Asking for money for wedding gifts

mds52088

I have been living with my fiance for a while now and we pretty much have everything we would like for the house. We obviously could use SOME new stuff but when it comes to gifts from our guests we would much rather ask for money to put towards our honeymoon. What would be a polite way to ask for it? Is it completely our of the question to even do so?

Avion22

There is no polite way to ask for money.

Guests know that cash makes a good gift, and some people ALWAYS give cash, while some people (like me) don't like to give money.    

If you prefer monetary gifts, then have no registry (or a very small registry that includes a few items you might want), and decline showers (those are for gifts, not money).  It's okay for your parents, IF ASKED, to tell people that you are saving up for home improvements, a nice vacation, or whatever.   

kmmssg

agree with Avion.  Most people know what a very small registry means and that is the best way to approach this.  You should never mention gifts and you should never ever ask for money.  Your guests will figure it out.

goobersinlove

A lot of couples are in this situation.  The best way to relay the message that cash is preferred is to simply not register anywhere.  People already know that cash is a great wedding gift and they don't need to be told that.  Also, if you aren't registering, you should also politely decline any showers that are offered to be thrown for you.

And just like it's bad etiquette to put your registry info on a wedding invite, make sure you don't put anything to the effect of "cash only." You probably knew that already, but just in case.

If people ASK you, you can always mention that you're saving up for XYZ.

AMYM312

My sister recently showed me a wedding website with this listed on the Registry page.

An Ode to the Gift List

In a wedding invitation,
You usually find some lists,
For venues, menus and hotels,
And also for the gifts

But this one is unusual,
It comes in a different way,
As we're not asking for presents,
But for something else today

Now please don't think we're selfish,
Or that this comes from greed,
But we've had the house for a while,
So there's not that much we need

We would appreciate help though,
To send us on our way,
And allow us to have our honeymoon,
In a land quite far away

So now the point of all this rhyme,
The thing that we would like,
Isn't towels, toasters or microwaves,
But pounds and pence alike

And now you know the reason,
Behind this cheeky accord,
Please help to give us memories,
Of a dream honeymoon abroad!

Wishing Well

Due to Erik's upcoming ship schedule, we are unable to take a real honeymoon after our wedding. We figure that when he comes off the ship in 2013, we will schedule something romantic and adventurous then.

We both do not want a stereotypical 'lay-on-the-beach' type of honeymoon, but instead, we are imagining touring some of the cities and countries in Europe where neither of us has ever been.

We see our ideal honeymoon consisting of touring lots of historic sites in the urban areas, exploring vineyards in the countryside, and really, just making great memories with each other.

We would love it if you could help us make this dream become a reality!



At our reception... 
a wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

If a credit card is more your style,
don't be afraid to turn that dial,
click the "Donate" button below to do this,
sent with love and sealed with a kiss!

---

 

In case you haven't realized - this was a joke. Never do anything like this girl did! It's beyond tacky.

hoffse

This gives me a headache.  OP, please please PLEASE go to the registry and gifts page and scroll down a tiny bit.  I think this question was asked three times yesterday.

ceh789

Honestly I'd think more of an invitation that said "gimme your cash" than that freaking "poem".  Like putting it in poem format makes it ok?

amymaysa

Everyone would love cash over gifts. People know this. Like others have said, create a small registry and have family help spread the word you are saving for your honeymoon.

You aren't the first and won't be the last person in this type of situation.

Also, like a PP said, putting this type of request in poem form doesn't make it right.

And really, this:
At our reception... 
a wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

If a credit card is more your style,
don't be afraid to turn that dial,
click the "Donate" button below to do this,
sent with love and sealed with a kiss!

Is just plain awful and if I saw this at a wedding, I might just re think my gift...jst plain rude!

crnflkgirl75

Oy! Tacky. It's just tacky. We put some things on our registry like some tools we don't have, and then in the comments section of the registry (Amazon lets you comment on the things you have chosen) we put "tools might seem strange, but remember we just bought a house that needs a lot of work." This is about as close as we got to asking for cash gifts. I did not feel comfortable hinting in any more direct way-- especially since gifts are not a requirement for attendees. Their "gift" to you is their presence at your wedding. If they choose to also buy you something or give you money, that is a bonus gift.

AMYM312

crnflkgirl - Your puppy is so cute!

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-for-money-for-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4211c38-8187-48c2-b776-3f1ea25d6c9cPost:0f33d5ce-1535-468e-b2dd-d67469474ce8">Re: Asking for money for wedding gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]crnflkgirl - Your puppy is so cute!
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]

i was just thinking the same thing..I scrolled down and stopped at the puppy!

stefaniewattie

I recently received a wedding invitation for a friend's (and not even a close friend) destination wedding (we are not going because the resort they chose is RIDICULOUS expensive) and in their invitation there was a poem like the one above... I almost vomited in my mouth.

MrsGarrett87

Just register for very little or nothing at all. No cheesy poems, no tacky sayings, no special requests. You'll end up fine. H and I lived together and had been living on our own for years. There were not many things we needed. We had like 30 things on our registry, cash happened.

Simply_Caitlin

In my opinion, this is a job for your bridesmaids and moms.  Word of mouth goes a long way.  I already know that my maid of honor has shared with a couple of people that while we do have a registry, we're renovating our very old house and cash or lowes gift cards would help more than that really awesome stand mixer.  I would never ask for gifts or tell people I would prefer cash, but by her telling people what we would use any cash we did get for, it will probably make more people give cash without feeling like they were asked to.  Does that make any sense?

crnflkgirl75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-for-money-for-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4211c38-8187-48c2-b776-3f1ea25d6c9cPost:36d93ab2-0cac-4f02-a284-2dae9bbbd00c">Re: Asking for money for wedding gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for money for wedding gifts : i was just thinking the same thing..I scrolled down and stopped at the puppy!
Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]



Thanks guys! I adore him, but that cute face lets him get away with murder!

mds52088

Okay... got it. Registry, minimal amount on it, the rest is up to them. Thanks guys.

mwiederhold

Wow, reading those poems were hard on the eyes!  I'm so glad I live in NY where nothing BUT cash is a wedding gift! 

I still dont get how the rest of the country still hasnt caught on to this tradition!

kdnyyfan

are there reall people who dont give cash at a wedding? I always feel the need to cover my meal and give the couple "a little something to get started"

kate&cor2012

i don't anyone who wouldn't give us cash, but we aren't asking for it. On our invitations and website, we don't have a registry and the only "hint" we gave was in our "About Us" section where we mentioned that we intend on purchasing a home after it's official. The mothers and bridesmaids have been telling everyone about us wanting a house so I see absolutly no need to mention cash at all.

natlaie1209

i don't think it's tacky to ask..i think its tacky to go and register to just to make everyone else happy knowing that you really don't need or want any of the crap  you put on there!! just put in with the invitaion a little card that says "the bride and groom are not registered anywhere, but are asking for donations to towards there honeymoon" it's not that big of a deal your family and friends will understand!!