Table Numbers = Rank?

shortee426

Do you think table numbers are a ranking? For example, if you are at table 3 does that make you more important than the person sitting at table 10?

I ask because my friend was telling me that her FMIL is insisting she use table numbers, rather than names at her wedding.  When I asked why she told me "rank."

That just doesn't make sense to me.  I never felt I was less important than the person sitting at a higher numbered table.  I always figured I was young so they put me near the band/DJ so grandma didn't blow out her eardrums.

opalsky007

What? No.

I don't even remember what number we were at our own dang wedding. It wasn't #1. We numbered them in rows across the room, and we were in the middle, so we were like table 4 or something.

FutureMrsFezz

No.  Just no.  I've never heard anything like that in my life.

garcias1

Yes, because let's come up with a way to make guests feel like crap (even though no one will have a clue because the rank thing is ridiculous).  FMIL sounds nuts.  Do words for the tables if you want.  FBIL labeled each table as a place that is important to them.  We got seated at the table with the name of the bar that FBIL and his wife frequented (also a bar that we frequented because we went to the same college).  I thought it was sweet and personal.

akhensley81

That's rediculous. Table numbers are to help with seating organization... not "rank." OP I'd recommend using words or something else to name your tables. That's insane.

kellya01

Good God, since when did we start ranking wedding guests?  And HOW on earth would you decide who gets what rank?  By how expensive their wedding gift is? 

*growl* 

With a live band, I could see putting older or more sensitive-hearing folks farther away.  I can see putting the WP at the head table.  I can NOT understand using table numbers as ranks. 

*curls lip* 

FutureMrsFezz

AK love your new sig pic!

squirrly

There are plenty of people who feel that way.  I think it's ridiculous.  We numbered ours for the convenience of our servers (they had a map of how many of what type of entree went to which table by number).  The numbers had nothing to do with rank. 

shortee426

I'm not sure if I was clear...this is my friend and her FMIL, not me and my FMIL. 

I will be using names for my tables.  And yes, if you are sitting at "Glory Days" you are higher ranked than those sittnig at "Born to Run." 

;-)

akhensley81

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I've heard of this. My supersnobby aunt may have at one point been overheard saying something to the effect of, "well she had us at table 12, so clearly we weren't that important to her."

But that doesn't make it any less insane.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:15ce58fd-3062-47c1-90dc-5b2753bb5d14">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Table Numbers = Rank? : LOL OP, I realize you're not that crazy.  :-)  I did find your post fun to play with.  Thanks!!! 
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

<div>That wasn't directed toward you specifically, just a general clarification.  I quite agree with what you said.</div>

sister2groom

To rnk guests like that would be so offensive and logistically annoying. Numbers should be in some logical order (like from one end of the room to the other) so guests and can find them and waiters can refer to them easier. Since the couple usually sits toward the center of the room, you'd have to spiral the table numbers outward from one.

If you really wanted to over-analyze rank of guests, I GUESS you could look at how close they were to the couple or how far they are from the dance floor, but I've never been insecure enough about my relationship with the couple to do that sort of an analysis. Any wedding where I knew I was one of the first 15 or so on the guestlist (like because I was immediate family), I didn't need table numbers to tell me that I was close to the couple. And if I know that I'm not that close to the couple, I'm usually just appreciative they included me.

doctabroccoli

Wow, um, yeah.  I have to admit that I've wondered if anyone does that ranking by number thing in the past, though - I've just never heard anyone actually say it.  My tables will be numbered because we have meal choices, but they'll be numbered from one end of the room to the other!

LauraT25

My MIL said this, and she was pissed that she was at 2 and my immediate family was at 1. I thought it was one of the crazier things she got upset about during the wedding planning.

Beachy730

Well if thats the case my parents must feel like crap because they were at table 12.  But it was dead center, right in front of our table.  Ours were numbered in order, with table 1 being the closest to the door, and then they just went in order throughout the room.  How would your guests know where to find the table if the numbers were just scattered everywhere? 

Technically we did rank people when we did the seating chart, but not by numbers.  We did immediately family closest, young friends by the DJ and bar, etc.  But I think thats pretty common sense, and i would never expect to be closer to the B&G than the parents or family.  And definitely wouldn't notice the table numbers.

Loopyseven

The venue sent us a map with numbers - we used names of mountains and waterfalls, and hiking trails, but if we'd stuck with the numbers, we were at table 2, and my parents were at table 1, and MIL was at table 8... but 1 and 8 were next to 2, so ppttthhhppp @ ranking by table numbers.

phillychica85

I didn't do numbers only because I found them to be a bit generic/boring. We did the names of cities we've traveled to instead but it had nothing to do with offending the feelings of some of our guests.

DavidandAmyClark

I think a lot of older people feel that numbers will rank.  The last wedding I went to I was at the last table, in the corner, highest number. I didn't care, I know we are friends. 

My question is, if this ranking thing really does exist, why would OP's friends' FMIL insist on shoving the ranking in all of the guests' faces by insisting on numbers for tables? Didn't OP's friend want to use something else like names?

