What name to use?

slshaffer

Forgive me if this has already been asked, I looked back about 10 pages and didn't come across anything like it.

I'm getting married for the second time. My last name is still my ex's name, has been for 12 years now. Should My invitations/announcements have my maiden name on them or my current legal name on them. I kinda feel like I want to leave the ex out of it totally but at the same time some people only know me by my current name.

Loopyseven

I would use your current legal name, especially if people won't recognize your maiden name.

JadziaDax

I think you should use your maiden name if you feel uncomfortable. You said you "want to leave your ex out of this" which makes me think you feel uncomfortable.

DramaGeek

I would also use the name people know you by.  I don't see it as bringing your ex into it, it's just what your name currently is.

sister2groom

You could list just middle names...

John and Jane Bride's Parents
invite you to the wedding of their daughter

Mary Middlename

to

John Middlename

Son of

etc.

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a8b4a9-9aea-4085-9f51-ba1d642410c5Post:897aa028-0083-447d-9305-7d0fc6dfee36">Re: What name to use?</a>:
[QUOTE]You could list just middle names... John and Jane Bride's Parents invite you to the wedding of their daughter Mary Middlename to John Middlename Son of etc.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

This is a really cute idea, I dont know how proper it is but I like.
Otherwise I would use the name people know you by.

becunning2

If your wedding is informal, the first + middle could be good.

I think though that since you didn't change your name after you got divorced, it doesn't really involve your ex at all.  It's been your name for 12 years after all.

But if you wanted to maybe minimize it for sentimental reasons (quite understandable) but you still want people to know whose wedding they were just invited to, why not use both your maiden and your legal name?

E.g., something like Jane Ex-name Maiden.   That way the ex's name gets shunted into the middle (less emphasis) and you get your maiden name, but people will still know who you are.

tenofcups4me

I would use whatever name people know you by, which in this case is your married name. A friend of mine faced a similar situation years ago and opted just to use her and her then-FH's first names only on the invitation. But it was a very small wedding, about 30 people, and fairly casual so it worked with the tone of the invitations and the wedding; I wouldn't do that if you're going more formal.

vixey

Your best options are either Firstname Middlename or Firstname ExHslastname.  Since it's currently your last name and has been for 12 years, I think it would be weird to all of the sudden revert back to your maiden name.

Using Firstname Maidenname ExHslastname doesn't solve your problem of "leaving your ex H out of it" nor is it the name you currently use, so that route doesn't make sense to me.

slshaffer

Thanks everyone.

I would never write Mrs. since I'm divorced it's Ms. now and my parents aren't hosting the wedding, we are so middle names only wouldn't work. I guess I'll just stick with my current last name. Which btw sounds WAY better than my future last name...but that's a whole other post...lol

tenofcups4me

CMGR, you're correct that it wasn't conceived to have anything to do with divorce or marital status -- the exact opposite as you noted. But usage has definitely changed and it seems to be used most by women who are single, divorced, or married who kept their own name. I don't know of very many married women who changed their names and would intentionally opt to be Ms. (outside of work of course). Totally defeats the original intent, of course, but there you have it.

Calypso1977

do you have kids with husband #1?  if so, and that is why you kept your 1st married name, i dont think folks will see your name and think of husband #1.