Do teenage guests 'in relationships' get a plus one?

harpsdesire

I have quite a large number of highschool and college-age cousins who I am planning to invite to my wedding, and most of them have a boyfriend or girlfriend at any given time.  I have not met the gfs/bfs for the most part, and many of them have not been together long and/or are in on-again-off-again situations.

Should I be inviting all these dates to my wedding by name, even knowing that they may not be together by the time the wedding happens?  (Yes, I can just wait until as close as possible to send invites, but I have a limited budget and venue size, and including all the +1's would mean cutting other friends from the guest list so it would be nice to be able to plan accordingly.)

At what age would someone to expect to bring their 'SO' to a wedding?  If you're coming in mom and dad's car because you aren't old enough to drive, you probably don't expect to bring a date, right?  Can I set an age cut off, maybe inviting the college gfs/bfs but not the highschoolers?  I don't really want an additional 8 teenager strangers at the wedding anyhow, to be honest, but I'm not going to be rude to my cousins over it.

annakb8

I think allowing dates for the college aged kids and not the high school aged kids sounds OK. Unless your cousin Mary is a 19 year old freshman and gets to bring her bf while her 17 year old sister Margaret who is a senior in high school does not. That could get sticky. So I guess it depends on how it would all work out in your family. 

MissAva387

For my wedding, I chose to make it any guest 21 years old or older can have a +1 .. it seemed to make things a bit easier when it came to invites.

Good Luck

LP11509

I think it's ok to only give those who are over 18 a plus one, because they would get their own invitation anyway.  Anyone under 18 would be included with their parents invitation, so they're invited as part of the family unit rather than on their own.  Does that make sense?

mbody

My FI and I decided that anyone in high school would not get a +1. It's an easy enough cutoff for us though. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't invite teens with a +1 if it meant cutting off some of my own friends from the wedding.

tenofcups4me

I wouldn't invite anyone in high school with a date, regardless of how long they've been in a relationship. I probably also wouldn't invite anyone in college (if they're going to college during "traditoinal" college years) with a data unless they were in a serious relationship where the boyfriend/girlfriend has been to family events before.

Maggie0829

I think you should just make the cutoff point age 18 and up can bring a guest...anyone younger, no.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teenage-guests-relationships-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df2b60d9-98a5-446c-aed3-c0400ce25b81Post:77a180c8-5b52-4f1b-8c1b-0e8ce854f2da">Re: Do teenage guests 'in relationships' get a plus one?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't invite anyone in high school with a date, regardless of how long they've been in a relationship. <strong>I probably also wouldn't invite anyone in college (if they're going to college during "traditoinal" college years) with a data unless they were in a serious relationship where the boyfriend/girlfriend has been to family events before.</strong>
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think going to family events is necessarily an indicator of seriousness, though.  There are lots of reasons why someone may not have been to family events before, especially if their families are from different states, etc.  The first "family event" I attended with H's family wasn't until we'd been dating for almost a year and a half, and I considered us to be "serious" after dating for maybe 3 months? </div>

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teenage-guests-relationships-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:df2b60d9-98a5-446c-aed3-c0400ce25b81Post:79e10c9a-d91d-4de0-a552-65c40263151c">Re: Do teenage guests 'in relationships' get a plus one?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do teenage guests 'in relationships' get a plus one? : This is why I think it depends on the relationship.  My H and I have been dating since high school so it would bother me if he wasn't invited. But generally, I think the "been to previous family events" is a really good rule of thumb.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I don't think I would have attended a wedding if I had been a senior in college and been living with my then-SO for two years, but everyone in my family had known him for a long time.

As far as high schoolers, particularly if it means excluding some of your friends, I wouldn't invite them with dates.

Megbo2012

I think not inviting an adult's SO is pretty crappy.  I agree with the under 18 rule.  But I don't understand how a 20 year old's relationship is less valid/important than a 30 year old's relationship.  And if you would invite a 30 year old's SO without having met them, then why not the 20 year old? There can be a lot of gray area with this. 

Kate61487

ditto LP.  College age/over 18 get their own invite and thus their bf/gf gets invited.  Highschool/under 18 are on their parents' invitation so no date.

harpsdesire

Thanks, this gives me some good things to think about.

achiduck

I think what you have planned is fine. We are only allowing one of FI's teenage cousins to bring her BF since they've been together for 2 plus years. But also because he's actually from Mexico but studying here and her parents are his sponsor while he's in school. It would just be weird to invite the entire family but no thim

dramaqueen91087

While I wouldn't want you to have to exclude your friends you should try to take relationships into account. I started dating my FI at 16 and we were pretty serious right away. He's been attending all family events for a long time now, even when we were in high school and college. So while I don't think they all need a +1 it would be nice to include any SO who has been around a long time and been to other events.

pgcp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_teenage-guests-relationships-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df2b60d9-98a5-446c-aed3-c0400ce25b81Post:85cddde6-6250-4fc6-8fa1-4a33bb50a752">Re: Do teenage guests 'in relationships' get a plus one?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I wouldn't want you to have to exclude your friends you should try to take relationships into account. I started dating my FI at 16 and we were pretty serious right away. He's been attending all family events for a long time now, even when we were in high school and college. So while I don't think they all need a +1 it would be nice to include any SO who has been around a long time and been to other events.
Posted by dramaqueen91087[/QUOTE]
ITA.  My daughter and her fiance started dating their freshman year of high school.  His cousin got married when they were 17, and she was invited.  At that point she was as much a part of his family as he was a part of ours.

rebarobert2012

If they are 18 or older, they should receive their own invitation and if they have a significant other, he/she should be invited.  It's a nice gesture to invite a +1 for younger guests, but if it's not in your budget and you would have to cut other friends from the guest list in order to do so, then I think setting a cut off is fine.

jemmini6

I think 18+ is a good rule of thumb, but you can also consider certain relationships.  If there's an 18yo with a BF of 2 months that's invited, I think it'd be kind of crappy to exclude the 17yo with a BF of 3 years.

lenergyrlah

I would invite families, couples, and singles get a +1.  If a "single" is included with a family (i.e. teenagers) I don't think they need a +1.  I'm making an exception for my teenage sisters who are in my bridal party even though they're all single.  I feel like since they're doing so much work for me (getting ready, manning the guest book, etc.) they should at least be able to bring a friend to hang out with.

I wouldn't be offended if my cousin invited "parents, lenergy, and siblings."  I would be offended if she invited "lenergy without FI."

Grits8812

I think I would do anyone 18+.  Or 21+ if you are more comfortable with that.  But not every 16 year old who has a boyfriend needs to have them there, that could get crazy.

Bonzo2011

Like others have said, i would make 18 the cut off. There are some high school relationships where the GF/bf does become like family, and if ou feel that way towards the SO I would invite them too. But, especially if these families are traveling and you don't have a relationship with the teenager, I think it's better to make a blanket cut off at 18 and have room for your own friends.