Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thought we were ok with our child-free wedding, but apparently not... In-Laws issue

We decided from the beginning that we want an adults-only wedding, and it's something with which I really struggled because I didn't want to offend people. We're in our 30's, so most of our friends have already had kids- some of them several kids. Including kids in the wedding for us would have meant 30 of them in addition to our 100 guests, and we think that would seriously change the tone of our reception. Saying no kids has allowed us to stick to our budget and to invite the friends we really want to celebrate with, while also inviting all of the obligatory adult family members, even those with whom we are not close.

Our friends have been wonderful about supporting our decision. Our Best Man talked about how he's looking forward to an adult weekend while his baby son stays with his wife's parents. A friend let us know that she realized her baby daughter's name wasn't on the invitation, so she wanted to confirm that we're not inviting kids, and then she assured us that she knows this doesn't mean we dislike her baby, and that she'll will be fine with the friend's parents for a night. And recently, other friends brought their three-year-old to brunch and he was a holy terror, reinforcing just how disruptive kids can be at an event and validating our choice not to include them in our very adult, night-time, downtown wedding.  

My fiance has two nephews, ages 10 and 12. His parents said that they would make sure that their parents know that people under 21 aren't invited to the wedding. Apparently, they didn't do this (after saying they had), and now there are a lot of hard feelings. His parents then complicated the situation by suggesting to his aunt and uncle that they just bring the kids anyway, and sneak them in. I think this is beyond inappropriate, and compeltely disrespectful, espcially since we had discussed the child-free plan with them months ago, and they didn't raise any objections at that time. Also, we have table assignments and ordered a specific number of place settings, chairs, etc. We won't have extra around for uninvited guests.

If we have kids show up on his side, our friends and my family will be offended that we made an exception, even if we pretend we didn't know they were coming. Am I way out of line to ask my fiance to call his aunt and uncle and let them know that we're mortified that his parents suggested they sneak the children into the wedding, as clearly, that is not an appropriate suggestion, but that we've told everyone no kids and we can't make exceptions?
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