enough to his superior to warrant a wedding invitation, then brings that up in a case for favoritism, is probably really stupid anyway. 
</strong>Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Completely agree!  However, there are those people, unfortunately.  If they were "normal" coworkers, ie not direct reports, you would be fine only inviting some, I'd just be careful here.  You don't want any HR-type repercussions.

July2012bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-employees-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb57bbf-13cf-47c2-9025-dffc1ebaca94Post:3274be79-67be-4dc7-8c9c-7d3941dc8047">Re: Invite Employees?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite Employees? : Completely agree!  However, there are those people, unfortunately.  If they were "normal" coworkers, ie not direct reports, you would be fine only inviting some, I'd just be careful here.  You don't want any HR-type repercussions.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]
I agree with this, maybe you could talk to HR too.

SarahPLiz

Who you socialize with outside of work is your business, no one else's. If having your BFF as a direct report now is no problem for HR or the other employees, then I don't see how inviting the people you socialize with to your wedding and no one else is going to be an issue. 

pkontk

I agree 100% with StageManager.  Also, if this person is your bff, she isn't going to go blabbing to everyone else that she was invited.

AbbeyS2011

<strong>In</strong> Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-employees-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb57bbf-13cf-47c2-9025-dffc1ebaca94Post:a9ffa9d8-67f0-4663-85cf-dd3f93b1d9e4">Re: Invite Employees?</a>:
[QUOTE]I only invited the people I interacted with socially outside of the office when we got married. That didn't include any of the people I directly managed at that time. It ended up being people on my same management level and those above me.  I also kept the wedding chat at work to a minumum.<strong> If you decide to invite all 20 employees, realize that could increase your guest list by 40 people if they are all in relationships.
</strong>Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Very valid point.  If your guest list/budget is already at or near max, 40 more guests could send it over the cliff.  The HR points are valid also.

I suggest you invite the best friend, whom I am guessing you socialize with outside of work also, and ask her to keep it private.

kimandjosh22

I would say you need to tread carefully here, there are definite HR issues, as mentioned above. My parents were recently invited to my dads boss's son's wedding, and the rehearsal dinner and farewell brunch...basically the whole weekend. It's 2 hours away from where they live, so hotel stay is involved. Because it is his boss they feel obligated to go and it's causing them to have to spend a lot of money. My mom needs 3 dresses for the three events, two nights in a hotel, and greens fees for the golf putting the morning of the wedding. My mother has said several times that if it were not my dads boss they would only be going to the wedding.