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Wedding Etiquette Forum
HELP: No mail invite, but RSVP on website? Am I a guest? lol
Ok so a former co-worker, let's call her "G" and I are friends on facebook.. I mean we worked at this lil boutique for a like 5 months back in 2008-2009 and we talked like work friends do, but outside of work we just talked and didn't actually hang out. But she's cool you know? ...like, I would really like to go to her wedding, plus I mean, it's a wedding and I love weddings! Ha!
Anyways, she keeps posting on fb telling everyone to RSVP on her wedding website. It's going to be a causual country wedding from the looks of it 
and well I didn't receive a mail invitation so I don't know what to do. How do I find out, politely, if the wedding website is her only form of invites/RSVP? I don't want to overstep my bounds, cuz technically we're not friends-friends you know? But still want to go, lol. So I don't want to message G and ask her if she's sent out invites too... I mean, how akward. Ay, and her wedding is just over a month away!!
and well I didn't receive a mail invitation so I don't know what to do. How do I find out, politely, if the wedding website is her only form of invites/RSVP? I don't want to overstep my bounds, cuz technically we're not friends-friends you know? But still want to go, lol. So I don't want to message G and ask her if she's sent out invites too... I mean, how akward. Ay, and her wedding is just over a month away!! Any help, advice would be appreciated!
Oh, and her RSVP on her website is in the form of a guestbook 
I got a wedding invite from another friend (we'll call her "F") yesterday and it says to RSVP on her wedding website also, but it asks me for my name and looks my name up in a search. Then it asks for my email, my response and if I wanted "veg" or "chicken." After I responded it said it would forward my response to F and her future husband, and their wedding is a few months away.
I've been questioning if I should just RSVP to G's wedding and see what happens (but how akward for her to, un-invite, or just not say anything to avoid confrontation). But then I saw F's wedding website and the RSVP is different.
So confused... help!!! 
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Re: HELP: No mail invite, but RSVP on website? Am I a guest? lol
So I'm guessing you aren't invited.
Personally, if I didn't receive an invitation, that means I'm not invited. So, I would assume that you aren't invited and she's rude enough to talk about a party in front of people who aren't invited. I'd probably let the friendship fall by the wayside and move on.
[QUOTE]I agree with Midge. FB + weddings = clusterfuck.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Yes!
[QUOTE]I agree with Midge. FB + weddings = clusterfuck.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
ITA. <div>I doubt you were supposed to be invited. </div>
Yea, that's what I was thinking too Midge, Rebecca and everyone else. Just wasn't making sense.
[QUOTE]So, you are casual work-friends and you too are planning a wedding -- and boutiques tend to be artsy places that hire workers with artistic flair. Ask her if you can see her invitation, to get some ideas for your own when the time comes. If she doesn't have a hard-copy invitation, she'll tell you. And if she does, she'll appreciate that you admire her artistic sense and enjoy having a chance to show off her invitations to an outside observer.
Posted by AroundTheBlock[/QUOTE]
<div>Good idea :) thanks!</div>
[QUOTE]I would RSVP yes just to show her what a bad idea it is to post this crap on FB. And then I would share it to all of my friends.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]
<div>LOL hahahahaha!!! Love it!! :)</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP: No mail invite, but RSVP on website? Am I a guest? lol : LOL hahahahaha!!! Love it!! :)
Posted by JoyfulBride2012[/QUOTE]
<div>Obviously I'm joking....sort of.</div><div>
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[QUOTE]Okay I'm not advocating the use of FB for wedding planning. I don't post anything beyond milestones (4 months to go etc) and I have no details posted. If someone absolutely must use FB for their weddings don't they know there is FB messaging. You (general) can address only the people it applies to so the whole world doesn't see that there are only 4 days til the RSVP deadline and the hotel block is almost full.
Posted by CFM102012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, but even then there are faux pas. I got invited to a bridal shower for a girl I knew in HS but wasn't particularly close to. Never received a wedding invitation. Then I got included in a Facebook event "online RSVP" for the wedding that had no specific details on the location of the wedding. So I don't know if I was SUPPOSED to have been formally invited via paper invitation that HAD details but never received it, or if I was included in the event by mistake. So I declined and sent a very inexpensive gift, like a spatula set, or something.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP: No mail invite, but RSVP on website? Am I a guest? lol : Yeah, but even then there are faux pas. I got invited to a bridal shower for a girl I knew in HS but wasn't particularly close to. Never received a wedding invitation. Then I got included in a Facebook event "online RSVP" for the wedding that had no specific details on the location of the wedding. So I don't know if I was SUPPOSED to have been formally invited via paper invitation that HAD details but never received it, or if I was included in the event by mistake. So I declined and sent a very inexpensive gift, like a spatula set, or something.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]<div>This is true. Moral of the story is don't post wedding stuff on FB or use it for invitation follow up.
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[QUOTE]And this is one reason why we tell people not to talk about their wedding on Facebook. Personally, if I didn't receive an invitation, that means I'm not invited. So, I would assume that you aren't invited and she's rude enough to talk about a party in front of people who aren't invited. I'd probably let the friendship fall by the wayside and move on.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>I agree that no invite means not invited. And I also agree with not talking about the wedding on Facbook. I mean, I think it is fine to say things like "got the dress looks great" in a status message, as people who are not close know you are getting married just from the status updates such as "engaged". I think as long as it stays away from specifics, it is fine. People post that their daughter's b-day party was great without making all people feel they should have been invited. But details that imply invited should be, at the very least, restricted to the invited. I have used Facebook to track down addresses and SO's, but NOT on a wall post, in a PM.</div>
[QUOTE]Um, G, I'm certain, sent out paper invitations, and is just being incredibly rude by publicly begging people on FB to RSVP. (Granted, I suppose she could have handled it better by creating a Friend list made up of guests who'd received a paper invitation, if there is a better way to involve Facebook in wedding planning.) I say this because my friend T did the same thing, from asking the entirety of Facebook to RSVP to posting her hotel block info to *asking everyone to donate to her and her new husband's honeymoon fund.* Do not RSVP. You weren't invited if you didn't receive a direct invitation.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Wow just wow. In desperation, I did pester about 10 people through Facebook when we were not able to track down the addresses in other places. But through a PM...and not even one that was to more than one person, but a direct PM. We have also had people ask to see the wedding website. For those who are invited, we have sent them a private response with the information. Luckily, we have not had anyone who was not invited ask for the website.</div>