Poll: is this rude?

chattychiqa

Friend has a new BF. At my shower, I say to her "what's your BF's name? I'd like to have it when I make escort cards." She says "Oh! I'm bringing my son 17, not BF." I say "Cool" and leave it at that.

My 7 year old DD says "What about J?" her 6yo DS..."isn't he coming?" She turns to me and says "Gosh I don't know. Can he come?" I felt on the spot, there will be lots of family kids there, I didnt want to separate kids in that family even though TK says its ok, so I say yeah sure.

When we are going over guest list revisions, FI asks "who is that?" and I tell him. He does the heavy sigh and says that was rude of her to ask... But she didn't just come out and ask. I doubt she would have if my kid hadn't brought it up. What say ye?

wadingmoose

I'd say your daughter asked the question and it sounds like she wouldn't have said a thing until your daughter spoke up.  Hard to call that rude.

Singyouhome

Well, what's done is done. It would be rude to "uninvite" them at this point. Just explain how the situation happened to your fiance.

EDIT: But no, I don't think what she did was rude. 

andrea2473

It was an awkward situation, but I don't think it was entirely her fault.  It was kind of the flow of the conversation, even if your child was the one who led it there.  You said yes, so he definitely has to be invited now. 

chattychiqa

God no i'd never uninvite. That's wrong.

Kate61487

I'm guessing since the relationship is new you invited her with an open +1?  My initial thought was that it was kind of rude of her to sub in her 17yo son in the first place, but of course that's not the case if she was invited "and guest".  I suppose it would have been more polite for her to answer your daughter "no, it will just be Billy"  but I'm guessing she felt a little uncomfortable and put on the spot as well.

Avion22

I think at this point the other son should be invited (or not in-invited?)....nobody did anything rude in this situation, it just kind of came up.

blgrout

Out of the mouth of babes, right?

Maybe it was a little bit rude of her to ask to bring her other son, but if I had a 7 year old asking if my son could come and put me on the spot like that, I don't know how I would answer.

Did you explain how it all went down to your FI?

ETA: clarification.

chattychiqa

Hey girls

In answer to Kate's question, her divorce was finalized recently and I knew she was actively dating, but nobody in particular.  The exclusivity of her new relationship has only been established in recent weeks... there will be a lot of people she doesn't know and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, so I felt it was okay to give her a +1 even though I wasn't certain she was in an established relationship just yet.  I actually know her older son pretty well, I have since he was a little boy (though he's not been around as much due to custody/visitation whenever I got together with his mom), so it wasn't a big deal that she wanted to bring him.

And BLgrout, yep, I sure did.  I think he's being uptight.  It's just a kid... I tend to think the more the merrier.  The kids list won't go above 12 or so anyway, that's not an outlandish # in comparison to the 150-160 adults expected...and it's an outdoor garden venue with a HUGE grassy backyard.  Kids won't be in the way.  I don't get his sentiment at all.