To invite or not

sdavi084

So here's a bit of a setup.
My family isn't really that large. About five years ago, my grandfather was on his death bed and my cousin stole money from him. She ended up in jail for a few years and got out about five months ago. I have no respect for her. She accused me of doing drugs in front of my family one Christmas, with no reason (I really never have done any drugs at all!). She's never sent a Christmas gift/card. She is a true disgrace to the family. When she got out of jail, she moved from VA to Massachusetts to live with her in-prison boyfriend's mother (I don't understand, nor do I care).

I had absolutely no intention of inviting her. The reason I was going to use if asked was because we're having a small wedding (65 people, and about 30 are his family) and she's estranged from me. Well, her mother (my dad's sister) asked my dad if my cousin would be invited and he said yes. Mind you, for anyone who didn't read a post I had several weeks ago, my parents aren't paying for this wedding, I am. Its not a money issue, we can afford the one person, but I really don't want her there. However, I'm not sure that not inviting her is an option anymore without causing serious family issues. Both her and her mother are very very dramatic. Any advice on how to handle this?

neelynicole

I'm actually in a bit of a similar situation. One of my 3 cousins on my dad's side has stolen from the family to feed a drug habit, spent years in and out of jail, was exiled by the family, but I guess he's now on 'okay' terms with them again.

I really don't want him there, especially when we'll be having an open bar (he'd come just for that). But I'm kind of stuck since I'll be inviting my aunt (his mom) and my other 2 cousins (his sisters) AND they all live on the same property (different houses). So if I invite the others, I pretty much feel like I have to invite him.

As much as I don't want to, I'm going to invite him. Unless he has another falling out with everyone before then. I'm just figuring that he'll be the one thorn there, and I most likely won't even notice him. Assuming he even comes at all. And I'm trusting my family to handle things if anything gets out of hand.

So, in your case, it's really all up to you. There really isn't much of a clear answer. Perhaps try to feel out how family relations would be if you didn't invite her. And if it means severing ties with certain people, just weigh how you would feel about that and go from there.

Best of luck!

Meg1979

I wouldn't invite her.  You are having a small wedding and regardless of drama I think you should avoid having her there.  You are the best to gauge how the family situation will go.  What issues will this cause?

snwilson0416

Honestly, if you're not close with her at all, I wouldn't invite her. Your father is going to have to be the one to break it to his sister that her daughter will not be invited, since he was the one who said yes. However, if you feel that the drama it will cause will be too much, then it might be best to just suck it up. That's a tough situation. 

manikmarie

I am in a similar situation also. But the "problem" person is FI sister. She actually got out of jail like 2 days ago. We are hoping she screws up and ends up back in jail before the wedding. What we decided to do is to invite her and make sure that people watch her and if she steps a toe out of line she will be escorted out. Good luck!

mica178

OP -- unless your father is hosting your wedding, his verbal invitation to your cousin is not an invitation. 

MyNameIsNot

Even if you did invite her, what are the chances she'd come from Mass to Va for your wedding?  I went ahead and invited my crackhead cousin because I knew there was no way he would come up (2 hours from him).  

But, he wasn't as bad as your cousin.  He pawned grandma's kitchen stuff after she died, but half of it would have ended up at goodwill anyway.  Not exactly on par with your cousin.  

I'd say talk to your dad.  He created this, and I think he's responsible for dealing with the drama.  I don't think you need to invite her, and I don't think it's your problem.  With such a small guest list, are you even inviting cousins from that side of the family?  If you can go that route, I'd just blame it on the small guest list.

NOLAbridealmost

I have a ton of cousins who weren't invited; and none of them served time for stealing from the family.  No way would I invite her. Especially to a wedding of your size. 

Milsey32

Like MyNameIsNot mentioned -- do you think she would even come if she was invited? IMO, I wouldn't invite her because you don't need the added stress/drama. Yes, there may be drama for her not being invited... but what would that entail? Your aunt bad mouthing you or refusing to come? You could handle that instead of your cousin trying to steal something or make a scene at the wedding...

MangoSnapple

I'm in the same boat, so I feel your stress. 

My mom's entire side of the familiy is less than choice. I'm not close to ANY of them, aside from her mother, and would not care at all if a single one of them did not make it to my wedding, but I feel obligated to invite them because I know there will be serious (and dramatic) repercussions if I don't. 

I, too, am paying for the wedding, and it IS an issue of money for me. I have no idea what to do.

LMB311

My FI's sister's husband just got out of jail.  They don't live together anymore and she asked my FMIL to ask if she could bring him.  I to FMIL I'd rather not as my family is VERY conservative and will not be huge fans of this.  Neither I nor my FI is close to his sister, and I don't like her very much anyway, so if she wants to get mad at me and not come that is fine with me.  FMIL, FBIL, FFIL and other family are all going to come regardless and think whatever we decide is fine.