Etiquette

Intimate engagement party- not inviting fbil's gf that we don't really know?

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Re: Intimate engagement party- not inviting fbil's gf that we don't really know?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_intimate-engagement-party-not-inviting-fbils-gf-that-we-dont-really-know?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9ec9368-7f78-4bb1-9ab0-17525d9a2605Post:367e156b-3422-40a1-bf8c-648816f06310">Re: Intimate engagement party- not inviting fbil's gf that we don't really know?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intimate engagement party- not inviting fbil's gf that we don't really know? : I bet it's her MIL. Andra I hope things are going well. I'm glad you're having a talk with him... From my personal experience I can tell you that 23 is def not too late in life. That's when my ex and I broke up and I ended up meeting my now-husband later that year. I cannot praise how much therapy has helped me with my own issues, and whether or not FI agrees to go with you or by himself, you should definitely go for yourself. Personally, <strong>the fact that you have no friends where you live nad he controls your mode of transportation and where you live just makes it sounds more and more like you're in an abusive relationship. He's not only emotionally manipulating you, you're cut off from any support system and dependent on him</strong>. Just some thoughts if you come back to this thread later feeling like you're in the wrong (something my ex was quite skilled at). You're not, you deserve better than how he's treating you and what he's doing IS abusive, although I doubt he'll agree with that.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    Oh Andra - I just read this entire thread and I'm just devastated for you.

    Please take the bolded part above to heart.  My mom became a widow at 38 (keep in mind she had always been a SAHM) and a couple of years after my Dad died she met a vile creature named John.  He cut her off from any support system, made sure she was dependent on him and controlled her horribly.  My Mom died at 44 (I was 10) an alcoholic because it was her only escape from her horrible life.

    I am so concerned for you.  You are just starting your life and it needs to be bright and beautiful.  You need to get away from these toxic people and just be Andra.  I will be watching for you to update.  I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
  • Hi Andra,
    I just read through all of this, and I recall your other post too.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you!  Please remember, you are the most important person in your own life, and you deserve to be happy.  I'll be thinking of you, and sending good energy your way.  Be strong!  Hugs!!
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  • Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts, ladies. Perhaps it was your positive vibes that made the talk be pretty successful, I'd say. While I'm not saying it was enough, I do thing that it was a huge start because fh never actually talked to me about his family issues before- and he did tonight. He even agreed to try individual therapy to start!

    I posted a lengthy update on this matter, if you'd like to see the details.

    Again, thanks so much for everyone's support, I really do think it made a world of difference for ME... and hopefully it can help get our relationship on track, or, at the very least, gave me the strength to know that I can't go on like this if we can't fix it.
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  • jennipea382jennipea382 member
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    edited February 2012
    Like the recent PPs I just finished reading all 10 pages. I'm so sorry he's not more supportive and caring. You definitely deserve someone who will stand up for you when someone says those kinds of things to/about you. His parents taking control of the wedding is unacceptable unless they are footing the entire bill. And your FI is an idiot for not having a mind of his own and being so immature.

    Looking forward to an update and hoping for the best for you!

    ETA: Just saw you updated. Going to read that now!
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