For those who kept/are keeping their last name - baby related.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If you plan on having children, what will you do about their last name?

We have friends who gave the first child the husband's last name, the second child the wife's last name. I think I'd rather have my children have the same last name. More of a sense of camaraderie if outsiders identify them as siblings. 

As some of you know, I have a Scottish last name, so I was thinking about putting the prefix from my last name (Mac) in front of FI's 1-syllable last name, to make a fairly normal sounding last name with some of both of us in it. After all, the kids will be half of my DNA. My name is too long/complex to hyphenate and FI doesn't like hyphenated names anyway. Thoughts?

I know that when kids have parents with 2 different last names, there's really no perfect solution. 

beatlesgirl25

I've thought about doing your idea, but decided against it for the reason you stated (both parents having different last names than the kids). Have you thought about how you'll handle the situation when needed? The first thing that always comes to mind is dealing with the kids school or doctor's office. I don't have any creative solutions, sorry!

I voted to use H's last name. I think it will be easier, plus I think will be nice to do for him since he wasn't really happy with me keeping my name. Though I might do what my sister did and use my last name as the kid's middle name. She changed her middle name to her maiden name when she married so now she and her son at least have the same middle name, and our family's name.

Edit: Duh, I didn't read through all the poll options, hence my pointless explanation of the maiden/middle name. Sorry.

polichik

This isn't totally relevant (although maybe?), but this is what FI and I are doing. Example names, of course

Me now: Betty Anne Crocker
FI now: Adrien O'Neill Brody

I'm adding FI's last name to mine, so I'll be Betty Anne Crocker Brody, with "Crocker Brody" (no hypen) being my new last names.

FI is taking my last name as his second middle name, so he'll be Adrien O'Neill Crocker Brody, with "O'Neill Crocker" as his two middle names.

So, we'll be known as the Crocker Brody family, even though his last name hasn't legally changed. So, our kids will be the Crocker Brodys as well.

Just an alternative to hyphenating that allows each of you to keep your names but add your partner's in as you see fit.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I figure that it is pretty common for a mother to have a different last name than her kids these days (due to either keeping or hyphenating her name, remarriage, etc), so I'm not really concerned about them having a different name than me. It's a little more unusual for kids to have a different last name than their father (especially if it is not their mother's last name either), but I think people will get it. I mean, if a kid's name is McJones and their dad's last name is Jones, it sort of relates. 

I do think FI would like the kids to have his last name, and if it's important to him, I'll definitely concede.

I like my last name as my last name, but I think it's long and weird for a middle name. FI's second middle name is his mom's maiden name, though, so I'd consider it. He only uses his first middle name/initial, except for on really formal things, like his college diploma and our wedding invitations, where he'll use all 4 names.

Like I said - imperfect solutions!

sarahmk5

FI and I are actually doing the pretty much the same thing as Poli concerning our own last names - I'll have two last names (Mine His), and he'll take my last name as one of his (he'll be Mine His, as well).

We'll hyphenate our kid's, though.  (FI doesn't want to hyphenate his oen name, otherwise I would, too, don't ask me why.)

polichik

sarah, my FI was the same way. He hates hyphens. My last name is one syllable and his is two syllables, so it doesn't get too long together.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, the other thing is that if our kids have any last name BUT FI's, our families will probably give us the side eye. Whatever. His parents don't know I'm keeping my name yet, I don't think. I feel like it's not a big enough deal to announce it people. They'll find out when we get married and I continue to go by my last name.

sarahmk5

Poli - I'm ashmed to admit this, but I think he feels slightly emasculated taking my last name, but by still having two and not hyphenating, he'll still retain some of his manliness.

(Disclaimer: I am in no way forcing him take my name.  He asked me what I would want to do.  I told him, explained my reasons, and he said OK.)

JK10910

IF we have kids (that's a really, really huge if) they'll get his last name.  My reasons for keeping my last name are professional--given the people I want to work with, I'd prefer to make it as difficult as possible for people to find me and my family.  So it makes sense for the kids to have his last name.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_those-keptare-keeping-their-last-name-baby-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e203237b-2450-40c3-9668-5643524751efPost:6036220a-cf34-40d4-aeb8-1a97e43c515f">Re: For those who kept/are keeping their last name - baby related.</a>:
[QUOTE]IF we have kids (that's a really, really huge if) they'll get his last name.  My reasons for keeping my last name are professional--<strong>given the people I want to work with, I'd prefer to make it as difficult as possible for people to find me and my family. </strong> So it makes sense for the kids to have his last name.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

That's really practical, and I hadn't thought of that. I'm adding that to my list of reasons my kids will have H's last name too.

lyndausvi

If we have kids they will have DH's last name.  I choose to add his name to mine with no hyphen.  If I could do it over  I would have picked one or the other (mostly likely his). 

 Having 2 last names has been a PITA for me.  Some companies do not like having 2 last names with no hyphen, so I've had to add a hyphen.  Other companies will just smash the 2 name together so I'm SmilthJones, instead of Smith Jones.   Other people will call me one or the other so because they just do not know what is right.  

