Today's Dear Abby: OMG my BM got a visible tattoo!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20100824/lf_ucda/bridefearsbridesmaidaddstoomuchcolortowedding

Enjoy.

(I especially like the comments, where people are suggesting she have the girl cover it with makeup.)

akhensley81

I'm the bride, and I have a visible tattoo. So there.

I do like Abby's answer though. Basically "stop whining and find a way to deal with it." Hehe.

Julz629

If your "little sister" cared as much about your feelings as you seem to about hers, she would have postponed getting the tattoo as you requested.

Um, seriously?  That's her advice???  I don't think the bride cares about the bridesmaid's feelings.  She just cares about her pictures being ruined!

If you're worried about the pictures, pose "Sis" so her "canvas" can't be seen by the camera.

And this too?  Abby gives bad advice.

Julz629

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_todays-dear-abby-omg-bm-got-visible-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfd82d78-0f70-4097-8478-4e80cbe706f0Post:cc3b953e-4473-4eb8-a265-d583caf35782">Re: Today's Dear Abby: OMG my BM got a visible tattoo!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm the bride, and I have a visible tattoo. So there. I do like Abby's answer though. Basically "stop whining and find a way to deal with it." Hehe.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

I agree that her overall advice about the wedding being about more than the procession and album was good.  But I thought those other pieces she threw in were ridiculous.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_todays-dear-abby-omg-bm-got-visible-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfd82d78-0f70-4097-8478-4e80cbe706f0Post:3dc5aec3-ddb8-4691-ba0e-b9e95f1693c7">Re: Today's Dear Abby: OMG my BM got a visible tattoo!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Today's Dear Abby: OMG my BM got a visible tattoo! : I agree that her overall advice about the wedding being about more than the procession and album was good.  But I thought those other pieces she threw in were ridiculous.
Posted by jholbel[/QUOTE]

I'll rescind my original statement and just agree with this. :)

Good advice, poorly delivered?

But REALLY - the fact that this girl thinks that her wedding day will be ruined by her friend's tattoo is redic.

georgia_bride09

Prudy would have put the bride in her place. She should've written to her instead.

I'm kind of surprised by Abby's answer. Normally she's more level-headed than that.

kpwedkk

Abby must have been laughing so hard... that's why there's some ridiculousness in there... but still.  The bride can't dictate her MOH or BM's lifestyle choice in tattoos, whether visible or not, or hair color/hair style mohawk...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I agree about Abby's answer. Not cool at all. Pashminas might be fine, but I'm also NOT okay with asking her to cover it with makeup or photoshopping it out of pictures.

In order, here are the advice columnists who give the best advice, according to me:

Miss Manners
Prudie
Abby
Ask Amy (her answers usually come down to "of course children should be invited everywhere!" and "you should look into counseling.")

Birdie1483

The bride was from Louisville? Boo

glam70s

Yikes.. no way should that girl have put off her tattoo for the sake of a friend's wedding. No way should she be friends with someone who would even think to ask that of her. Geez, it would make me want to do something obscene to intentionally ruin this woman's perfect photos, since my tattoos and I would be ruining them anyway - but maybe I'm just spiteful like that. At any rate I would refuse to take part in the wedding, since that seems to be the bride's preference anyway. Ach, people are idiots - ruin a friendship over a tattoo, seriously?

Birdie1483

And I'll add that I love my MOH and BM's for exactly the way they come. There's no way I'd make one of them cover something up that obviously meant enough to them to get it permanently put on their body.

I don't mean to sound all high and mighty, but come on. Photoshopping the arm out (suggested by one person at that site)? What's next, photoshopping your friend because she's too fat for your liking or not pretty enough? Hey ugly friend, you go stand on the end, the farthest from the bride, so you don't ruin the pictures. Got nasty teeth, why, we'll just photoshop some nice pearly whites over your face!

Sorry I"m having a bad day at work. People are getting on my nerves.

