Another guest in white question

mgietler76

I saw the last post about the SMIL wearing a white pant suit and I have a similar dilemma. My future SMIL mentioned wearing a dress that is all white on top adn flows into a darker blue at the bottom. I todl her to wear whatever she wants because I don't care as long as its not all white. Now my mom and both MOH's are frakign out on me and telling me to "correct" the problem. Is this really bad, especially if I don't mind?

laurenclaire1386

Uh, no. Tell your mom and MOH's to chill out. If it's NBD to you, they shouldn't care either.

ohwhynot

I like you.  I truly don't understand why people get all a-flutter over another person in white, esp. when, like your fsmil, it's not even all white.  Big f'ing deal.  If you don't care, why should they?  I think your mom will understand if you explain that you don't care to cause tension/drama with your fsmil and that you're not about to say anything to her about this non-issue. 

mgietler76

Thank-you! I didn't have ONE person agree with me on this, I was starting to think I was wrong.

RoxysMama

No it's not bad.  Unless they are wearing a long white/ivory gown with a veil no one is going to confuse them for the bride.  I would just explain to your family that you do not have control/ nor care to have control over guest attire. They are grown ups and can pick out their own clothes.

Don't sweat it everyone loses their minds when it comes to weddings

georgia_bride09

Some people worry about the smallest things. I would tell them that you don't care, and therefore, they shouldn't care, and to get over it.

I also don't understand why everyone knows what everyone else is wearing before the wedding. This wouldn't happen with any other party. This isn't directed at you, OP, just the phenomenon in general. I dealt with this as well.

angie74

three cheers for mgietler76!

nice to see someone who doesn't really care

sarabellam

I'm with OWN. If it doesn't bother you, they need to let it go.

temerityjane

If you don't care, you don't care, and no one else should, but that won't stop people who DO subscribe to such things from giving her the hairy eyeball at your wedding.

And if a bride doesn't care, she doesn't care, but that doesn't mean that all brides don't, or shouldn't care. There's no prize for being the bride who cares the least.

mgietler76

I don't understand it either. I was also told that none of the other mothers or grandmothers could pick an outfit until my mom did. I quickly nipped that too and thankfully the other mothers adn granmothers were happy about that decision.

ohwhynot

Tj, I know a lot of brides (and guests, for that matter) do care.  It's just one of those things that kind of baffles me - I just can't relate. 

mgietler76

I swear people are tyring to turn me from a laid-back do whatever you want bride to a bridezilla! hahaThey'll have to try harder cuz all I care about is my man and my dress, and I already got them both!

Beachy730

There are many old etiquette things that have now gone out the window.  Like the MOB being the first to pick out her dress.  Wearing white has definitely phased out, but there will still always be people who think it is rude.  If one of my friends showed up in white I probably would have assumed they didn't even know any better.  But someone older, like a mom, aunt, etc., you would think out of anyone they would now older etiquette rules.  Like I said on the other wearing white post, my MIL wore white to my wedding.  It was a white shirt and black skirt.  I was annoyed at first because I thought she was doing it to on purpose, but she really didn't know any better.  I never thought people would confuse her with me or anything, and I really didn't care that people wore white (we requested our guests in the Navy to wear their whites), its more just that you think people know better so it feels like a slap in the face. 

I had found out about it the day before my bachelorette, so when all the girls were sitting around having drinks that night I mentioned it, and got mixed reactions.  Some of the girls were saying "you absolutely need to call her and tell her not to wear it and to pick another color," and others said "it doesn't matter, she's just an idiot and doesn't know any better."  I had chosen right away that I didn't care enough to say anything to her or tell her to pick something else to wear, I really didn't care that much.  But it is funny how many people would tell someone to pick something else out to wear.  People are adults and can wear whatever they choose. 

skippylouwho

Wonder if, in this case, it's two moms not wanting the FSMIL to be included or just general snarkiness to her?

mgietler76

I don't think it's snarkiness, I actually get alone very well with all mom's in question! And my FMIL isn't aware (we don't really talk to her) I'm gonna tell everyone else to butt-out and not to turn my stress-free wedding planning (so far!) Into anything but.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-guest-white-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea97e16b-ab49-4c8d-b3c9-aa8d9458e5e7Post:e6ea37b1-7f6f-4aaf-af08-476c814bcc60">Re: Another guest in white question</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't care, you don't care, and no one else should, but that won't stop people who DO subscribe to such things from giving her the hairy eyeball at your wedding.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

In this particular case, I don't think that many guests would care.  Unless it's ALL white, I wouldn't. 

I DO think wearing all white to a wedding is rude, mainly because I've heard it so so many times. 

When you're picking out a random dress for someone else's important function, why would you choose that one occasion to pick the one color that you've heard over and over might be considered extremely rude to wear.  Just pick one of the other 800 available colors that WON'T be taken the wrong way.

andy71781

umm wow.  i really hope your marriage is still valid.  I mean the WHOLE top is white?  Seriously - you are cool for recognizing the ridiculous opinions.

Lindsey1120

This is not something I would care about either.  Seriously - everyone knows who the bride is!!  I wouldn't think twice if someone wore white to my wedding.

jennifer0124

We had a guest that wore a white dress to our wedding and I didn't even realize it until the 4th time I was looking through the photos.  It really does not matter at all.