fiance lost job... to plan or not to plan?

shortcakes3414

Hey ladies.  My fiance lost his job recently which has put a hault on our wedding plans.  I was soo excited to plan once we got engaged and felt a great sense that our future was moving in the right direction.  Feeling a bit uneasy now and am torn as to whether or not I continue to plan in knowing that venues traditionally book at least a year in advance.  Do I put a hault on this until he finds a new job?  We had intentions of paying along with my parents for the wedding, but now are in a position to either hold off or solely rely on the money my parents have offered.  Side note:  we don't have any idea as to the amount my parents are willing to contribute and don't want to seem as though we are money hungry.  I need to and want to be respective of both our budget and my parents budget, but also don't want to have a long engagement.  Need your thoughts on how to work through a sticky situation ...

Birdie1483

I would personally wait to book anything until your fiance finds another job. You should only plan for what you guys can afford.

Hopefully it won't take him TOO long to find another job. When you're looking at least a year, what is another couple months? If it ends up being a 6+ month unemployment deal, then I would reconsider how and when you want to get married.

Loopyseven

Birdie is wise.  And plenty of places will not be booked solid a year in advance.  If you can be flexible on your date a little bit you will be able to book a venue you love in less time than that.  

RebeccaB88

I am in a similar situation.  We decided we wanted to get married, and two weeks after we put  the ring on layaway, he got laid off.   He picked up some summer work and was able to keep paying on the ring, albeit smaller payments than originally planned, but this fall we had to get our money out of the ring and start seriously looking at things.  We hadn't announced anything, nothing was official therefore no deposits or anything, and we thought it would be smartest to put off getting engaged until he was working again.  That was in May, and he still does not have a job.  Lots and lots of interviews, but so many people competing for the jobs, he hasn't gotten one yet.  Our target date is now November of 2011 for the wedding (it was previously May 2011). He is still looking, but making plans for the same temp job this spring/summer as last year (landscaping) and regrouping on the job search.  We're very, very disappointed that we can't get engaged yet, but he should have way more work this spring and summer than last year, and it should be enough to set us up so that we can get engaged this spring and start planning.  So yeah... the situation sucks, I really feel for you.  We just don't think it's smart to start out our lives together already in poor financial state, so we're sucking it up and waiting. 

[Deleted User]

Definitely wait. Things are tough for a lot of people right now, and starting a new marriage out with a lot of wedding debt is not a good idea. You need to focus on surviving on a day to day basis before you start planning a wedding. Not to mention the fact that finding a job can sometimes be stressful and that on top of wedding planning is not a good combo.

And there is nothing wrong with a long engagement. Sh!t happens and you just have to deal with it as it comes and put your priorities first. Get through his job loss together and then you can have fun planning a wedding.

Ash2985

Definitely wait.  This is usually the hardest time of year to find a new job (usually things pick up mid-January into February), and you don't want to commit to things and then not be able to pay for them.  I think you'd be fine booking things less than a year in advance, but I'm a procrastinator.  And if you can't, and your engagement ends up being longer, there's nothing wrong with that.

hlq2011

As PPs said, definitely wait.  It's never a good idea to plan without being certain (or as certain as you can be) about how much money you have to work with and where it's coming from.  Lots of people have longer engagements now; there's nothing wrong with it at all.

stephasuasu

Are you currently working? If not, would you consider looking for a job in order to help  move forward with your wedding plans as hoped?

trinalo

Hmm. This is tough. We were in a similar situation, but with deposits already paid and we didn't want to end up losing all the money we'd already spent. It worked out for us in the end and I hope it works out for you too. Emphasizing what Birdie said- consider what you want and how long you're willing to wait. Talk to your parents tactfully, explaining your concerns much like you did here, and maybe you all can work out a plan.

Good luck! Fingers crossed that your finace find a new job soon.

Summer2011Bride

That sucks! I'm sorry you're in that situation. I think it kind of depends what's most important for your wedding and what type of wedding you want. if you want a large-ish wedding, a ceremony and traditional reception, etc., then I agree with PP's to wait. Have your parents definitely offered financial help? if so, I don' think it is rude to just ask, "You had mentiond you wanted to contribute to thew edding financially. Were you still wanting to and if so, do you have an idea of your budget?" If they haven't really offered, then I obviously wouldn't say this.

If you are just in love and want to get married without the frills, you could really get married very soon for little money at the courthouse. You could also have a very small (i.e. immediate family) ceremony and reception (gathering at a house or restaurant?) and still be able to do it on possibly what your parents are offering.

So there ARE options out there; I guess it depends what you are looking for.