Trouble with groomsman

mrcoolrink

Hi,

I'm having trouble with one of my groomsmen.  He is the only one of my groomsmen who hasn't gotten fitted for his tux, and whenever I ask him to do it, he gets very defensive and tries to give me a list of excuses to not get fitted.  He had also invited a guest (whom neither my fiancee or I know) when my fiancee and I had already asked our wedding party members to not bring guest since the guest list is already bigger than expected and we want to keep the costs down.

How do I handle these situations?  He is one of my best friends and I don't want to kick him out of the wedding, but I also feel like he isn't respecting the wishes of myself and my bride-to-be. 

Mrs.B6302007

For real?  You're trying to get them fitted 7 months from the wedding? Weight/body size can change drastically in 7 months so micro-managing aside, it's not a good idea to be fitted this soon.

NOLAbridealmost

You can't invite half of a couple so if your GM's guest is a girlfriend, fiancee, spouse, etc. then she has to be invited.  If he's truly single then it's fine to tell him he can't invite a guest.  Just an FYI, you should still send formal invitations to the WP and their invitation would say whether or not they get a guest. 

Don't worry about the tux situation until the date gets closer. If he still doesn't get a tux, he has basically removed himself from the wedding. He can just come as a guest if that's the case.

Mrs.B6302007

And FWIW, I think it's pretty crappy to tell your BP that they can't bring a guest (and I'm assuming you mean an "and guest" for the singles and not that you're not including their SOs on purpose because that's just a whole 'nother issue) just because you want to keep the costs down. 

achiduck

Really? The tux place we talked to suggested the guys putting a small deposit down about 6 months before the wedding but not getting actually fitted until about a month before. Six months is a long time.

And ditto everyone else about people in relationships, it's pretty rude to separate a social unit. 

em01092

In slight defense of the OP, I had a $35 off deal that I won at a bridal show which required the GMs to get fitted and pay a $20 deposit several months before the wedding (we paid the deposit+ $15 extra since FI is getting his tux free), but our OOT GMs were able to call and place their measurements over the phone. However, I did not pester them, just told them about the deal and if they missed the deadline for that then that opportunity would have simply passed. I don't know if OP is facing a similar situation or not. 

Our GMs also need to have their balance paid in full and final fitting 1 month prior to the event, if they have gained/lost weight since then, according to my little sheet they gave me, but I don't know how much they hold you to that. 

OP, just call and confirm deadlines with your tux company. Then pass on the info to the GMs, and let them handle it. 

Loopyseven

Our GM had to be fitted a month before the wedding.  You have plenty of time.

If your GM is dating anyone, they need to be invited with a guest.  To do otherwise is rude.

lebast

The tux place we are going through has two tux fittings.  The first one was within one month of signing the contract (by Dec.) and the second one is a few days before the wedding (in April).  I think the deadline to get tux fittings depends on the place...If the guys in our wedding party didn't get fitted by Dec, there was a fee.  So, putting pressure on the guy to get fitted may be necessary and appropriate.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_trouble-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e904a45c-1a5c-47b6-ab8c-0f91ca3752efPost:4e2de861-58b6-4efe-86e0-af6d52c1cd43">Re: Trouble with groomsman</a>:
[QUOTE]The tux place we are going through has two tux fittings.  The first one was within one month of signing the contract (by Dec.) and the second one is a few days before the wedding (in April).  I think the deadline to get tux fittings depends on the place...If the guys in our wedding party didn't get fitted by Dec, there was a fee.  So, putting pressure on the guy to get fitted may be necessary and appropriate.
Posted by lebast[/QUOTE]

A fee for the groomsman or a fee for you?

If it's a fee for the groomsman, tell him the deal and then leave it alone.  If he incurs a fee for himself, then it's his own fault.

EDIT: I realize that you are not the OP, but throwing out the advice for anyone else in a similar spot.

sweetcanadian1979

My fiance had to get fitted by the end of november for our end of june wedding in order to take advantage of a promo but the rest of the guys didn't have to, i can't imagine getting them fitted before may, problem is though that it is prom weekend so they may have to go a bit earlier, other than my son none of them fluxuate weight though. 

Soon2BeMrsTing

He doesn't need to be fitted so early; stop hounding him about it.  I was out of the country until forty days before our wedding, and I accompanied my father to to get his measurements taken some three weeks beforehand.  It's not urgent.

Also, guests who are in committed relationships need to be invited with their dates. 

jsleik

We didn't have to have our measurements in until about a month ahead of time, so he has plenty of time.  Also, you can't split up a social unit.  Since your wedding is so far off, a lot can happen in that time.   Your single WP members could be engaged by then.  Stranger things have happened.  You need to be ready for inviting SOs (their definition, not yours).  Anything else is rude.

Look at it another way - if this latest woman in his life ends up dating him through the wedding, you have a very awkward 7 months ahead of you.

I know that feeling of wanting to plan every detail NOW.  But some you have to let go until you get closer.