Wedding Etiquette Forum

divorced aunt

So I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this but I am going to ask it anyways...

My mom's brother and his wife are in the process of getting a divorce.  They've been in this process for about a year now.  I love my uncle but that was my favorite aunt; she was so cool and so nice.  It's not a clean divorce either.  She left him for a girl so they don't get along too well.

I'm sure this has nothing to do with it but their son is getting married in October so they often have to see each other in a social setting.

Would it be acceptable for me to invite her to the wedding.  She's a wonderful lady and super nice but I'm afraid that if I invite her, I will be looked at as a horrible niece because I am putting my uncle in another uncomfortable situation.

Re: divorced aunt

  • They already have to go to one wedding in each other's company; what's one more?
  • I voted yes. Even though the divorce is messy, do you think they'll be able to hold it together and play nice at your wedding? They're adults and they should be able to put aside their own personal situation for one day. How big is the wedding? Will it be easy for them to avoid one another?
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  • Invite her. Just because they are divorcing doesn't mean that you should stop liking her. You shouldn't be put in the position to take sides.
  • If you are close to her, I don't see why you shoudln't invite her (well, I do, but...).  Anyway, I'd maybe ask your mom what she thinks.  If she thinks it would be inappropriate and make your uncle very unhappy, then I would respect that.  But if she thinks it is okay, go for it.
  • Has she always been your aunt? I mean, were they married before you were born?
  • edited July 2010
    I'd invite her. I might let your uncle know, though. I'm sure they'd both like to see you get married, but perhaps one will decline if they feel like they really can't be in the same room anymore. Just seat them at different tables.

    However, etiquette would also dictate that you invite her new partner if they are together at that point. Something to think about. Again, her partner might decline, but you never know.

    FWIW, my own parents can't stand to be in the same room, but they will be several times over the course of my wedding weekend.
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  • I would probably talk to your Mom and Uncle about it and give them a head's up that you intend to invite her, just to make sure they don't freak.  Hopefully they will be understanding, she is your Aunt, and it's just one day.
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  • we are inviting FI's uncle and his ex-aunt.  they were married for 20 years and this was his only aunt, so of course they still are super close (especially ex aunt and FMIL).

    We are just making sure they sit at different tables and in different parts of the room.
  • the wedding is going to be huge (400) so I'm sure they would be able to avoid each other.
    Thanks for the quick responses.  I appreciate it.
  • Invite them both and let them figure it out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorced-aunt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e875d6f4-8023-4747-8339-2f5954849585Post:7fdab3db-68d9-4eee-aed4-4fa452e609c2">Re: divorced aunt</a>:
    [QUOTE]the wedding is going to be huge (400) so I'm sure they would be able to avoid each other. Thanks for the quick responses.  I appreciate it.
    Posted by mlinck[/QUOTE]


    Then I say go for it. Just tell your Uncle you hope he'll be ok, but that you love them both, and it would mean a lot to you to have them both their. Maybe ask aunt if she'd be ok leaving her girlfriend at home, so as not to further hurt your Uncle's feelings, provided there are plenty of other people there she'd know?
  • If there will be 400, definitely invite her. She's important to you and you've known her all your life (it sounds like). They can handle it!
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  • Yeah... that's where the initial problem was the fact that she had been my aunt my entire life (they got married before I was born) so I consider her just as much of an aunt as my mom's brothers and sister.

    I pretty much assumed the general consensus would be a definite no because she's not part of the family anymore and it's kind of a messy divorce.

    This gives me hope.  I am totally going to talk to my mom and uncle soon because I don't want to make them uncomfortable but I do want my aunt to see me get married.

    Thanks a bunch!!!
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