Can I do this? Or no?

AdeleDazeem

We're having a very very small destination wedding (13 people, parents and sibs only) followed by an at home reception when we get back that will be much much larger.

My mom and future mother in law both want to throw showers for me with their respective families.  I don't think a shower is appropriate for several reasons. 

So as not to rain on their parade too much, can I suggest an alternative, such as a bridal luncheon or tea, where guests would NOT bring gifts, but we could include guests from the AHR?

I'm not sure if that breaks etiquette rules or not.  It is a pre-wedding party that would include people who wouldn't see the ceremony, but no gifts would be exchanged.  It's so confusing to me.
If you feel it does, then that's fine.  I'll turn down the offers instead.  I chose the destination wedding and am fine with the consequences.

hccpsu

I was in the exact same spot--DW with only our parents, and a formal reception later.  MIL wanted to throw me a shower, and I was concerned since although all the guests (DH's side of the family) were invited to the reception, they weren't invited to the wedding.

I spoke to my mom about it (she's very much an etiquette hound), and she said it was important to my MIL, so let her do it.  She said despite the DW, because we'd sent STDs for the reception, people would be okay with a shower.  And you know what?  They were.  They felt that being invited to the reception was equivalent to being invited to a wedding and they were happy to celebrate with us.