New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now

mom2eli&caleb

Hi! I'm new to these boards. I was originally married on December 31, 2005. My husband and I eloped and I didn't even wear a dress. I have always regretted not having a wedding. So, we are planning a ceremony for our vow renewal. Our planned date for the renewal is March 25, 2012, because that will be the two year anniversary of my husband having received his life-saving bone marrow transplant. Any other people out there renewing vows or having commitment ceremonies?

InferiorToKaos

I always get weirded out with vow renewals that are not several years away.  Why do you regret not having a wedding?  Regardless I don't think that a vow renewal is a wedding redo, it's just a reaffirmation of your love for each other .

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My thoughts are that maybe you should have anticipated how eloping would make you feel. If you thought you would regret it, you shouldn't have gone through with it.

riverjib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-here-renewing-vows-husband-wedding-first-time-want-one-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a9b480-3a9a-4962-9091-a7ee4e0ba06fPost:14d852c2-f2da-4d9f-8f8f-412fdbf315d3">Re: New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now</a>:
[QUOTE]My thoughts are that maybe you should have anticipated how eloping would make you feel. If you thought you would regret it, you shouldn't have gone through with it.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Ouch! I disagree. I mean, in principle, I suppose those who elope should think seriously about how they might feel about it later...but life's too short for regrets. I say go for it! There's no "right" way to do it. I wouldn't register or anything, but definitely invite family and friends for the occasion!

As far as I'm concerned, you ARE reaffirming your vows. Maybe most people do it after decades together, but it sounds like after what you have already faced together, you are seeing things differently and have a newfound appreciation for what your marriage means. I hope your husband is doing well, and that you have a wonderful life together.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-here-renewing-vows-husband-wedding-first-time-want-one-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a9b480-3a9a-4962-9091-a7ee4e0ba06fPost:ddf0bedc-9cfc-4f66-b7b5-e0051766a230">New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I'm new to these boards. I was originally married on December 31, 2005. My husband and I eloped and I didn't even wear a dress. I have always regretted not having a wedding. So, we are planning a ceremony for our vow renewal. Our planned date for the renewal is March 25, 2012, because that will be the two year anniversary of my husband having received his life-saving bone marrow transplant. Any other people out there renewing vows or having commitment ceremonies?
<p>Posted by mom2eli&caleb[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>You'll find mixed opinions here, but honestly, I think that so long as there's no deception involved, each to their own. Clearly, your friends and family know that you're married and that this is a vow renewal. Throwing a party to celebrate your relationship- particularly in light of your Husband's health- sounds perfectly fine to me. There'll be others who might disagree on this board (or throw out cookie cutter statements at mention of 'vow renewal' regardless of the circumstances), so be prepared for mixed responses here.</p>

riverjib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-here-renewing-vows-husband-wedding-first-time-want-one-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a9b480-3a9a-4962-9091-a7ee4e0ba06fPost:9e1657b3-f181-48c5-91d9-9c461bb54c09">Re: New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now :   You'll find mixed opinions here, but honestly, I think that so long as there's no deception involved, each to their own. Clearly, your friends and family know that you're married and that this is a vow renewal. Throwing a party to celebrate your relationship- particularly in light of your Husband's health- sounds perfectly fine to me. There'll be others who might disagree on this board (or throw out cookie cutter statements at mention of 'vow renewal' regardless of the circumstances), so be prepared for mixed responses here.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE

Given the board, be prepared for an onslaught of contrary opinions!

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-here-renewing-vows-husband-wedding-first-time-want-one-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a9b480-3a9a-4962-9091-a7ee4e0ba06fPost:9e1657b3-f181-48c5-91d9-9c461bb54c09">Re: New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now :   You'll find mixed opinions here, but honestly, I think that so long as there's no deception involved, each to their own. Clearly, your friends and family know that you're married and that this is a vow renewal. Throwing a party to celebrate your relationship- particularly in light of your Husband's health- sounds perfectly fine to me. There'll be others who might disagree on this board (or throw out cookie cutter statements at mention of 'vow renewal' regardless of the circumstances), so be prepared for mixed responses here.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

I agree with Sun.  I think that, since everyone  you know obviously knows you're married, and it's a significant date, as well as being several years away from your original wedding year, it's fine.

Just remember though, that you can't call it a wedding.  You can have all the trimmings, etc, but, it doesn't change the fact that you two have already had 5 years of marriage at this point.  A wedding is just a party, it's a celebration of your marriage, and in this case, also of health.  So, just focus on that instead of trying to have a "wedding" just so you can feel better.  :)

ebonyivory10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-here-renewing-vows-husband-wedding-first-time-want-one-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1a9b480-3a9a-4962-9091-a7ee4e0ba06fPost:ddf0bedc-9cfc-4f66-b7b5-e0051766a230">New here- renewing vows with husband-had no wedding first time and want one now</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I'm new to these boards. I was originally married on December 31, 2005. My husband and I eloped and I didn't even wear a dress. I have always regretted not having a wedding. So, we are planning a ceremony for our vow renewal. Our planned date for the renewal is March 25, 2012, because that will be the two year anniversary of my husband having received his life-saving bone marrow transplant. Any other people out there renewing vows or having commitment ceremonies?
Posted by mom2eli&caleb[/QUOTE]<div>Congratulations to you and your husband on his recovery! 

</div>

luckyme502

I think most people will be supportive.  The problems start when people lie about being married and invite everyone to their "wedding". 

Congrats on your husbands recovery and I hope you have a lovely renewal!

LesPaul

You had a wedding when you eloped.  However, if you want to renew your vows, particularly on a date that has personal significance - I say go ahead.  Where most people on this board have a probem is when the marriage is concealed and the second 'wedding' is presented as the couple's first.  Everyone knows you are already married and this is a vow renewal and not a wedding, so go ahead.

jayjoe

 I am def in the minority here, but personally, i could not care less if someone elopes or JOP's it and then has a big wedding and still refers to it as a wedding. I feel the same about people who renew vows after a short amount of time. If you want to do it, do it. I have a cousin who asked me to be her MOH in 95. A few months before the wedding, she called me up to tell me that in 94, her and her bf went to LV and eloped and had told no one. She later regretted it because she is an only child and her father had died when she was 2. My aunt wouldve been so sad. So they planned a big wedding and had it. As it became closer, she wound up telling everyone and guess what? NO ONE CARED LOL Our family is very small and everyone looks forward to weddings because it brings us all together. I have 3 friends who got married months before their actual wedding for insurance. No one cared. I have friends who JOP'd it due to one of them being in the military and then had big weddings later on. No one cared. I have gone to them all without any issue and with the same happiness that i wouldve had had it been their only wedding. If anyone sincerely has an issue with it, they wont go. Boo hoo.

Look, i've lost a lot of people in my life. I lost someone just last week and i am heartbroken over it. You, after what you mentioned about your hubby, of all people know how short life can be. You are having a renewal, not shooting up a school yard. Go for it and enjoy it. Life can suck sometimes so enjoy the times that dont.

Here is my soap box. Do with it what you wish.