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Honeymoon drama-lama

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Ok, so  I posted this on the honeymoon board and like 2 people responded and told me I was being unreasonable. So please if you agree that I am out of line just tell me, but overall I think I am just more upset than looking for a solution-

I saw my Uncle and his wife 2 weeeks ago and we were talking wedding and she asked where we were going on our Honeymoon. I replied to the Sandals in Antigua the next morning after the wedding ans she said NO WAY! we are going there then too!

Total coincidence. Same flight and all. Now I haven't always had the best relationship with these people so having them on ur honeymoon is really bothering me. I know it's concidence but I'm still upset. I just wanted it to be FI and I and not have anyone we know there especially someone who has always been so protective of me/ nosey in an intrusive way.

I guess it's just awkward. I can't change it because I'll be the jerk for awoiding them, but am I wrong for wishing they would change their vacation?
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Re: Honeymoon drama-lama

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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    I agree, the situation sucks, and I'd be peeved too. But not peeved enough to ask them to change their vacation. Like you said, it was coincidence. A shitty one, but they should be easy to avoid, no? I don't know. I've never been to a Sandals, so I don't know how big they are and whether or not you could easily avoid them. If they're normal people, they're going to understand that it's your honeymoon and they should probably leave you alone. Wishing they would change their vacation is much more reasonable than asking them to change their vacation.

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    GribblesGribbles member
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    You're not wrong for wishing they would change their vacation, but there is no way to make them do that! I guess you will just have to try and keep your distance as much as possible. If it's a big resort hopefully you won't even know they are there. However if it is really bothering you, is there any way you can transfer to another resort?
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    edited August 2010
    I don't think you can ask THEM to change your vacation. but you can:

    - switch to another resort
    - switch to another island all together
    - delay your HM a week or two
    - just avoid them, which normal, non-crazy people should completely understand, since you'll be on your honeymoon and all.

    Actually, some of our friends might be in Napa during our wedding (and after - we're leaving for our HM there 2 days later). We were joking about it and my friend said, "Yeah, just what you want, to spend your entire honeymoon with D and B!" People understand you want privacy with your new husband.

    And if they try to make dinner plans with you or something, just tell them that you'd rather spend your vacation alone with H.
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    Julz629Julz629 member
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    There's a difference between wishing they'd change their vacation and asking them to.  Wishing?  OK.  Asking?  Not OK.

    It sucks, for sure.  But there's nothing to do about it.  You may run into them here and there, but those resorts are big and you can still get your alone time with FI.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Just as a side note, I definately have not asked them to change their vacation at all, nor will I at any point.
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
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    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:50d71f3f-8f19-4026-81de-6b09e8a846e5">Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so  I posted this on the honeymoon board and like 2 people responded and told me I was being unreasonable. So please if you agree that I am out of line just tell me, but overall I think I am just more upset than looking for a solution- I saw my Uncle and his wife 2 weeeks ago and we were talking wedding and she asked where we were going on our Honeymoon. I replied to the Sandals in Antigua the next morning after the wedding ans she said NO WAY! we are going there then too! Total coincidence. Same flight and all. Now I haven't always had the best relationship with these people so having them on ur honeymoon is really bothering me. I know it's concidence but I'm still upset. I just wanted it to be FI and I and not have anyone we know there especially someone who has always been so protective of me/ nosey in an intrusive way. I guess it's just awkward. I can't change it because I'll be the jerk for awoiding them, but am I wrong for wishing they would change their vacation?
    Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]


    Okay, I answered this on the honeymoon board, so I think it's pertinent if I supply some missing information. You said the wife assured you that they understood you were going there on your honeymoon and would respect your privacy.

    I will state again that that really sucks, but you can't expect someone to change their vacation plans just because you are going there too. Just be friendly with them when you run into each other and you'll probably rarely have to see them the entire time you are there.
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    georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
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    You're not wrong for WISHING they would change their trip, but you'd be wrong to consider actually asking them to. I can understand how awkward that would be. They do some crazy couple games at Sandals, and I know I wouldn't want any of my family around for that. (My H and I had to go off into a dark corner and switch all our clothes for one of the games; wouldn't have wanted anyone I know seeing my nekkid ass.)