Because of this I would just them DH's name and call it a day.  My last name came from my father,  I really do not see it as a big deal.

sarabellam

Okay, I'll try to keep my "other" vote explanation brief. Married my first husband, took his name. 9 years into marriage, had first child, obviously with husband's and my last name. Almost 3 years later, second daughter comes along, same last name. Less than 2 years later, husband walks out. Divorce happens following calendar year. I retained his last name in divorce because I didn't want to have different last name from my 2 daughters, of whom I have sole custody. Following year, I finally come up with workable solution of reverting to my maiden name and hyphenating girls' last names to Mine-His. He has to agree legally, so I file paperwork with family court and wham-bam, I have my rightful name back, daughters have shared name, and the beyotch to whom he was engaged can now be the only Mrs. Ba.

MyNameIsNot

We aren't planning on having kids, but we have discussed this.  My sister and I are the only ones of our generation left with our last name.  My sister has already decided that she'll change her name if/when she gets married, so if we did ever have a child, I would want to pass on my name as the kid's last.  My DH's name isn't as important to him as mine is, so he'd be ok with that and use his name as their middle.   

amalama

I voted for my last name as the middle name option. But we will probably only do this if we have a son, because my last name is a workable (not common, but okay) name for a boy. I will probably either keep my name only, or have two last names, no hyphen.

I would have done this differently if I had though about it before we had DD, but TBH it didn't even come up as an option to do both. It was mine or his, my choice, and I felt like it was wrong to take that away from him. But at the time I also hadn't really though about keeping my own name when we got married, so I assumed we would eventually all have the same name. Now I wish we had done both names for her, but by the time we will get married, I don't think it will necessarily be right to change her name because of what I want. If she is old enough (she is 2 now) maybe I will talk to her about it and ask her what she thinks, but otherwise I don't want to suddenly change a kids name because I realized after she was born that my last name was important to me.

ExpatPumpkin

Kid's Name - Kid's Middle Name - His Last Name - My Last Name

Sally Marie Doe Smith

John Paul Doe Smith

For an otherwise patriarchal society, Mexico's naming traditions are actual quite respectful of women...

glam70s

Our kids (if we have any) will take his last name. Neither of us think it's fair to hyphenate a child's name (or give them two last names), because when they get married it could be a mess, depending on the circumstances. Names are not important to either of us, so I'll be taking his anyway, but the kids would have his name regardless of what I decided to do with mine.

I like the idea of the new last name, but I would be wary of legal issues with that. I have a friend who had trouble getting across the Canada/US border because she kept her name and her kids are named after dad. Since her name was not the same as theirs, they wouldn't let her across the border until her husband came and said that she was, in fact, their mother. You could prepare to deal with that, if necessary, but I don't know what you would do if neither parent had the same last name as the kids...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_those-keptare-keeping-their-last-name-baby-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e203237b-2450-40c3-9668-5643524751efPost:3aacf796-9f05-4728-86b6-dd872fc323c3">Re: For those who kept/are keeping their last name - baby related.</a>:
[QUOTE]Kid's Name - Kid's Middle Name - His Last Name - My Last Name Sally Marie Doe Smith John Paul Doe Smith For an otherwise patriarchal society, Mexico's naming traditions are actual quite respectful of women...
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

<div>I have noticed that based on the first and second generation Mexican immigrants I know. It's pretty cool.</div><div>
</div><div>I also think that Lynda has problems with that, as she mentioned in her response, because 2 last names, no hyphen, is popular in other cultures but hasn't quite caught on in the US yet.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_those-keptare-keeping-their-last-name-baby-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e203237b-2450-40c3-9668-5643524751efPost:37a9b3fb-ceba-41a9-b75c-a29e3786c611">Re: For those who kept/are keeping their last name - baby related.</a>:
[QUOTE]. I have a friend who had trouble getting across the Canada/US border because she kept her name and her kids are named after dad. Since her name was not the same as theirs, they wouldn't let her across the border until her husband came and said that she was, in fact, their mother. You could prepare to deal with that, if necessary, but I don't know what you would do if neither parent had the same last name as the kids...
Posted by glam70s[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmm, that's odd. As a kid we used to go on school field trips to Canada without our parents. We just had to bring our birth certificates, but rarely did they check them. (Even after 9/11 I once crossed the border with no idea since our destination was a "surprise" and I didn't know it was a surprise in another country!) Maybe it's because you need a passport now, which doesn't list parentage, while the birth certificate does. Good to remember - keep documentation on hand.</div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_those-keptare-keeping-their-last-name-baby-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e203237b-2450-40c3-9668-5643524751efPost:37a9b3fb-ceba-41a9-b75c-a29e3786c611">Re: For those who kept/are keeping their last name - baby related.</a>:
[QUOTE] I like the idea of the new last name, but I would be wary of legal issues with that. I have a friend who had trouble getting across the Canada/US border because she kept her name and her kids are named after dad. Since her name was not the same as theirs, they wouldn't let her across the border until her husband came and said that she was, in fact, their mother. You could prepare to deal with that, if necessary, but I don't know what you would do if neither parent had the same last name as the kids...
Posted by glam70s[/QUOTE]

Too be honest that can happen to parents who have the name as their kids if they are traveling out of the county without the other parent.  As a rule if you travel outside of the country with your kids without the other parent you should have documention that the other parent is aware the child is leaving the country.