Wedding Website/ Honeymoon registry Etiquette

WildMagelet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-website-honeymoon-registry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0fb2349-f983-43fc-aa8a-fb39f2e1a825Post:2772224f-c965-4b60-ad6f-2957f5240897">Re: Wedding Website/ Honeymoon registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I would feel much better about getting someone a dinner on their honeymoon rather than a pot. Posted by Negazilla[/QUOTE]

My first thought was back to the proverb "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" lol.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-website-honeymoon-registry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0fb2349-f983-43fc-aa8a-fb39f2e1a825Post:2772224f-c965-4b60-ad6f-2957f5240897">Re: Wedding Website/ Honeymoon registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you found a honey moon registry that doesn't charge a fee than it's perfectly acceptable to have one.  Have another registry too for household items to make everyone comfortable and you're good.  I've never seen why so many people consider them so rude.   "The company takes a cut of the money!"  Haven't you ever heard of sales tax?  Uncle Sam takes a cut of your money.  "It's like you're asking for cash!"  The activity you're purchasing for the couple is RIGHT THERE.  <strong>Just because they get a check for the money doesn't mean they're not going to use it for it's intended use.  And even if they did, it's a gift.  Once you give it it's not your place to say how it's spent.  They aren't forcing their guests to get them something off of the honey moon registry.  It's not like you have your hand out, you saw something you wanted and suggested it as a gift.</strong> <strong> I would feel much better about getting someone a dinner on their honeymoon rather than a pot.</strong>  And if they never used the money for that I'd still feel better that they got to spend it on something they needed. Bottom line, if you have a traditional registry as well as a non-traditional one I don't see a problem.
Posted by Negazilla[/QUOTE]

Giving them cash suits the purpose just fine & it is not as tacky. I ALWAYS give cash for a wedding for a couple to do with as they see fit.  I have never ever come across this in any wedding i have been too but i would NOT get them anything if they asked me to help pay for their hm.

I am paying for my own hm as well as my own wedding plus own my own home that we pay for as well especially being a dw that i had to shell out thousands to attend. There are certain responsibilities that come with being an adult & living on your own, you act like a grown up.

No registry usually means a couple does not want gifts, if you are  having a shower i would have a small registry with gifts you would actually use. If someone sent me a hm registry link for a dw i would not attend the shower either.

Snippylynn

She shouldn't be having a shower at all if there won't be any registry. Kind of defeats the purpose.

annakrensky

We used a honeymoon registry (depositagift.com - loved it!!) and we included a note on our invitations ("Please see our wedding website for all our wedding info..."). Depositagift was great because it gives you a whole wedding website, so when people go to the link, they would see a welcome note from us, some background on us as a couple, event details, and travel info. Then there's also a link to our registry there. It's not like you're saying "go here for our registry." You're just sending them to your wedding website that happens to include this registry. It worked really well for us -- nobody had any etiquette complaints and our guests really loved the website and registry. It made it so easy for our friends to know what was going on with our wedding plans and super easy to give a gift that made our honeymoon amazing. 

happyb3

The thing about etiquette is that it has to change with the times or you risk being seen as one of those old biddies that seem to be relics of the last century. Seriously, I don't think there is anything wrong with a HMR. People are getting married later and later in life and often are paying for their own wedding. If anything I would prefer to give a couple an experience and good memories than material goods. How much you want to bet that after a few years this supposedly "bad etiquette" is only considered so by people who can't get with the times? How many other pieces of etiquette that was proper back in the 50s are now out of date?

I would find it unfortunate that people would go to a wedding and not bring a gift. That to me is just plain rude given the rising costs of weddings in this day and age.   

happyb3

Incidentally, isn't a registry for material household goods the same thing? Either way the guest has to shell out cash to buy the gift.  It seems to me like it's splitting hairs becuase no matter what in some form or other you are asking that the guests shell out cash.  The idea of a registry in general is to give guests guidance as to what to give a couple so I find it strange that people would distinguish between a registry for household items versus a registry for a HM items.

Also, it seems the people who are against the HMR presume that the couple cannot afford the HM and is asking guests to pay for it. I think that's a big presumption. I've attended several weddings where the couple did a HMR and these folks can definitely afford their HM. It's just a matter of them providing some guidance of what they would enjoy. I just find it strange that people get so bent out of shape about HMRs when the same things can be said about any registry.  

TabithaD51411

Me and My FI actually did a HMR and everyone thought it was the coolest idea ever! No one wanted to give the boring old towels and dishes

In the end, your honeymoon will be extremely memorable and your guest will be happy that you enjoyed their gifts instead of hiding them in cabinets.

Take pictures of your adventures so your guests can see how much fun you had!!

Knottie30063927

Honestly, I'm wondering where some of these etiquette rules come form. The Emily Post (etiquette master) wedding etiquette website even says it is acceptable to have a Honeymoon registry (see Alternate Registries at the bottom of this post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/520-tamingtheweddingregistry). I trust Emily Post over TK forums.

I've been to multiple weddings where people have had Honeymoon registries (in addition to traditional registries). Some people purchased traditional gifts, others contributed to the honeymoon, some people gave cash... and NO ONE I have spoken with - guests, family, etc. - were actually upset or offended by a Honeymoon registry. No one is forcing anyone to contribute; no one is forcing anyone to buy a gift AT ALL, so what's so bad as having that as one of your registries? Again, Emily Post says it's ok.

manateehugger

@allegrapdx this thread is two and a half years old!!!! Please find a new thread to post on.

And if you did your etiquette research, you'd realize that new Emily Post stuff is not considered to be proper etiquette anymore. Miss Manners is a much better source.

But hey, if you want to be so tacky as to decieve your guests while begging cash from them, go for it.

misshart00

Did you read the replies at all?! People talked about how the Emily post institute is not good for etiquette advice. Also, why did you drag up a 2 year old thread?

manateehugger

@KnotPorscha please use this thread as motivation to reinstate mods QUICKLY.

misshart00

Also, all these people that are thrilled with giving to a honeymoon registry typically don't know how they work.