Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inivitations and plus ones

My fiance and I decided when inviting guests, to only allow "plus ones" for family or friends that 1- live together, 2- are married, or 3- are dating.  Now I have family members telling me I am rude! and inconsiderate! and that my guests are the ones paying for MY WEDDING! so they should be allowed to bring guests if they want.  Hello? NO!!!!!!  And it's my family, It's not like they won't know anyone else there.  I can see brining a guest to a wedding where the amount of people you know attending is small.  However, if you don't even have a plus one that exsists, and it's all family, how can you justify running your mouth?  How should I respond to these family members.  They have me in tears and it is supposed to be happy! I'm getting married! HELP!

Re: Inivitations and plus ones

  • This should be interesting...
  • You are rude
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:242b572d-b40a-4fb8-aec3-c8455cc91cac">Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I decided when inviting guests, to only allow "plus ones" for family or friends that 1- live together, 2- are married, or <strong>3- have been together for at least six months. </strong> Now I have family members telling me I am rude! and inconsiderate! and that my guests are the ones paying for MY WEDDING! so they should be allowed to bring guests if they want.  Hello? NO!!!!!!  And it's my family, It's not like they won't know anyone else there.  I can see brining a guest to a wedding where the amount of people you know attending is small.  However, if you don't even have a plus one that exsists, and it's all family, how can you justify running your mouth?  How should I respond to these family members.  They have me in tears and it is supposed to be happy! I'm getting married! HELP!
    Posted by rl&jk[/QUOTE]<div>
    It's not polite to make judgements on other people's relationships based on time. Lots of people get very serious/are engaged/get married within 6 months. </div><div>
    </div><div>It's not cool to have you in tears by any means, but they're technically right. You shouldn't put random timestamps on how legitimate your guest's +1 is.

    </div>
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited February 2012

    Extend the 6+ months to ANYONE who considers themselves in a relationship and you're good.  Truly single people don't need a +1.

    It is rude to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship by the length of time they are dating, so your family is correct.  Your current lines are rude.  You can avoid this.

    Oh, and +1's are for single people, if you give them.  Social units are always invited by name.  Both people. 

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  • I see your thought process, but it's not great. When you set hard and fast "rules" for what makes a relationship serious, you run the risk of appearing to judge others' relationships. Truly single guests do not need to be invited with a guest, but if someone has a person they consider their significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend, they need to be invited together because they are a social unit.

    Lizzie
  • You should respond to these family members by thanking them for pointing out your rudeness before you made an ass of yourself.  Then revise your guest list and invite everyone with a SO by name, it's not a "plus one" it's a person.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:1bdf6098-b477-40b4-9e3e-adbce23b57ab">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]This should be interesting...
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.

    OP it is rude and inconsiderate to invite one person and not their SO simply because they don't meet your standard of 'seriousness.'  I would be very offended if I were invited and my FI weren't, even at the start of our relationship.

    Invite plus ones... if you can't accomodate that then slim down the guest list.
  • I only gave +1's to guests who had been to second base with each other. It was MY wedding damnit!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:e1b5cc02-5931-4410-af70-18845a3b3b91">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]I only gave +1's to guests who had been to second base with each other. It was MY wedding damnit!
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    <div>Did you make them prove it by going to second base in front of you?  I'd be worried that people would lie to get an invite.</div>
  • Yep there were auditions. Kind of like a spin off of America's Got Talent.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:8a839539-b97c-4666-af32-0d04f87e30de">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep there were auditions. Kind of like a spin off of America's Got Talent.
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    I really like you without your orange bar :P
    Lizzie
  • I only invited couples who haven't slept together.  Because I'm a judgy biitch like that. 
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  • The family memebrs that are upset do not have SO's or even a person in mind to bring.  And quite frankly are upset they aren't in the bridal party.  At this point I think it's just anything to bring me down
  • I don't get it when people are upset not to be in the bridal party.

    Not being in the bridal party is awesome.
  • Agreed, MUN1.  I mean, I love some parts of being a BM, but there's something to be said about coming to a wedding and just getting to eat, dance, and enjoy.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:8a839539-b97c-4666-af32-0d04f87e30de">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep there were auditions. Kind of like a spin off of America's Got Talent.
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    <div>I love this idea.  I wish I had more non-marrieds to invite so I could make them gropple each other for my amusement to earn their +1.  As it stands the only unmarried people are my sister and FI's dad so that would be awkward.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:498368bf-4bff-4558-aa02-76a31f5f4f85">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]The family memebrs that are upset do not have SO's or even a person in mind to bring.  And quite frankly are upset they aren't in the bridal party.  At this point I think it's just anything to bring me down
    Posted by rl&jk[/QUOTE]
    I assure you - this isn't all about you. Lots of people just expect a +1 at things. They're loony tunes, but what can ya do? Explain that if they are dating someone when invitations go out, they'll get a +1 <em>for that person - </em>if they break up with that person in the 6 weeks between invitations/wedding then that's their fault. But invite the SO - don't just say "and guest" say "Jane Doe and John Smith" on the invite. 
  • If I'm at a wedding, I want to be in the BP. But I like buying dresses and being a part of stuff. I WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT.
  • If they're really giving you a hard time because they didn't get a plus one and are TRULY single (as in, you know without a doubt they aren't in any form of a relationship), then just let it slide.  This isn't worth getting upset over.  Try to let it go. I know it's hard, but let it ride.

    Not being in the WP can be seen as a slight to some people if they're in your family.  If my mom had her way, my 55 year old aunts would be bridesmaids in my wedding, and my cousins would be my maids of honor.  No one was offended that they weren't asked except my mom who made up her dream scenario and was crushed when it didn't come true.  She had to get over it.  Your wedding party is your choice.  Ignore them and let it go.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inivitations-and-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dff9d59c-3e4f-45b9-b1e5-d7aea5ccb00fPost:498368bf-4bff-4558-aa02-76a31f5f4f85">Re: Inivitations and plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]The family memebrs that are upset do not have SO's or even a person in mind to bring.  And quite frankly are upset they aren't in the bridal party.  At this point I think it's just anything to bring me down
    Posted by rl&jk[/QUOTE]

    Oh well in that case, this is silly. Mad they aren't in the BP?? Clearly you made a good choice by not having them in it if this is how they behave.

    You aren't required to include a +1 on their invite if they are truly single. They'll probably have more fun without a date anyways!
  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2012
    OP changed her post so now I'm confused. Was her original problem that she wanted us to validate her rudness? Or are her guests in fact being whiny biitches who wanted to be BMs and/or bring random people as +1s?
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  • There are a lot of rude people here. The question was about whether or not people who are even IN a relationship should have one. If what we are doing is, generally, if, in our group of friends, you still aren't dating anyone 6 months out, your invitation will probably not say plus one. However, we are aware that exceptions can be made as are friends. You do seem a little too frustrated about some other things, but you are not an ASS - at least we can't really judge that from one posting. My fiance doesn't understand why whenever he looks at these community wedding forums for general etiquette stuff people are SO RUDE. I guess I don't get it either. 

    It does seem that OP is a little too upset, but we are not in the situation. 

    So if they don't have one, I'd feel it out. If they do, naturally they should be invited. 

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