    So my advice would just be to go and have fun and pretend y'all are there alone. If they try to hang excessively, politely tell them you'd like to enjoy your HM, just you and H, and you'd love to hang out when you get home (even if that's a white lie). Having said that, I bet they'll want to be on their own too, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

    My MIL ALWAYS "jokes" about going on our vacations with us. She's done it with every trip we've ever taken. It's not funny and it's not cute.
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    kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:9666fc9d-f900-4d70-8af2-c87a909e5b94">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think you can ask THEM to change your vacation.
     but you can:
    - switch to another resort
    - switch to another island all together
    <strong>- delay your HM a week or two</strong>
    -<strong> just avoid them, which normal, non-crazy people should completely understand, since you'll be on your honeymoon and all.</strong> Actually, some of our friends might be in Napa during our wedding (and after - we're leaving for our HM there 2 days later). We were joking about it and my friend said, "Yeah, just what you want, to spend your entire honeymoon with D and B!" People understand you want privacy with your new husband. And if they try to make dinner plans with you or something, just tell them that you'd rather spend your vacation alone with H.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    This, I agree with. You are no way obligated to spend time with your Uncle/Aunt on your honeymoon.  You already did that at your wedding and reception.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Matilda- you are right she did say that. Its more my uncle I am concerned about being around so often. I really do anticipate them being respectful, But overall, I have had a bad/nonexistant relationship with them so I'm hesitant to actually believe it
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:d917ae5d-15f4-41c7-b039-dcd8679b1bff">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Matilda- you are right she did say that. Its more my uncle I am concerned about being around so often. I really do anticipate them being respectful, But overall, I have had a bad/nonexistant relationship with them so I'm hesitant to actually believe it
    Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]

    Just try to be the bigger person and smile and say hi when you see them and keep walking. You'll be on your honeymoon, you'll have plans and other things to keep you busy. Don't let this one little thing ruin your entire vacation. That's all I'm sayin.
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    jayjoejayjoe member
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    It could be worse. My friend went to a beautiful tropical island for her HM and the day after they got there, there was a knock on the hotel door. And there they were...her new husbands mom and dad and a few of his cousins. They had a time share and decided it would be thuper thpecial to surprise the newlyweds on their HM! They were certainly surprised. And pretty much every HM pic they brought back had the whole fam in it.

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    LuluP82LuluP82 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:afe46c1a-a01a-4d7f-ab92-2efc02a68ff8">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon drama-lama : Just try to be the bigger person and smile and say hi when you see them and keep walking. You'll be on your honeymoon, you'll have plans and other things to keep you busy. Don't let this one little thing ruin your entire vacation. That's all I'm sayin.
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. Plus, you can always take some preventative measures (like calling the resort and asking to be placed as far away from them as possible, for instance).
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    OH that's terrible jayjoe... that would definately be much worse.

    I think I'm just disappointed. I hope they will respect boundaries like they have said, but I think it's typical me... I'll always have it in the back of my mind that they are there and somehow I need to be on best behavior. (not that FI and I are wild, crazy people, but who wants spectators?)
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    georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
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    [QUOTE]It could be worse. My friend went to a beautiful tropical island for her HM and the day after they got there, there was a knock on the hotel door. And there they were...her new husbands mom and dad and a few of his cousins. They had a time share and decided it would be thuper thpecial to surprise the newlyweds on their HM! They were certainly surprised. And pretty much every HM pic they brought back had the whole fam in it.
    Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

    WHO DOES THAT?!!

    I would've shiit a brick. Then I would've told my H to tell his family to leave us alone, or we'd never visit them on a holiday ever again. And then I would've kicked somebody's ass. And only talked about wanting to get it on with my H.  
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    LOL I do like Georgia's solution!
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    Pirata13Pirata13
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    If you run into them and they want to do dinner, if you're up for it, say "Sure, tonight's the one night we don't have any set plans" or if you're not, say "Sorry, we've had a lot of "alone" time planned since we picked our destination", then as a PP said, if you desire to white-lie it, suggest getting together "back home". Or not.
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    NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:21b0a7ad-e185-4aa3-b347-6b7d6c6e33a4">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]It could be worse. My friend went to a beautiful tropical island for her HM and the day after they got there, there was a knock on the hotel door. And there they were...her new husbands mom and dad and a few of his cousins. They had a time share and decided it would be thuper thpecial to surprise the newlyweds on their HM! They were certainly surprised. And pretty much every HM pic they brought back had the whole fam in it.
    Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

