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Wedding Etiquette Forum

FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long

My MOH is throwing me a shower is this Sunday and FMIL responded yesterday on the E-invite that she can't make it because she has tickets to a local theater production. I was a little disappointed but I understand why she couldn't come. In conversation, I mentioned it to FI who became slightly irratated and said " Oh no, she's going. I'm making her, it's YOUR shower!"

I told him that it's not a big deal. I wonder if his reaction is due to the fact that a while ago I was worried that there's no one at my shower since everyone is out of town. (I got over it)
So far there's going to 5 people at my shower including myself. I don't mind it too much and I'm really not expecting gifts but just some time to hang out with my mom and my BMs. In the same time, it would be very nice to have my FMIL come and get to know my mom because their relationship is slightly awkward (due to slight language barrier on my mom's part) and FMIL doesn't seem to show a lot of respect towards her in conversation. 

Technically she can make it to the shower and then go to her production because the shower is 2pm in the afternoon and the production is at 8pm. I really don't want my FI to strain his already unstable relationship with his mother for a bridal shower. It's not that big of a deal really! But my FI & MOH seems a bit pissed at her saying that it's BS she's not going...etc. I also don't want to bring it up to my FMIL that it's okay for her to not come, making it sound like I'm guilting her. I also wonder if she didn't want to come because she just really doesn't like my mom (we've invited her to our house 6 different time in the last 3 years and she alway declined) just because she's a very out going person.

Ugh, maybe there's really nothing I can do about this and just don't say anything to anyone since it's none of my business really.

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Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long

  • Haha!  You've got a groomzilla.
    panther
  • Encorage your FI to not "force" his mother to go to your shower. If she does not want to go to the shower then she doesn't have to go. Don't bring it up to her. Just drop it and ask FI to do the same. It sucks that she doesn't seem to get along with your mother - but you're right. There really isnt much you can do about it. 
  • I agree -- this is something you (and especially your fiance) need to just let go.  I mean, let's say every time we crafted an iffy excuse not to attend something we don't want to go to, people called us out on our "other plans" and bullied us into agreeing to attend.  That would suck.
    DSC_9275
  • I don't mean this to be mean, but I think this is a fairly obvious sign that she doesn't WANT to go.  6 hours is more than enough time to go to a small wedding shower, go home, change and head to the theater.  If she really wanted to make it (unless she was in the show or something) she would.

    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-is-making-fmil-be-at-my-shower-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e514a6ed-3251-4177-bf53-5537e35625afPost:a0fb222c-f808-4cc6-a0cc-cabc3413c59f">Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't mean this to be mean, but I think this is a fairly obvious sign that she doesn't WANT to go.  6 hours is more than enough time to go to a small wedding shower, go home, change and head to the theater.  If she really wanted to make it (unless she was in the show or something) she would.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree. It seems pretty obvious that she doesn't want to go. The other thing is, she does have to drive 2 hours to MOH's house so I wonder if that has to do with it. In any case, I thought maybe she'd like to spend some time with my mom. It's a bit disappointing. Since the gathering is so small, my MOH decided to just make it a lunch gathering somewhere nice. I don't mind that :) Although, still wish FMIL is there to hang out.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-is-making-fmil-be-at-my-shower-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e514a6ed-3251-4177-bf53-5537e35625afPost:ceabd137-b450-4504-82ea-16e92f4c5328">Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long : I agree. It seems pretty obvious that she doesn't want to go. The other thing is, she does have to drive 2 hours to MOH's house so I wonder if that has to do with it. In any case, I thought maybe she'd like to spend some time with my mom. It's a bit disappointing. Since the gathering is so small, my MOH decided to just make it a lunch gathering somewhere nice. I don't mind that :) Although, still wish FMIL is there to hang out.
    Posted by megan8290[/QUOTE]

    I don't really blame her for not wanting to drive 2 hours, stay 2 hours, and then drive another 2 hours. Is there a reason you want the moms to hang out? My mom met my MIL at the wedding, and I don't think they'll meet again anytime soon, if ever.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-is-making-fmil-be-at-my-shower-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e514a6ed-3251-4177-bf53-5537e35625afPost:9f8ae8f0-3fa6-419f-a601-0efadd6e776a">Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is making FMIL be at my shower? Long : I don't really blame her for not wanting to drive 2 hours, stay 2 hours, and then drive another 2 hours. Is there a reason you want the moms to hang out? My mom met my MIL at the wedding, and I don't think they'll meet again anytime soon, if ever.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    <div>I feel that my FMIL doesn't really respect my mom and have the attitude of "people who don't speak perfect Engish are kind of stupid" towards her. My mother's English is actually pretty good, she just have an accent that everyone else seem to understand except for my FMIL. I guess I wanted my FMIL not look down on my mom. The other thing is, I'm pretty sure if this event wasn't a shower but any other event that involves her son she would give up her ticket and go attend that thing even if she has to drive 3 hours. </div>
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