Wedding Announcement/ Invitation Etiquette when Bride's Parents are paying for 90% of the wedding

keats11

I was wondering what sort of language/ phrasing to use on the wedding announcements/ invitations. My parents are paying for the reception mostly.  My fiance's parents have stated that they will pay for the people beyond the 100 my parents are paying for because most of the guests will be from the groom's side as it will be in the groom's location.  My parents are also going to be paying for the cake, photography, videography, flowers, transportation.  His parents are going to be paying for the reception dinner.  So, my question is what is the best way to phrase the invite? Is it appropriate to say, the parents of ___ invite you to the marriage of ___ to the son of ___.  Could someone direct me to a website where I can find some ideas on how to phrase this. I have to send out invitations soon asmy wedding date is April 20, 2013.  Thank you so much!

- Annie

AddieCake

My father paid for 99.9% of the wedding and we still said "Together with their families." 

Personally, when I receive a wedding invitation, I notice who, time, place, level of formality. I do not scrutinize it for the hosts names to decipher who is paying for it. I just have never understood the importance of giving credit there. 

Jen4948

Paying is not the same as hosting.  Being listed on a wedding invitation or in an announcement isn't an "honor" anyone can buy with financial contributions.  Rather, "hosting" a wedding consists of acting as the "point persons" - they issue invitations, receive replies, communicate with guests, make sure their needs are taken care of, and greet them at the wedding reception.  That could be the couple or any or all of the parents, regardless of who is paying how much.

If all four of your parents are acting as "point people" for the guests, then list all four of them.  If not, list only those who are.   

jessicabessica

By "the parents of ____" you mean the actual names, right?  So, "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe invite you...".  Not "the parents of keats11 invite you...".  Just making sure.  

Also, I agree with KS.  Whatever you do, run it by both parents before you print.  It's something minor that has the potential to cause serious hurt feelings, and it's such a easy thing to check, I don't think it's worth the risk.

JanoBean75

If you don't do the together with their families, this is very basic, traditional wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the honor of your presence (church wedding)
request the pleasure of your company (non-church wedding)
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride Name
to
Groom Name
son of Mr. and Mrs. Adam Williams
Saturday, the twentieth of April
Two thousand and thirteen
Church Name/Venue Name
City, State

JanoBean75

I have seen the son of line included on invitations for at least fifteen years. It is not that new. It is simply a way to include the groom's parents by name when they are not hosting. If they were co-hosting with the bride's parents, it is properly written as:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Mr. and Mrs. Adam Williams

request the honour of your presence/pleasure of your company

at the marriage of

Bride Name

to

Groom Name

yadda yadda

violet355

i used both parents on my invites, my dad paid for the reception, but his parents helped us pay for some things and paid for our honeymoon as a gift to us.

when in doubt, don't leave anyone out.  i also put my mom's name on there (i have divorced parents) since i felt bad leaving her off even though she was not in a position to financially contribute to our wedding, but put my dad and his wife first since they were hosting.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-announcement-invitation-etiquette-when-brides-parents-are-paying-for-90-of-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e2306303-42e7-4934-b67d-74030bc379faPost:bca02ed9-4249-4cf1-98eb-4515bf511524">Re: Wedding Announcement/ Invitation Etiquette when Bride's Parents are paying for 90% of the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Whatever you do, I would show the proofs to both sets of parents so there are no surprise hurt feelings after they've been mailed.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

This. We didn't run invite proofs by my in-laws before ordering them (they were not hosting anything besides the RD, nor were they paying for anything besides the RD) so we went with traditional wording with my divorced parents hosting jointly... it caused a HUGE blow-up with my H's family, as they felt completely and utterly disrespected (which was not at all the intention). Really, their reaction was absolutely ridiculous (H's father told him at one point that we could forget about them even attending the wedding and that they would be canceling the RD) but it could have all been avoided had we at least given them a heads up as to what the invites were going to look like.

36798099

i agree with CMGr...until very recently i had never heard of grooms family on the invitation. not saying if good or bad but it strikes me as sounding less formal though i have no reason other than personal preference to base that on. as your parents are paying i do feel they get the bigger part of a say. what do they want? if they don't mind, include the grooms parents. i completely get wanting to keep the piece...perhaps ask them to help proof-read?

TerriHugg

You can say

Mr. and Mrs. (brides parents)

along with Mr. and Mrs. (grooms parents)

request the honor of your presence....

RWolff

I agree that this is mostly for the parents. We just showed both sets of parents our proof since it was the only time they would both be together, and the reaction was positive. We went with the wording the OP suggested. My only questions is how will your parents feel? My mom is a classic overreactor and always thinks she is being slighted, so I made sure to explain my reasoning to her. Although my parents are paying for everything but the cake, I felt it unnecessary to exclude FI's parents because they were not contributing as much. It took my mom about 5 minutes to warm up to the idea, and then she realized that she had taught me how to properly be the bigger person and make sure everyone was happy.

twotimemob

We paid for my daughter's wedding, and we included groom's parents names, "son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents".  I've always seen it that way, "tradition" or not.  Their son is getting married too.

You could always say, "Mr. and Mrs. Bride's parents, who are paying 87.4% of the wedding, invite you..."  and "son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents, who are paying 6.72% of the wedding..."  Probably not.