L-Bride

I read Dear Abby pretty much everyday and I cannot stand her advice. BUT I know I'm the minority when I say this. Depending on how long an engagement is, I think that if the BM is aware that the bride really dislikes tattoos she can wait. I'm personally fine with tattoos but I can see someone who isn't, really not appreciating her BM to get a sleeve of tattoos right before the wedding. If the engagement is 6 months away then the BM shouldn't have to wait. I just think it's courteous to not get sleeves of tattoos right before you're in a wedding if you know the bride doesn't like them.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

L, someone made the point that she could have been on a waitlist before the girl even got engaged. Some high quality artists have wait lists of a year or more. She could also have her own reasons for wanting it sooner rather than later that trump a wedding.

I mean, I get what you're saying. My BFF wants to dye her hair pink or turquoise, but voluntarily told me she'll wait until after my wedding (and then she's in another wedding 2 weeks later). But that's who she is, so if she showed up with green hair and a nose ring to my wedding, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

Plus, how is it different than saying you want a BM to lose 10 pounds, or get braces, or get highlights?

L-Bride

Yeah, maybe she was waitlisted. I'm actually not sure how it's different to ask someone to lose some lbs or get highlights etc. It just feels different to me...maybe because hair, weight, and braces are more common everyday appearance type things. A sleeve of tattoos is just different IMO.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_todays-dear-abby-omg-bm-got-visible-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfd82d78-0f70-4097-8478-4e80cbe706f0Post:b33a05b8-892c-4ba9-b42a-dac6d34d1c2c">Re: Today's Dear Abby: OMG my BM got a visible tattoo!</a>:
[QUOTE]Plus, how is it different than saying you want a BM to lose 10 pounds, or get braces, or get highlights?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Ugh. 

My birth mom (I love her to pieces, but OMG sometimes...) is concerned because two of my three bridesmaids are "fat."  Apparently, I need thinner friends so I can have pretty pictures. 

PirateintheSky

I have plenty of tattoos.  One smack dab in the middle of my chest running down between by boobs.  I plan to show case it with my dress. Also, any of my bridesmaids are welcome to display theirs.

HOWEVER, I offered to cover them for my friend's wedding.  She had chosen halter dresses for the bridesmaid dresses and I didn't want people looking at her pictures of her day and really looking at me because of the tattoo on my chest.  That isn't fair.  She loves me, and she loves my tattoos, but there is no reason I should feel the need to steal her thunder on her day. I didn't cover any of the ones that weren't obvious, like the one on my wrist or *foot*. I love my friend enough to give her the wedding she deserves.

CandyGirlSparks

Seems I'm in the minority here, but I really don't see why she couldn't have it photoshopped out if she wants...what's the harm, really? It's an arm with a tattoo...it's not like she would be made to look thinner, have smaller boobs, or really be truly altered in appearance. Besides...if the bride is paying for the pics, I think that really gives her the right to do whatever she wants to them.

As far as whether the bridesmaid should have waited after she was asked, I'm torn on that one. On one hand, if she was going to go ahead with it, she should have at least TOLD the bride she was going ahead with it and why. On the other hand, that big a tattoo had to have been expensive, and maybe she had to get it while she had the money.

I think at the very LEAST she should have told the bride she was going ahead. Saying she would wait, or implying it, and then doing it without saying anything is just plain disrespectful, and I don't see how anyone can disagree with that.

Glad I don't have to deal with this sort of thing...my BMs are my teenaged daughter and step-daughter.

banana468

I think the largest issue is the notion that the BM would be asked to clear anything regarding her daily appearance with the bride in the first place.

Miss_Sophia

Hmmm... I feel torn about this too. My MOH has a couple tattoos but they won't be seen in the dress so I guess I feel indifferent about my wedding pics. My Matron of Honor however, her wedding last fall was at a Catholic church and 4 weeks before her wedding another BM decided (on a drunken evening) to get a tattoo. It wasn't what I would call distastful by any means (7 inch black cross with a yellow ribbon with some words that I honestly can't remember) but the priest was really upset and told Megan the night of the rehearsal that for the ceremony it had to be covered up. So the morning of we were hunting down makeup that would hide the tat.

So it may not always be the bride but the officiant who has an issue with certain body art.

banana468

Miss Sophia, the issue though is that in this column, it ISN'T the officiant with the issue.

I'll buy that if you're having a wedding in a church then the priest gets to say, "This isn't OK here," but it's not even close to saying, "But my pictures will be ruined!"