Fiance Not Invited to a friend's wedding- WWYD?

Kate61487

I'm with the half of PPs who think blaming the mom is BS. Even if mom was crazy strict about the 75 and wouldn't let them pitch in for a 76th they could have cut someone else to have OPs FI or cut OP altogether rather than be rude and put you in an awkward situation. I also don't think text is any better than facebook. Finally your FI is hurt by this; he's not going to be any less hurt if/when a blist spot opens up. I'd decline outright.

SB1512

Like others, I'm wondering what the situation is that bride and her future husband are not contributing any of their own money?  My parents gave me and FI a budget that would have allowed for us to invite 100 people.  FI has a fairly large family, and even if we only planned to invite those family members of his we are close with and see on a regular basis, it would only leave room for us to invite 20 friends (and their SO's) between the 2 of us. We decided that was not going to be enough, so we planned to contribute some of our own money so that we could expand our guest list to include more friends.  FI's parents (who are italian and very traditional) want to be able to invite a huge number of people (their guest list is sitting at about 130) so they are giving us "whatever we need" to accomodate their guest list.  So now it looks like the money my parents are giving will be able to go towards more friends.  If FI's parents weren't chipping in though, we would definitely be making our own contribution so we could fit friends and their SO's. 

ems27

I would call and explain that I appreciate she feels her hands are tied, but that I will not be able to attend unless my fiance is also able to go as he is hurt by the lack of invite.  I would ask her to please let me know if there is space for both, and that I will RSVP at that point. 

I agree that the text messaging is no better than a facebook message- and my other thought was that if she knew that you would be upset by not having your fiance invited, and she still really wanted you there, she would have done as PPs said and paid for the one extra plate.  If she's not paying for the rest of the wedding, I would hope she could scrounge the few bucks up for that.

jemmini6

The thing here too is, how many people did she not invite their SO's, and how many did she promise could come if they got a 'no'? 

This is really your call and how you want your friendship to proceed.  Yes, it's a sucky thing that she didn't invite your FI, and immature that she's blaming it all on mommy dearest and not accepting any responsibility herself, but like some of the PPs said, there are certain people in our lives that we're probably willing to overlook some etiquette faux pas, but only you can decide if she's one of them.

Also, definitely call her about this.  Text messages are just as impersonal as a FB message.

Cuss10

I got caught in a similar situation in April, a friend since the 1st grade got married. When I hung out with her it was always she same group of girls and the same moms who drove us around. Her wedding rolled around and she didn't have the budget for all of us to bring our SO. Frankly I understood. She was honest that she couldn't afford it (and frankly the venue couldn't have held more people). At the end of the day, I got to see an old friend get married, hang out with some of my oldest friends and my husband got spend a Saturday night playing video games on the big screen TV. I think you're making an issue about situation that she can't change. You can be a friend and go or you can stay home and sulk.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-not-invited-to-a-friends-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9b1c36a-32ff-46b0-990c-cf5049ab9b10Post:7968e0c6-badd-4515-b396-d85a58e26995">Re: Fiance Not Invited to a friend's wedding- WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got caught in a similar situation in April, a friend since the 1st grade got married. When I hung out with her it was always she same group of girls and the same moms who drove us around. Her wedding rolled around and she didn't have the budget for all of us to bring our SO. Frankly I understood. She was honest that she couldn't afford it (and frankly the venue couldn't have held more people). At the end of the day, I got to see an old friend get married, hang out with some of my oldest friends and my husband got spend a Saturday night playing video games on the big screen TV. I think you're making an issue about situation that she can't change. You can be a friend and go or you can stay home and sulk.
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS!</div><div>
</div><div>If this person really is a good friend, then GO! Honestly, I admit that she SHOULD have invited your FI, but as a friend you should go anyway. If one of my close friends snubbed my fiance I would definitely let her know how both him and I feel about the situation (which you already did), but it ultimately comes down to whether or not you'd rather participate in the best day of your friend's life, or if you'd rather risk that friendship to take a stand. I do understand that your fiance is hurt, and that should be taken into accout, but I think it's JUST AS RUDE to insist on missing your friend's big day just to make a stand.  

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