Update

mwhitson14

I'm sorry that I haven't update lately, but I've seriously been crazy busy. I can't believe it's Wednesday already, and I haven't even hardly been on a computer. It's one of the things I'm trying to cut down (that, and texting) after H complained about it.

Things are not 100% better. We're still working on things, and he went to counseling last night. We had a huge, two hour long talk on Friday night (before I was KUI ) that cleared a lot of things up for me. Without going into a huge amount of detail, H sucks at communication, and it's one of the things he discussed with our pastor.

I haven't read the I Judge thread, and I won't since I only have a few minutes left of my lunch break, but I understand if I'm getting judged for the photo album or whatever else I've said on FB. We're not better, but we're working on it. And I don't want to continue to be a negative nancy, so doing little things like a bowling date with friends is just to help us move on and try to be more positive with our relationship. Also, most of my IRL friends and family have no idea what's been going on between H and I, so we're trying to maintain a strong front for those that aren't aware.

I'm sorry, I'm not really sure how to word it any better than that. It's just that we're working on it, and trying to move on from it at the same time, if that makes any sense at all. I'll try to come back and respond to this, but I"m not sure I'll have time. Since yesterday, I'm running the summer reading program at the library and training 4 summer time employees, so it's a little crazy right now

Thanks for everything guys, I honestly do appreciate everything.

kikibaby

I'm glad to hear he went to counseling, and that you guys are working on things.  Good luck!

mwhitson14

Thanks kiki. Apparently it needed to be one of those things that he decided to do on his own, and not tried to force to do by me

jasmineh7777

I hope everything works out Whit. I'll keep you and your H in my prayers.

LesPaul

Good luck, Whit.  We all wish the best for you.

MISSCOURTNEY20

Sounds like you guys are on the right path. Still sending good vibes your way!!!

mwhitson14

Thank you jasmineh!

JessAndTrav

I'm glad that he went to counseling Whit. I'm glad that you're making some progress together.

georgia_bride09

I just have one question: is he still quitting his job to become a bullrider?

Edit: And I am happy for you that things are moving in a positive direction, but I know that was the BIG thing last week, and I just wondered if that was one of the disputes that had been discussed.

danieliza1127

Thanks for the update Whit.  I hope you find happiness, whatever path that takes.

Moneypenny424

This is good news, Whit!  I'm glad to hear he went to counseling. 

mwhitson14

No georgia, he's not. Thank goodness. He explained Friday night that he had been having a really bad few days at work, and instead of just going, I hate my job, it sucks, he goes, I'm just going to quit and ride bulls. And when I got freaked and panicked about it, instead of just explaining what he really meant, he got defensive.

He's still going to do it occasionally, and I can handle that.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e40c1c15-a030-4dee-9b99-541ec74284a0Post:a898b143-c18f-4eac-852d-9a971c03f86c">Re: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]No georgia, he's not. Thank goodness. Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

He better not, if he wants to keep that moustache. 

georgia_bride09

Sounds like you both did a lot of thinking and I'm really glad he came to his senses. I hope that this just makes your marriage stronger.

kate51485

Whit, is he going to make any progress on finding a different job that doesn't make him so miserable and one that contributes more to your household, so that you don't have to work 3?

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e40c1c15-a030-4dee-9b99-541ec74284a0Post:a898b143-c18f-4eac-852d-9a971c03f86c">Re: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]No georgia, he's not. Thank goodness. He explained Friday night that he had been having a really bad few days at work, and instead of just going, I hate my job, it sucks, he goes, I'm just going to quit and ride bulls. And when I got freaked and panicked about it, instead of just explaining what he really meant, he got defensive. He's still going to do it occasionally, and I can handle that.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

I'm really glad to hear that, Whit. I hope you two can work things out, but you have both GOT to communicate.

mwhitson14

HA OWN! Please come in ninjastyle at night and shave it off. I've threatened to many a time!!

kate, I just don't know. That's a hard one. We've talked a lot about him going back to school, but his parents are such asshats and they discourage him everytime he talks about it, and he gets frustrated and stops thinking about doing it. They say school is a waste of time and money and he's not going to be able to get a job anyway (they point to me, the fuuckers). So right now, jobwise things aren't going to change. If I get hired to teach though, I'll drop sylvan and the hotel.

tidetravel

Thanks for updating, Whit.  I'm glad that he decided to go to counseling.  It takes a lot of work, but you guys can only get better if both of you are committed.  GL!

andyandhillary

Thanks for the update, Whit.  I wish you both the best and that you find happiness. 

tidetravel

Next topic on the counseling list:  dealing with the parents and learning to support one's wife.

ohwhynot

Well, I wasn't thinking shaving it off, but okay. 

I really am SO glad to hear that he went to counseling - it sounds like that was a huge huge step for him.  I can't tell you how impressed I am by the way you stood your ground and handled yourself under all the pressure.  Keep on with your bad self, Whit.  Brighter days are ahead. 

danieliza1127

I worry about the influence his family apparently has over him, to the detriment of your marriage.  I hope you guys talk about that and work on that in counseling. 

I hope he doesn't give you ridiculous ultimatums forcing you to leave every time he has a few stressful days at work.  That's emotional abuse Whit and it's not good for you.  You'll be walking on egg shells before you know it.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e40c1c15-a030-4dee-9b99-541ec74284a0Post:f0742903-9fcd-401b-bede-ec35d41f7277">Re: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]Next topic on the counseling list:  dealing with the parents and learning to support one's wife.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

I'm just going to hire a hitman.

banana468

Whit, just read what's going on.  As PPs said, I hope you're able to find happiness in any way that it works out for you.

kate51485

Wow, his parents just won't quit.  I hope that in your discussions with your pastor or other health professionals, you can approach their influence on him and ways for him to learn how to politely tell them to STFU.

mwhitson14

Dani, I know. That's definitely going to be an uphill battle. What makes me so mad about them, is they are so nice to my face and so ugly behind my back. If they'd just be asshats to my face, I could deal with it more directly. And you're right about the ultimatums. I hope the continued chats with our pastor and working on communication skills will improve that.

danieliza1127

Well I wish you guys the best of luck.  I think you both have a hard road ahead, only time will tell whether you'll go down it together or not.

georgia_bride09

I know we said this last week, but I'd also still be vigilant about not getting pregnant. I know you aren't planning on a baby right now anyway, but especially until y'all have resolved things regarding his parents, you DO NOT want a baby in the mix. That will just make his parents worse.

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e40c1c15-a030-4dee-9b99-541ec74284a0Post:a898b143-c18f-4eac-852d-9a971c03f86c">Re: Update</a>:
[QUOTE]No georgia, he's not. Thank goodness. He explained Friday night that he had been having a really bad few days at work, and instead of just going, I hate my job, it sucks, he goes, I'm just going to quit and ride bulls. <strong>And when I got freaked and panicked about it, instead of just explaining what he really meant, he got defensive.</strong> He's still going to do it occasionally, and I can handle that.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Well I think he needs to work on his communication.  That's just ridiculous.  He let that "fight" get pretty out of hand.  He went as far as left to sleep at his parents' house.  What a baby.

Sorry, I still hate him.

I want you to be happy.  And I hope that you guys get to where you need to be.  I just hope you guys don't go to counseling for a month and go, "okay, things are good!  we don't need to go anymore!"  I still go to therapy for my mom's death and that was over 4 years ago.  Death = / = marraige problems, but things are not fixed over night. 

Thanks for the update.  And I hope for your sake he really does change.