    I would lose my everloving mind.  Seriously.  You guys would be reading about me on the news the next morning.
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    jayjoejayjoe member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:35df8b94-1ac8-4ad0-9f6e-5a7698d3786e">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]WHO DOES THAT?!! I would've shiit a brick. Then I would've told my H to tell his family to leave us alone, or we'd never visit them on a holiday ever again. And then I would've kicked somebody's ass. And only talked about wanting to get it on with my H.  
    Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

    They were on a two week HM so the fam came down for the first week. Waaaay thoughtful of them.
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    squirrlysquirrly member
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    You might mention it to the hotel staff that you would like your room number to be kept private.  Anyone wishing to contact you can leave a message with the desk, and you'll contact them if you choose to do so.  But instruct the hotel not to give out your room number under any circumstances.

    They should be able to comply with that, at least.
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    NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:d0c41b54-854e-4a91-8792-23348cf11035">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]You might mention it to the hotel staff that you would like your room number to be kept private.  Anyone wishing to contact you can leave a message with the desk, and you'll contact them if you choose to do so.  But instruct the hotel not to give out your room number under any circumstances. They should be able to comply with that, at least.
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    That is a really good idea.
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    georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon drama-lama : They were on a two week HM so the fam came down for the first week. Waaaay thoughtful of them.
    Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

    They were there one week too long (the fam). I just cannot imagine.
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    buddhagoudabuddhagouda member
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    I wouldn't want any family on my HM with me, no doubt. What I don't get is why, if as you say you have no relationship with them at all, you think they are going to magically want a relationship while you are on your HM.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    if you are that bothered, just pick another honeymoon destination. 
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:274fa80d-786d-44b5-9459-3083e14fa6b8">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't want any family on my HM with me, no doubt. What I don't get is why, if as you say you have no relationship with them at all, you think they are going to magically want a relationship while you are on your HM.
    Posted by buddhagouda[/QUOTE]

    That's what I was wondering. I mean, if you grew up next door to this uncle, that might be one thing, but if you'd barely recognize him at the grocery store I really don't foresee this being a problem.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    well when i was younger we had a better relationship... as i got older and he re-married current wife, things became strained between our families. He doesnt have any kids so as we became teenagers he said he enver knew how to relate to us (he was the uncle that like to tickle and throw us in the pool and then when i was 12 and wasnt into that anymore as most 12 year oldds are not, he took that as I was pushing him away.) His wife does  not like my mom because my mom and I are still close to my aunt (his first wife) and thinks that we have something against her. It is only very recently that we have begun to have an adult relationship and by very recently FI and I had dinner with uncle and wife ONCE.

    I know it shouldnt be a big deal but i just feel like im going to be watched and have to worry about what he thinks if i have a few drinks or play one of the games of the PPs mentioned above.

    Honestly It's much more my own insecurities I'm sure making it worse than it is.
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    buddhagoudabuddhagouda member
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    Yeah, from what you are describing, I really can't imagine a scenario in which they are trying to spend time with you. Just smile if you see them in passing and otherwise pretend they aren't there.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Plus, if I avoid having dinner with them because FI and I want to be alone and then we meet couples we enjoy being around there and have dinner with others, I feel like I will be the jerk for excluding them.
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    buddhagoudabuddhagouda member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:09c2cdec-1e18-42c1-ba4c-da38c3d481e7">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Plus, if I avoid having dinner with them because FI and I want to be alone and then we meet couples we enjoy being around there and have dinner with others, I feel like I will be the jerk for excluding them.
    Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, dude, you are way over thinking this. Again, it does not sound like they are going to be hounding you to have dinner with them.

    1) You're not that close
    2) They're just not that into you
    3) Normal people realize that a couple on their honeymoon want to be alone

    I repeat. Smile if you see them, but otherwise pretend they're not there.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    PS Uncle & wife are trying  to mend relationship and we are obliging so far so good- I dont actually have anything against them, I just dont want them on our Honeymoon.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-drama-lama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec890910-1e1a-4015-b0a5-d1e84a0b51e0Post:d917ae5d-15f4-41c7-b039-dcd8679b1bff">Re: Honeymoon drama-lama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Matilda- you are right she did say that. Its more my uncle I am concerned about being around so often. I really do anticipate them being respectful, But overall, I have had a bad/nonexistant relationship with them so I'm hesitant to actually believe it
    Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]
    If you have a bad/nonexistant relationship now, why would they want to hang out with you on their vacation?
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