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:e214ce30-1949-4561-b468-d5efda190186">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a lot of older people feel that numbers will rank.  The last wedding I went to I was at the last table, in the corner, highest number. I didn't care, I know we are friends.  <strong>My question is, if this ranking thing really does exist, why would OP's friends' FMIL insist on shoving the ranking in all of the guests' faces by insisting on numbers for tables?</strong> Didn't OP's friend want to use something else like names?
Posted by DavidandAmyClark[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it's more about making sure the "VIPs" (ie grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc). are given a higher rank than making others feel less important, if that makes sense.</div><div>
</div><div>I personally think it's crazy, but i think my friend views it as a battle not worth fighting.</div>

Y I Oughta

I went to a wedding in July and we sat at the engaged couples table. We called it this because nobody knew anyone else at the table but we were all engaged couples. One girl at the table commented that she was upset to be at table 24 of 40. She also commented that when she seated the the B&G at her wedding she would make sure to rank them low on the list like they did to her. All the other woman at the table just looked at her funny and nobody had anything to say about it until that couple got u and walked away.

SparrowSong

I think it's a good reason NOT to use numbers. There is no way you can rank guests and not hurt someone's feelings. Better to just call tables by names of flowers or cities you've lived in or whatever, so one isn't obviously better than another.

Cynthia1207

Ah yes I have been a victim of this manner of thinking.  Italian weddings have their own twist, their own rules and manners so here's how it works:

Table 1 is the closest to the honor table and is on the bride's side.  Incidentally table 10 would be the first one on the groom's side (to keep numbers simple!)

The number ranking actually only works for table 1 which is supposed to be immediate family of the bride.  So in fact it is completely ridiculous to base it on the table number because your FI's immediate family (or H's family at this point) would be at table 10. 

It is actually now based on who is closest to the honor table. Family comes first and then friends.  That's how we do it.  It's not a matter of ranking, just a sort of seating chart procedure.  So yes it might sound ridiculous to some of you who don't have that in your cultures but believe me when I go to a wedding and if I am sitting in a dark corner next to the DJ's speakers, chances are I'm not that close to the bride and groom.

marissa_claire

No.  I think it mostly depends on the layout of the room, though.  When I worked out my seating chart, we tried to put clusters of family tables together then clusters of neighbors together, so in the end I hope no one felt like they were last.  And our numbers had to snake up and down each row, so you might have been at table 15 but were in the front row.

Kristin789

>>Do you think table numbers are a ranking? For example, if you are at table 3 does that make you more important than the person sitting at table 10?

Not "more important."  But "closer to the couple."  And yes, that's exactly how people are seated for the ceremony and how people are seated for the reception in my circle/in my area.

The reception seating mirrors the ceremony seating:  Parents up front, followed by close family, then more distant family, then close friends, then more distant acquaintences.  The closer you are to the couple, the closer you sit to the couple - at the wedding and at the reception. 

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:9f34e359-c3ec-448a-bf62-48a7e6508ebf">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE] />>Do you think table numbers are a ranking? For example, if you are at table 3 does that make you more important than the person sitting at table 10? Not "more important."  But "closer to the couple."  And yes, that's exactly how people are seated for the ceremony and how people are seated for the reception in my circle/in my area. The reception seating mirrors the ceremony seating:  Parents up front, followed by close family, then more distant family, then close friends, then more distant acquaintences.  The closer you are to the couple, the closer you sit to the couple - at the wedding and at the reception. 
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I'm reserving the front row for my parents/J's parents at the ceremony.  But other than that it's first come, first serve.  I'm not assigning seats.

Y I Oughta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:9f34e359-c3ec-448a-bf62-48a7e6508ebf">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE] />>Do you think table numbers are a ranking? For example, if you are at table 3 does that make you more important than the person sitting at table 10? Not "more important."  But "closer to the couple."  And yes, that's exactly how people are seated for the ceremony and how people are seated for the reception in my circle/in my area. The reception seating mirrors the ceremony seating:  Parents up front, followed by close family, <strong>then more distant family</strong>, then close friends,<strong>then more distant acquaintences.</strong>  The closer you are to the couple, the closer you sit to the couple - at the wedding and at the reception. 
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Ok, I can see maybe inviting distant family, under certain circumstances, but distant acquaintances. Why are they there?

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:ae2307fc-4a81-4922-abb9-493d7c6ccdee">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Table Numbers = Rank? : Ok, I can see maybe inviting distant family, under certain circumstances, but distant acquaintances. <strong>Why are they there?</strong>
Posted by Y I Oughta[/QUOTE]

Well how are you supposed to get lots and lots of gifts if you don't invite distant acquaintances?

Y I Oughta

This is true. I had better get working on my list of distant acquaintances so I can double my gift count.

Loopyseven

Shortee - I was gonna say, "Duh - for the presents".  

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-numbers-rank?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e21e23ca-bdea-4f18-9198-306e18351e86Post:057ddc6f-70c9-44d9-a923-01f9a7091f60">Re: Table Numbers = Rank?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure if I was clear...this is my friend and her FMIL, not me and my FMIL.  I will be using names for my tables.  <strong>And yes, if you are sitting at "Glory Days" you are higher ranked than those sittnig at "Born to Run."  ;-)</strong>
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]
I love it!

I'm not engaged, but if I ever do get married, I'm using that idea. Or something from Harry Potter. Like the Hufflepuff table and the Dumbledore table and the Petrificus Totalus table. I haven't worked out the details.
My boyfriend doesn't like Springsteen or Harry Potter, so that might be an obstacle...