thank you card timelines?

Nebb

Quick question. I gave a friend of mine a money order in a card at her wedding nearly 3 months ago. I honestly cant recall how long is "acceptable" to still send out thank you cards, but I still havnt recieved one and im starting to get worried that maybe it went missing or something happened to the money order between the time when my friend signed the card/sealed it and I just didnt realize. Is it rude if I ask my friend if she got it because I havnt got a card yet or is that going to make me look like a guilting a-hole?

sep72fendr

For some reason, I feel like I read somewhere that the 2-3 month timeline is appropriate. 1 month is too short because the couple may still be "honeymooning". *shrug*

[Deleted User]

I think the acceptable timeline is 6-8 wks. But I have also heard 4-6 wks.

I don't think it is rude if you are talking to her and casually ask her about the card and money order. And if she says she got it but wrote the thank-you's already then you can say, that ok maybe it got lost in the mail or something, but I just wanted to make sure you received our gift.

If she hasn't written the thank-you's yet but still received the money, hopefully it will prompt her to get on them asap. Better late than never I guess. I would think it would be peace of mind for you to know that she has received it rather than it be floating out there somewhere.

MyWedding13

I wouldn't ask yet. I was always told you need to get thank-yous out for anything ASAP. For weddings, I think you have a month or two after your honeymoon to get them done. If six months rolls around and you haven't heard anything, maybe ask.

akhensley81

Yeah, I think it would be OK to call her. I don't think I would specifically point out that you haven't gotten a thank you card (like you said, guilting a-hole)... but just to make sure she got it.

golden1215

I got a thank you for cash 6+ months after the wedding... :-P

Beachy730

According to wedding etiquette you have up to 1 year to send TY notes out from a wedding, but I, as well as most people, think that is way too long and not acceptable.  Weddings give you a little more wiggle room on TY notes than any other events, including even bridal showers.  Plus now with a lot of people doing photo TY cards it takes longer because you wait for your pictures and then have to order them.  Which can still be done quick though with today's technology.  My wedding was just over 2 weeks ago and we've already gotten our pics back on CD and ordered and received our TY cards.  I think 2-3 months is accepable for TY cards, but as I said there are people who have heard a year and think anytime before that is fine.  H and I are going to start writing some out tonight, but know that it will take a long time to write them out for a wedding of 200 people.  His grandma told us that people should receive them within a month of the wedding.  I just laughed and said well people know that we are moving twice within 6 weeks of the wedding, so if people really expect it within a month they are going to be disappointed. 

As for your friend, I would probably hold off.  How did you send the gift though?  Did you put it in a card box at the wedding?  Or did you send it in the mail?  If you sent it in the mail you might want to call and ask if she ever received it.  If that's the case I wouldn't even mention a TY note, you could just say "hey I was wondering if you ever received my wedding card.  There was a gift card in it and I've heard of people stealing mail when they can feel a gift card."  Or something like that.  its definitely not unheard of, then you don't have to sound like you're giving her a hard time about her TY timeline.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-card-timelines?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea4d4f15-7a2f-4071-aba6-03e95ab0d6d5Post:16ba557b-3717-475d-ad61-add8be8c81a9">Re: thank you card timelines?</a>:
[QUOTE]According to wedding etiquette you have up to 1 year to send TY notes out from a wedding,
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

That's actually a very common misconception.  Guests have 1 year to send a wedding gift, not the other way around.  TY notes should go out right away or as quickly after the honeymoon as possible.

Nebb, it sounds like you're legitimately concerned and so I see no reason not to ask her. 

Nebb

I put it in a cardbox at the wedding, so it was never in the mail. I did it like that because of the money order (like cash), but now im kind of concerned that it might not have even been in the card and friend thinks all I gave her was a card and no gift (i have had a falling out with the friend I went with so I have no idea if she left the money out or not). Their honeymoon was 1 week long directly after the wedding and she has already gotten her pics back, I know that much.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-card-timelines?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea4d4f15-7a2f-4071-aba6-03e95ab0d6d5Post:9a9cff00-14e6-43f7-8bcf-6e290467a767">Re: thank you card timelines?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: thank you card timelines? : That's actually a very common misconception.  Guests have 1 year to send a wedding gift, not the other way around.  TY notes should go out right away or as quickly after the honeymoon as possible.  
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Good to know, I thought that was way ridiculous anyways.  H and I can't go on our honeymoon until like April when he gets back from his next deployment, so can we wait until after that?  Haha just kidding.  Ours will be going out soon hopefully. 

OP- If you are legitimately concerned that your friend you went with left it out of the card, then you can call the bride and ask, saying you were just wondering since this other friend was given the money and supposed to take care of the gift. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-card-timelines?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea4d4f15-7a2f-4071-aba6-03e95ab0d6d5Post:5f987d11-0c3f-4077-b8d0-3f4f78f07382">Re: thank you card timelines?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a thank you for cash 6+ months after the wedding... :-P
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

Yup, I got a TY 6 months after the fact once. But I think most people realize that that's a little late. I know someone who finished sending them 6.5 months after his wedding and he was a little embarassed. So checking in at the 3 month mark isn't something I would see as a faux pas.

ohwhynot

I think 3 months is more than enough time to wait.  I'd be concerned that they didn't get the gift and I think it's perfectly okay to inquire after it. 

Nebb

I emailed her to check that she got the card because I was worried due to there being money in it, I didnt mention the thank you card though - she said they did get it and apologized that they are late on the thank you cards but they have both been swamped at work. Im just glad to know its ok, i am always convinced money will get stolen if I give it (in any way that I give it).

SwissMissLily

Thank you cards should be sent out immediately after receiving a gift. Personally, I don't think it is ever to late to say thank you to someone.